Piss Off, Alpha! You Lost Me Forever-Chapter 172 Still Not Mine

ZADE’S POV

I heard it from two different contacts before noon.

Damien Stone had gone to Sophia’s hospital. He’d waited outside her office like a man with something to deliver, had handed her a folder, had spoken to her in the corridor. My contacts didn’t know what was in the folder. But I knew.

I thought about this for about twenty minutes.

Then I poured a drink.

The first one went down fast. The second was a bit slower. By the third I had stopped pretending it was about unwinding and started being honest with myself - I was angry. I was pissed as fuck.

The rational part of me said this wasn’t my business. Sophia had made her choices. She had declined my gift.

But my wolf didn’t speak rational. My wolf wanted her.

I drank till I started to stumble. Then, I drove to Sky Manor.

I shouldn’t have. I knew I shouldn’t have but my wolf had decided and my body had followed. Before I knew what I was doing, I was parked outside her gate.

I got out then knocked on the door. Klara, her little niece, opened it. She took one look at me and her eyes went wide.

"I need to speak to Sophia," I said.

Klara opened her mouth.

"Please." The word came out rough.

She stepped back without speaking and went upstairs. I heard her knock, heard Sophia’s voice then I heard footsteps.

Sophia appeared at the top of the stairs.

She was in her night clothes. Her hair was loose. She looked at me standing in her hallway with a shocked expression.

"Zade." Her voice was quiet. "What are you doing here?"

I walked inside, looking at her. The alcohol was starting to kick in.

"He went to your hospital," I said. "Damien. He went there today."

"Yes." She didn’t deny it "He brought the signed divorce papers. That’s all it was."

"That’s all." I slurred "You told him - you keep - Sophia, you promised me."

She frowned. "What promise-"

"You said-" I stopped then started again "You promised before. You said-"

"Zade." She came down the stairs. When she reached the bottom she stopped directly in front of me and looked up at my face "You’re drunk."

"I’m aware," I said.

"You drove here drunk?"

"My wolf guided me. We don’t crash."

"That is not-" She pressed her fingers to her temple. "That is not how driving works."

"Sophia....I heard he was there and I-" My jaw tightened. I looked at her face "I can’t do it. I’ve tried. I’ve tried to be the version of this that makes sense, the version where I give you space and wait”

She was very still, watching me.

"I’m not going to hurt you," I said. "I know I’ve said things and done things. I know. I know what I’ve done. And I can’t" My voice cracked. I heard it crack yet I didn’t try to fix it. The Alpha pride that normally kept that from happening had gone somewhere else tonight, and what was left was just me. "I can’t stand watching you be hurt by him and not be able to do anything about it. I can’t stand being the person you keep walking away from when all I want-"

I stopped. My eyes had gone wet.

I didn’t even realize it till I felt a tear roll down my cheek. This was ironic. I - an Alpha wolf, standing in a hallway, crying. I stood here crying over a woman who had told me repeatedly that she was not mine, who had declined my gifts, who had walked into her house without looking back.

My wolf didn’t care about dignity tonight. The tears came slowly. Maybe it was the alcohol. I had no idea but I couldn’t help it.

"Choose me," I said. My voice was rough and low "I know I haven’t given you enough reasons to but I love you”

Sophia stood in front of me, looking at my face for a long moment.

Her expression was unreadable. I couldn’t even tell what she was thinking.

Then she moved. She reached out and put her hand on my arm.

"Come here," she said quietly.

She walked me to the sofa and sat me down on it. She sat beside me silently.

"Zade." Her voice was gentle. "Look at me."

I looked.

"I hear you," she said.

I reached out and pulled her close. She let me. I pressed my face into her hair, breathing her in. To my surprise, she didn’t pull away.

"Your favorite tea is the jasmine one," I said into her hair. "Not the green, the jasmine. You drink it without sugar but only in the morning, in the evening you want it slightly sweet. You sleep on the left side of the bed. You can’t fall asleep if there’s a sound with an irregular rhythm - it has to either be continuous or silent." I paused. "You rub your left thumb against your index finger when you’re thinking hard about something. You do it without knowing you’re doing it. You’ve been doing it right now."

She went very still.

"I’m not drunk enough to invent those things," I said. "I notice you. I have always noticed you."

"Zade," she said whispered.

"I know. I know it’s not enough. I know you need more than noticing. I just need to be more than him. That’s all I’m asking”

The room was very quiet. Klara had long gone upstairs. We were alone here.

"Go to sleep," she said quietly. "You need to sleep."

"Not letting go," I said

"I’m not asking you to." She shifted, making room, letting me keep the hold I had on her without fighting it. Her warmth was real and immediate against my side. "Sleep, Zade."

My wolf was very exhausted and so was I

I closed my eyes.

-

Morning came.

I woke slowly. My head ached a bit. My mouth was dry. The events of the night came into my head slowly.

I had cried in her hallway. I had told her I loved her..

Sophia was still asleep beside me, on her side, facing away. Her hair was loose across the pillow. In the morning light, she looked so peaceful.

I looked at her for a long time.

Eventually she woke up. She found me watching.

She looked at me for a moment without speaking.

"How’s your head?" she asked.

"it hurts a bit."

Something in her expression softened

"You should go," she said.

"I know."

"Klara will be up soon."

"I know." I sat up slowly. The room adjusted. I pressed my palms against my knees and breathed for a moment. "Sophia."

"Yes."

"I meant everything I said."

She looked at me with a sad smile “I know you did."

"That’s all I needed you to know." I stood, straightening my jacket.

I ran my hand through my hair. Whatever dignity I could recover, I recovered.

She walked me to the door.

At the threshold I turned and looked at her one last time - standing in her doorway in the grey morning.

She still wasn’t mine. And that was what hurt the most.