Help! Five Beast Alphas Want To Breed Me!!(BL)-Chapter 217: I Don’t Know How To Live Like This

Cassia;

I don’t remember how long I’ve been crying.

Minutes. Hours... It feels like it’s been days. I’m unsure of how much time has passed.

All I know is that everything feels wrong. The walls feel too close, too intrusive, too sharp. It’s like every wall in this room is pressing against my skull. As if they want to crush me the same way the world already has...

My breath shakes, and my entire body trembles uncontrollably. I can’t even stop it. It feels like my soul is missing. Torn out violently and replaced with hollow, echoing emptiness.

My beast.

My strength.

My identity.

It’s Gone.

Another choked, broken sob tears out of me before I can stop it. I press my palms against my eyes, dragging in a shuddering breath that does nothing to ease the merciless ache in my heart.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

Not to me. Not after everything I fought to prove.

The first problem I ever had in my life... the first burden I carried from birth... was being born an Omega into a royal bloodline.

Omegas don’t lead. Omegas don’t rule. Omegas don’t protect an entire kingdom.

They are born to submit. Surrender. Procreate. That’s what I was born for.

But thankfully, Gravemaw’s traditions don’t allow discrimination. Not based on rank. Not based on birth. Not based on riches. 𝙛𝒓𝓮𝒆𝔀𝒆𝙗𝓷𝒐𝙫𝒆𝙡.𝒄𝓸𝓶

This lack of tolerance for discrimination is why they lifted me. They took an Omega girl with a quiet voice and a quiet heart, and set me on the throne as Queen.

The only thing I had... The only thing that ever made me feel like I deserved that crown... that position, was my beast.

My powerful, royal beast. It was the only thing that proved that I was indeed of royal blood and deserved my place on the throne.

It was the part of me that roared when I whispered. The part of me that could stand tall when the world wanted me on my knees.

It was the one proof I had that I was not a mistake... That I was not a weakness.

That I... that I was not just some Omega who stumbled her way into royalty.

And now it’s gone...

Another sob rips from me, sharp and ugly, shaking through my entire chest.

I grip the blanket beneath me so tightly it tears at the seams.

Who am I now? What am I supposed to rule with?

A voice?

A title?

A crown that suddenly feels heavier than the world? Like and insult...??

Without my beast... I am nothing.

I fold forward, pressing my forehead into my knees as sorrow rakes through every inch of my being.

. "Why...?" The word escapes in a whisper, a sound full of nothing but misery.

"Why did this happen to me, goddess?? I’ve been faithful. I have served you all my life, I have only ever done good, so why let this horrible fate befall me? This... Is death... death with air still in my lungs..." I croak as I shut my eyes.

I try not to blame him. I try so hard not to let anger twist itself around Wilhelm’s name, but that’s the only thought crawling through my head.

Why didn’t he listen?

Why didn’t he stop the wedding?

Why didn’t he take Isilya’s warning seriously!?

She warned us. She saw danger coming. She tried to make us pause, but Wilhelm insisted everything was fine.

He insisted we had control.

He insisted no one would dare attack Gravemaw.

And now look what’s happened.

A fresh wave of tears rolls down my cheeks, hot and relentless as my reality dawns on me.

How am I supposed to rule a tribe of bear beastmen and women when I’ve lost my beast? What honour do I have now? What right do I have to be their head??

Why did the witches and warlocks do this to my home?

What crime did I commit against them??

Why us???

Why now????

Why did they come for my children... my kingdom?

What did we do!?

A fierce scream burns in my throat, but it comes out silent, trapped behind my teeth. The more I think, the more I crumble, and the more I crumble, the louder the emptiness I feel inside becomes.

My beast is gone.

Gone.

The door suddenly slams open, and I jolt so hard my heart jumps into my throat.

I look up at who came in, instinctively expecting danger, but I freeze at who I see.

Koda stands in the doorway, chest heaving, eyes wide and filled with pain as he stares at me.

For a moment, neither of us moves.

We simply stare.

His lips part slightly, as if he’s not sure I’m real. Then his gaze drops to my shaking hands, my wet face, the broken way I’m curled on the bed, and his expression shatters.

"Mother..." he whispers.

The word breaks something fresh inside me, and I feel my lips tremble.

He steps in slowly at first, cautious, as though he thinks one wrong move might make me push him away, but I don’t move. I can’t even breathe.

He sits on the bed in front of me, and the sorrow in his eyes pierces through me. His arms wrap around me, pulling me against him gently, and the moment he touches me, I crumble.

I collapse against his chest, clutching his arms with trembling fingers. The sob that tears out of me is loud enough to hurt my throat, and Koda holds me tighter. Stronger. As if he’s trying to keep the pieces left of me together.

"It’s okay," he whispers. "It’s okay, Mom. I’m here." He whispers, and I shake my head violently against his shoulder.

"No... no, it’s not... it’s not okay..." The words spill out, soaked with tears.

"I...I’ve lost it, Koda. I’ve lost everything. My beast, my power, my...my identity..." I cry, and Koda pulls back enough to cup my cheeks gently.

His thumbs wipe my tears, though more keep streaming down.

"You haven’t lost everything," he says softly, and I shake my head in disagreement.

"I have." My voice breaks again.

"Koda... the reason witches and warlocks were segregated, the reason they were treated differently... was because they didn’t have beasts. Their identity was incomplete. That’s why the kingdoms never trusted them." I speak as my hands grip his wrists weakly.

"So tell me... how am I supposed to live like this? How am I supposed to rule like this? When I’ve become exactly what our people feared and despised?" I cry, and Koda’s brows knit, but he doesn’t look away.

"Mother..."

"There is nothing left of me," I whisper.

"I’m worthless now. How do I breathe without my other half? How do I face the kingdom? How do I protect any of you... When I can’t even shift anymore?" I cry, and Koda shakes his head stubbornly.

"You are not worthless."

A broken laugh escapes me... thin and hopeless at his words.

"You don’t understand. Our beasts are everything. Everything, Koda. Without them, we are shells." I speak as more tears spill down my chin.

"I have become empty. Completely empty." I croak, and he squeezes my hands.

"That’s not true."

"It feels true," I whisper.

"I know." He replies with his voice as soft as honey dripping against a flower petal.

"But feeling broken is not the same as being broken. You are still our mother. You are still the Queen. You are still Cassia of Gravemaw." He speaks, and I tremble harder.

"Your beast didn’t make you worthy. You made the kingdom love you. You made us strong. You carried us. Not your beast." He continues, and I stare at him.

I want to believe him. I want to cling to his words and let them stitch me back together.

But I can’t. Not with this pain burning every bit of peace in me.

"I don’t know how to live like this," I admit in a whisper, and Koda pulls me back into his arms, chin resting on top of my head.

"You don’t have to know right now. You don’t have to be okay right now." He whispers, and my tears coast his skin.

He holds me until my breathing slows... only barely, but enough for the storm to ease for a moment.

Then he whispers, quiet and certain,

"We’ll figure this out. I promise you, Mom. We will." He says, and I close my eyes tightly.

I don’t believe him.

But I don’t argue.

Because I have to be strong for him.

Even if I am falling apart inside... I have to be strong for my child. He has his own worries. His own fears. I should remember that in my grief.

Seeing your mother broken is a brutal punishment to any child. I shouldn’t force my dear to go through any more of this torture.

I need... I need... to pull myself together... for him.

Yes, I don’t know how... or if I will survive this... but I... I should try harder... for him.