The Archduke's Songbird-Chapter 161: Last Words(II)

Jessamyn’s face blushed as she remembered.

They were in the garden a couple of days before the wedding. Joar, ever the considerate lover, was explaining how their wedding would be, and she could see the love in his actions. She couldn’t hold herself back, overwhelmed by his love and gentleness.

She instigated it. He didn’t stop, and it happened.

Their first time, her first time, was under the sun, in the shade of the tree they spent time under, with birds and bugs as witnesses. It was not conventional, but it was lovely. That was probably the day she got pregnant.

She never regretted that day, even though it caused troubles. Joar stood by her side and helped her maneuver through those tough times. But maybe she wouldn’t do it that way if she got a do over.

He was pretty shocked to see the blood on his coat, which he had used as a blanket. She was loved up and exhilarated; she didn’t care. Maybe everyone thought she was not a virgin because she didn’t fail to proclaim her love for the gardener boy she once loved. She didn’t find the need to discuss it.

Until now, Jessamyn didn’t think that Joar had kept it in mind.

"Joar, that day," she began, her voice softening, "was the most beautiful day of my life. I never regretted it. Not for a moment."

Joar’s expression softened, his spectral form shimmering with an ethereal light. "I know, Jasmine... Me too... But, as a man I~"

Jessamyn chuckled to interject him. Only a man like Joar would take responsibility for having intimate relationship with the woman he married before the wedding.

"I was a lucky dog to have you fall for me, my darling..." Joar said, his lips curving a little. "I didn’t protect you as much as I wanted to but your love..."

He didn’t treat her respectfully. Had he made the decision to wait a couple more days, her life might have been different. Knowing his mother, that was impossible, but still...

He respected Jerrick for that reason. Knowing his wife, he had the gut feeling that Jerrick was the one who held back from turning their relationship intimate. It was not uncommon even among the aristocratic circles to have lovers before their wedding. It caused no commotion unless it was exposed. Jessamyn would have offered herself had Jerrick asked; that’s the way she loved. She gave everything for love.

Joar looked at Jessamyn, now staring at him with a mixed emotion. He didn’t have much time left. "My mother... did she suffer enough in his hands?" he asked.

Jessamyn’s eyes widened. She didn’t know why but it felt like Joar was more than satisfied with leaving her with Jerrick. She couldn’t understand him.

"He said a bull chased her and she fell down the stairs of the Temple Mount..."

Joar’s spectral form flickered slightly, his expression momentarily hardening. "A bull chased her?" he scoffed, a mixture of disdain and amusement in his voice. "I suppose that’s as fitting an end as any for her. I surely see his act in this."

Jessamyn’s eyes widened, uncertainty clouding her features. She couldn’t grasp why Joar seemed more than satisfied with leaving her with Jerrick. Her heart felt torn between the past she cherished and the present that confused her. "Joar, do you wish to leave me with Jerrick? Is that the happiness you foresee for me?" she asked, her voice trembling with a mix of hope and fear.

Joar’s expression softened once more, his form glowing with an ethereal light that seemed to radiate love and understanding. "Jasmine," he began gently, "my greatest wish is for you to find peace and happiness. It cannot be achieved by being with anyone. It comes from inside you. I never wish to leave you with someone else but with yourself, with a stronger you."

A cold wind blew gathering the clouds, covering the moon, turning the garden momentarily dark, but Jessamyn’s eyes brightened.

"So you’ll stay until I get stronger?"

Joar’s expression turned to that of an elder who was disappointed with a child. "Jasmine... you are purposefully not understanding me."

Jessamyn could sense his disappointment but she selfishly didn’t want him to leave. She cared about nothing else.

"Stay? Why should I stay?" Joar raised his voice, the affectionate gentleness tone corrupted with a suppressed fury. "To watch you sob day and night, unable to hold you in my arms? To feel helpless not able to share warmth when you’re shivering in cold? To be unable to catch you when you fall? To watch you ruin your health unable to change a damn thing?"

"Joar..."

Jessamyn’s eyes widened, her heart pounding as Joar’s voice echoed with an intensity she hadn’t heard before. The garden, now shrouded in darkness, seemed to mirror the turmoil within her. She swallowed hard, tears welling up again, but this time not just from grief, but from the realization of the pain she was causing Joar.

"Joar, I’m sorry," she whispered, her voice barely audible over the howling wind. "I didn’t mean to... I just... I don’t know how to live without you."

Joar’s form flickered again, the dark aura slowly dissipating as he regained his composure. He sighed deeply, his expression softening once more. "Jasmine, my love, living without me doesn’t mean forgetting me. It means honoring our love by living fully, by being the strong, incredible woman I fell in love with."

Jessamyn understood him but still was not willing to say what he wanted to hear. She didn’t want to lose him. If heavens gave her the chance to be with Joar again in this life itself, why would she lose it?

"I didn’t want to show you this, but... Look at me, Jasmine..." Joar said. Jessamyn wetted her lips and looked at Joar. His form floated as he spread his arms out and rose above.

Jessamyn gasped, her eyes widening in horror as she saw the chains that bound Joar. They were thick and dark, almost pulsating with a malevolent energy. She had always believed in the purity of his soul, and seeing him shackled like this was unbearable.

"Joar... what are those?" she whispered, her voice trembling with fear and confusion.

Joar’s form flickered, the ethereal light around him dimming as he descended back to the ground. "These chains," he said, his voice heavy with sorrow, "are the ties that bind me to this world. They are forged from the unresolved pain and grief that you hold onto, Jasmine."

Jessamyn shook her head, tears streaming down her face. "No... no, that can’t be true. I don’t want to keep you bound. I just... I love you. I do not want to lose you."

Joar’s expression was filled with a deep, aching sadness. "I know, my love. But your unwillingness to let go is what keeps me from finding peace. Every time you cling to the past, every time you refuse to move forward, these chains grow stronger. They are a reflection of your own heart, Jasmine."

Jessamyn fell to her knees, her sobs shaking her body. "I’m so sorry, Joar... I didn’t know... Sorry..."