Use Me Like A Drug (omegaverse bl)-Chapter 77: I’m not weak anymore
Yujun’s POV
I see nothing.
Everything appears as a blur, hazy and fuzzy around the edges.
I feel nothing as he jumps out the window, but my hand won’t stop shaking.
Why am I shaking so bad?
I blink and I feel wetness on my face.
Why is my face wet?
Still holding the hoodie and the gun in my hands, I slowly lift them to touch my face, and they both won’t stop shaking.
I pull my hands back after pressing my fingers to my cool face, I look at them and see that they are covered in clear liquid.
Tears?
I’m crying?
Hwang fucking Jaehyun.
Why does he have to come here into my space and ruin everything?
"An alpha doesn’t cry" I say quietly to myself and walk to my bed, I sit on the edge of it, unsure of what to do with myself.
My gun is still in my hand, and I lift my hand to look at it, turning it back and forth slowly to examine it.
There is a bit of red drying on the sleek black body of the gun.
His blood.
’Alpha’ my omega calls and I immediately shut the voice down, having mastered the act of silencing ’the unwanted’ once again after those two days of training.
I let the gun drop to the floor and my breathing comes out like a stutter.
What is wrong with me?
"Only family matters" I say, repeating the words that I heard for two days straight to myself, reminding myself of the only things that matters.
"Only clan matters" I say.
"Only duties matter" I say and my breathing seems to increase with every word I say.
I can’t feel or see anything.
I feel like I am a stranger in my own body, there is a distant voice calling me back, but it doesn’t matter, this place is bliss.
Ignorance is bliss.
Not knowing how I feel in this moment is bliss.
I have been away from my room for so long that I have no idea what to do in the room, I slide to the floor and lay there, the cold and hard tiles of the floor feel more familiar than the bed.
I am more used to it.
I fold myself, hugging my legs to my chest and look at the window as a cold gust of wind blows in, causing the curtains to move softly and I keep my eyes on them.
I should get up and shut the windows, but I don’t move.
With the hoodie on my chest, I shut my eyes to give in to the dark arms of dear sleep, maybe it would be kind to me.
The door opens and I hear footsteps walking over to me.
I push myself up and see it’s Yunah.
Under the moonlight she looks different, like a woman who knows herself better, like a woman who carries herself strongly.
"Oppa" she says and squats in front of me, she isn’t wearing a smile tonight, in her hand is a small box.
A first aid box.
"Get up, let me clean you up" she says softly and I pull myself up with effort, I know somewhere in my body hurts, I know a rib has been broken and I know I need a number of stitches.
But I am an alpha, I should heal. I will heal.
"Don’t worry sunshine, I’m fine" I say and her face dims even more, hurts filling her expression, "we can’t keep lying like this...I can’t..." she shakes her head.
"I am not lying anymore, this is my reality" I say with a smile, the smile I have always reserved for her ever since I started shielding her from our world.
I know my protection has worn out, my shields no longer work, and she has seen clearly the brutality of our world but it still gives me a sense of usefulness.
"It doesn’t have to be...Oppa, it doesn’t have to be this way" she says desperately and I know what she is going to say next will involve the alpha I just turned out.
"Oppa..." she calls and I raise my hand, a gesture I have never used on her before, a gesture reserved for political moments.
But Yunah doesn’t flinch, she holds my hand and brings it down slowly.
My eyes follow the way she brings them down, it’s like a calling back to earth for me...a calling back to...me.
But I don’t want it...I have duties waiting for me...a clan...a...
"If we go to Jaehyun Oppa..." she says, "I will kill him" I say and she stubbornly continues.
The ever-hopeful Choi sunshine.
The only one in this family that seems to feel like she deserves a life, love and happiness.
She deserves everything beautiful.
"You wont" she says and I growl, the alpha-like sound that has been reinstalled in me and she doesn’t flinch still.
She keeps her eyes on me like she knows something I don’t know, like she sees something I don’t see and like she feels something I am refusing to feel.
Why feel when I will go through pain again?
Ignorance is bliss.
I die on this mountain.
"Oppa, you won’t kill Jaehyun Oppa...you love him" she says and the feelings that were starting to bloom with her presence suddenly goes off.
The heavy blackness and deadness return and I know she sees it because she holds my hands desperately as if to call me back.
"Don’t do this Oppa, this is not you...come back to us" she says with her eyes brimming with tears.
I open my arms and hug her to my chest.
The action feels programmed but I feel the clawing of my omega in me, demanding to be set free and demanding to feed our pup comfort but I swallow it down.
I’m not weak anymore.
No.
I won’t be weak anymore...I choose and I have been trained to be this...the alpha Choi’s son.
