Bought For A Baby, Kept For A Lifetime-Chapter 179: Unlovable

"Why did you send her away like that?" Shawn questioned as he hurriedly yet expertly began to clean the surface of the bullet wound on Andrew’s shoulder.

When Andrew didn’t say anything to reply, Shawn continued.

"Did you see how worried she looked? She just wanted to make sure you’re fine."

He still didn’t say anything, but Shawn saw how his eyes revealed a trace of self rebuking light.

"Are you ever going to learn to accept care and concern from someone else without trying to push it away? If you keep at this, she might truly start to resent you."

Having this kind of conversation with the sober Andrew, Shawn didn’t expect to get any reply, and even if he did, it would be one dismissing the conversation entirely, but Shawn was quite surprised by what Andrew said when he finally spoke.

"I didn’t want her seeing me like this."

Shawn’s hand which was holding a scalpel paused slightly in surprise before he continued his work.

"She looked so afraid of the blood, like her soul had left her body, I didn’t want to put her through that." He added in a much lower tone.

Focusing on what he was doing, Shawn slowly retrieved a bullet from the wound, a pained groan being the only sound coming from Andrew as the bullet was pulled out and tossed into a tray where it made a clinking sound.

Just like the last time Shawn had done this, taking a bullet out of Andrew’s body, the bullet looked special. It looked like it wasn’t from any normal gun.

It was gold in color with strange engravings around it which Andrew’s blood had stained.

Shawn looked away from the bullet quietly.

"If you didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable, you could have just said that to her instead of sending her out like that."

Andrew went stiff, only after a while did he reply.

"I don’t..." He trailed off and Shawn once again looked surprised. The man who usually spoke with confidence and never minced words was finding himself struggling with words right now.

Shawn didn’t know if he should blame the bullet or the woman making him this way.

"...I don’t know how to talk to people like that." Andrew finally admitted in a low voice, his face looking like he was having an internal struggle.

"If you care about someone, your instincts teaches you how to treat them, how to speak to them, how to care about them because it’s what you feel. The only difference in your case is the fact that deep inside, a part of you is afraid of showing that care."

Andrew’s expression suddenly looked like someone who’d been struck by lightning, slowly his surprised eyes rose to look at Shawn questioningly.

"I am right aren’t I? You’re afraid."

He quickly looked away like someone concealing something. He wasn’t accustomed to someone else seeing through him. He wasn’t accustomed to showing others or telling them how he felt. 𝙛𝓻𝒆𝒆𝒘𝙚𝓫𝙣𝙤𝒗𝙚𝓵.𝙘𝙤𝙢

"But the question is, what exactly is that fear that makes you want to bottle up your affection? Is it the fear of rejection, or the fear of letting someone in giving them the power to hurt you?"

Andrew knew Shawn had accurately deduced his internal thoughts, but he said nothing to confirm or deny everything Shawn said.

What was his fear, Shawn had asked.

His fear was buried deep inside him, he never confronted it because he never let himself enter a situation that led him to; his fear was the very thing he’d tried to escape, which was why he’d made himself this powerful untouchable man, so his fear would never catch up to him.

He’d made himself into perfection to escape that very fear, his fear...was his greatest flaw.

His flaws that had led his life to be what it was.

In the past, as a child he’d had many hopes.

Hopes built from realizing his life wasn’t normal.

Other kids played games with their fathers, he only realized it when he saw it, how loving other fathers were with their sons. The unshakeable bond between them.

He was picked up from school in the most expensive cars by the Sterling family drivers, but the five year old Andrew had wanted his father to pick him up even if they had to walk all the way home.

Enviously he’d stare out the roads at a fathers riding an ordinary bike to pick up their sons, enviously he would watch their smiles and happy laughter.

He realized his life wasn’t normal, it was terribly wrong.

Mothers would hug their sons and give them loving kisses on the cheeks, but his never even came close to him.

Back then, he hadn’t despised the idea of love, he’d longed for it.

At school, in a particular history class, a teacher had read a fable about a mother long ago. An ordinary woman who in order to keep her child safe would become dangerous just to keep the danger itself out. She would fuss at a single wound on her child, would hurt at seeing them Ill, would do anything to take care of them.

At the time, the child he’d been had deliberately gotten himself hurt just so his mother would look at him but she glanced at his wound and looked away with no care or concern in her eyes.

The repeated rejection in the past had led the child to see something in himself, flaws.

He was flawed, he was unlovable, it was all his fault, he was unlovable.

His defense had then decided to reject love, it wasn’t for him.

He was unlovable.

That belief still lived inside him, he’d buried it away but it was slowly creeping out of him in the present moment.

If he showed her he cared, would she turn her back to him like his parents had?

Someone whose parents had rejected, whose parents had never loved... would anyone else be able to love someone like that?

"You love her." Shawn suddenly stated pulling Andrew out of the depths of his mind.

Shawn’s words were a certain statement that didn’t seem like a contemplation.

Something fizzled through Andrew’s chest.

Love...

It seemed no matter how much he tried to run from it, fight it, it had still caught up to him.

Love...

He’d fallen in love with her.

No, he was utterly, and completely in love with her, and that fact he could no longer deny.