My Alleged Husband-Chapter 1764 - 1558: Lingering Longings

Can you hear my call to you? If your heart is still empty, waiting for love to adorn it, I’m willing to accompany you across mountains and rivers.

Life is like this, making us lose what we cherish most time and time again, only to realize in the end how much we cared for it all. When we had it, no one ever thought about what results these things would lead to. Why is everyone always so selfish and self-centered, always disregarding others’ comfort for their own ideas?

In a lifetime, everyone will encounter significant issues, but ultimately everyone ends up with just these pains. Some give their all repeatedly for themselves, yet no one knows how they’ve truly spent their lives.

Has anyone really thought about how they spend their lives? We endure agony time and time again, but who has contemplated how to bear all this? Who knows about the newest pain after each devastating blow? During the day, we numb ourselves with work, but what can numb us at night? The yearning in my heart grows deeper with each passing day, until eventually, I become a walking corpse, not knowing what I should gain. No one knows what kind of end they will face in this lifetime.

Perhaps life is just like this, enduring all hardships and ultimately experiencing love’s parting. But do we truly know how we got here? Time and again, we stew in pain, bearing wounds with each encounter. Who knows what kind of harm we might suffer? That’s life for everyone, yet in the end, we remain trapped, unable to escape the deepest abyss of suffering we’ve brought upon ourselves. Everyone is like this, but who truly understands what kind of life they want to lead to find satisfaction?

Many people’s hearts are inherently greedy. Some would stop at nothing to harm those they are closest and dearest to for their own selfish benefits. Yet, some are willing to give everything repeatedly for those who bring them happiness and joy.

Zhang Zhentian truly doesn’t know how to console his wife. He knows she’s trapped in a deep chasm of pain, unable to extricate herself. No one can save her. He’s jolted awake by nightmares night after night, while time after time, she makes life-altering decisions, repeatedly hurting herself, all in the hope of the person she waits for turning back to look at her, even if only for a day. Is the human heart so fragile? Why is it unable to withstand the washing of time? Time changes everything, making it so insignificant, so vulnerable.

Xia Jing understands what Zhang Zhentian thinks. After so many years of marriage, sharing a bed, how could there be no understanding or basic awareness? Without basic mutual understanding after living together for so many years, what meaning remains? Even if the union wasn’t based on love, years of married life still yield relative understanding. Often, those who understand you best aren’t your friends but your enemies. You may not understand yourself, but do you realize how deeply those around you know you? To understand you, they may spend half their lives, all just to one day bring you down completely. Yet, you don’t understand that their deep understanding of you might ultimately help you. A heart for a heart is a rarity; only after repeated hurt and torment do we see this is all for nothing, just an empty pursuit.

"Xia Jing, perhaps you won’t listen to anything I say now, but I hope you know that, regardless, as your husband, I will never harm you.

Over the years, haven’t you felt even a bit of my genuine heart for you? I’ve given so much for you all these years, haven’t you felt it at all?"

"In this world, the greatest pain isn’t watching, helpless, as the one you love most leaves you, one by one. Those dearest to me abandon me, yet I can only stand there, powerless. No one can truly understand or empathize with the pain consuming my heart over these years. You all think I’m selfish, only caring about my own thoughts and worries, ignoring everyone’s opinions of me. But do you know? Every time you face me and direct accusations, my heart aches with innocence. I wish to live happily, but I have no means!

All these years, I’ve given too much, but what have I gained? I’ve poured everything out, only to be met with his indifference. Do you know the speechlessness in my heart? I’m so tired; sometimes, I wish to close my eyes and never wake up again. At times, I desire an eternal slumber, so there’s no way to live happily again. Now, I only want to sleep forever, never waking, but each time I open my eyes, I find myself still in the profound darkness of my abyss, unable to see my hand in front of my face. Do you know that darkness? That void? No one knows!"

"You always think your pain is the greatest in the world, believing no one can understand what you’ve been through. But do you know you’re not the only one enduring such suffering in this world? Who hasn’t come through it this way? Didn’t everyone endure pain? This journey might leave us battered and devoid of happiness, but do you know how much I care? Do you know how much I hope you’d stay by my side, just like you care for that person you love the most to stay by yours? I’m just like you; the solitude and defeat of not seeing a thing in the dark of night cause my heart to crumble again and again..."

If love were like a brilliant light casting across mountains and seas, I’m willing to approach you, a moth drawn to the flame, becoming fire itself.