Help! Five Beast Alphas Want To Breed Me!!(BL)-Chapter 218: When Can I Go Back?

Elián;

I sit on the bed with my knees drawn slightly up, and an open book resting on my lap.

I haven’t flipped its page in almost twenty minutes, and I don’t think I will anytime soon.

I don’t even know the title of the book. My eyes have been tracing the same sentence over and over again without paying attention to a single word.

My mind refuses to stay here in this room, in this new place, or in this strange silence.

It keeps drifting back to Gravemaw.

To Queen Cassia... her warm smile, her calm guidance, her loving presence... and her warm hugs.

My mind wanders to Koda. My calm, confident, soft-hearted mate whom I ought to be able to freely call husband by now.

My mind drifts to Rhydian. Ro Kishan. To Seun... To Anwil, the chaos.

The fear... and the flames that torched my happiness last night.

I swallow hard as my fingers absentmindedly grip the edges of the book.

"It’ll do no good worrying."

"Wha else can I do?"

"Think of something else till you at least get word from them." He replies, and I sigh.

I let my eyes wander around the room, and I take in the unique design of the room.

It feels like a forest... a garden has been trapped in this room.

Zephan really does love gardens doesn’t he?

Just a few hours in this room was enough to tell me that this is Zephan’s room.

The faint scent of flowers and rain... The neatly folded white cloak on the chair. The carved serpentine figurine on the shelf...

The painting of a golden flower that looks familiar resting on the wall by the wardrobe.

Everything about the space feels organized, disciplined, quiet but strong.

Just like him.

I trace a finger across the spine of the book, and let out a breath. I didn’t mean to invade his space by taking the book.

I didn’t even mean to take over his bed and room. However, Zephan insisted... stubbornly...that I need rest, and that here, in his room, is the safest place to be right now.

"Safe..." I whisper as I stare at the book’s green cover and that’s when I finally read the title.

The King’s Priced Jewel by Blue Bird

I smile as I move my fingers over the words. If I wasn’t feeling so uneasy, I may have let myself read the novel.

But I can’t. Not with how on edge I feel.

Nothing has felt safe since the moment those witches and wizards ruined my wedding ceremony.

My heart aches at the memory. The noise. The screams. The blood... the flames...

The way Cassia jumped in front of me to save me.

I squeeze my eyes shut. As thoughts rummage through my head. Is Cassia okay?

How is my Koda? He survived that fall, right?

And Rhydian? I healed him twice. Was I able to save him?

Where do Seun run off too with Anwil? Kishan survived the chaos, right?

How is everyone?

The fear twists inside me again. The same painful coil that hasn’t loosened since the moment Zephan carried me away from Gravemaw.

My throat tightens.

I don’t know if they’re okay. I don’t know anything anymore and it hurts.

I feel trapped here, surrounded by walls and corners and quiet. Too much quiet.

I’ve always hated the quiet. It leaves too much space for the sadness in my head.

Just when I place my forehead against my knees, the door opens softly.

I look up, and spot Zephan. He steps inside cautiously like there’s a baby in the room he’s afraid of waking, and I blink at him.

He’s shirtless again. Dressed in nothing but his golden jewelry, baggy back pants and black sandals. He looks tired, but I don’t see him willing to surrender to that exhaustion anytime soon.

That’s right. I healed him too. How is he feeling? I can’t see any scars...

He also hasn’t asked me anything about that. Maybe he was too out of it to notice?

I look back up at his face and when his beautiful dual colored eyes land on me, something gentle flickers through his eyes.

He walks toward the bed, and takes a seat at the foot of the bed, keeping a respectful space between us before speaking.

"Dinner will be served soon," he informs with a soft voice, and I blink at him.

"Would you prefer to come downstairs, or would you like me to bring a tray brought up here?" He adds, and I pause.

Part of me wants to say I don’t want to eat at all, another part wants to close my eyes and open them. I’m back in Gravemaw, but the bigger part... the heavier part of me... hates the isolation already creeping in from being in here all day.

"I... I want to eat with the family." I state as I hold his gaze, and he nods once, a small gesture that is somehow reassuring.

"All right." He replies and as he stands up to leave, something in me panics about how lonely the room will look once the door closes again. Silent, too large, too empty.

Before I can stop myself, the words slip out.

"When... When can I go back to Gravemaw?" I ask, and he freezes mid-step.

He doesn’t turn immediately. He stands still for a moment, his back to me, shoulders rising and falling with a slow breath. Then he looks over his shoulder.

"As soon as it is safe," he says quietly,

"I will personally take you there." He adds, and my fingers curl into the blanket.

"When exactly will that be?" I push, and he turns to look at me. He studies me for a moment.

And the silence makes me shift nervously.

"I don’t know," he finally murmurs.

"And I do not wish to lie to you that I do." He says in a softer tone, and the honesty stings.

It stings more than a lie would.

Zephan turns again and walks to the door. He opens it halfway before pausing... not turning, not speaking... just pausing as if he wants to say something but can’t find the right words.

Then he leaves.

The door closes softly behind him.

I stare at the space he left behind, the empty silence rushing back in with suffocating force.

I don’t know why, but the silence finally breaks me. A tear slips down my cheek.

Then another... and before I can wipe them away, more follow... slow at first, then faster, until my vision blurs and my breath hitches.

Why did everything change so suddenly?

Why did my world turn upside down in one night?

Who were those people who attacked us?

Why did they come for me?

Why did they destroy everything I just managed to build?

I press a hand against my chest, as I try to stabilize my breathing.

I want to go home.

I want to see Cassia again.

I want to hear Koda scold me for not eating well enough.

I want to have another long chat with Seun while holding Anwil.

I want normal.

But nothing seems normal anymore.

I look down at the book in my lap, noticing for the first time that my hands are trembling. I close the book slowly, set it aside, as I pull my knees closer to my chest.

The loneliness settles around me like a soaked shawl, seeping into my bones, my thoughts.

And for the first time since arriving here... I let myself cry.

Crying quietly... helplessly.

Crying for everything I lost... for everything I don’t understand.

Crying because I don’t know what tomorrow looks like anymore.

And because I no longer know if I want to know.