My Alleged Husband-Chapter 1542 - 1336: A Pain That Breathes

When I accomplished our dreams alone, you always said there was plenty of time, that you could wait for me. But did you know? Dreams don’t wait for me. I didn’t understand what a dream was before, and I realize that tomorrow might not come.

Zhang Ni stood outside the door for a long time, never going in. He wanted to hear what his dad and great-grandfather were saying inside, even though he knew eavesdropping was wrong. But his curiosity got the better of him; curiosity really did kill the cat!

Neither Zhang Yichen nor Old Master Zhang realized a child was standing outside, and every word they said had been overheard by this child. Had they known, they wouldn’t have spoken those words, as such words could give the child room for speculation, making him ponder that everything might not be as simple as it seems.

"Yichen, you don’t need to dwell on so many things. You now have such a lovely son. Just live happily for your son, that’s enough. Don’t worry about other issues. Regarding your parents’ affairs, you don’t need to think about them at all because it concerns your parents, not us. Even if it concerns you, you should act as though it doesn’t. Why should you pay for their mistakes? They don’t even dare to take responsibility for their own mistakes. Why should we repeatedly stand up for him, sacrificing everything for him when he always feels it’s our obligation to bear his responsibilities? He’s never reflected on whether his actions are right or wrong. We should stop indulging them, as that will only make them sink deeper!"

Zhang Yichen knew every relationship between them very well. He understood how everything was interconnected. If he helped once, there would definitely be a next time. However, he couldn’t just stand by and watch his parents’ affairs without helping. Isn’t that a disgrace to future generations? Although they did many things that embarrassed him, they are still his parents. There’s nothing more important than family affection, and he absolutely can’t be as ungrateful as his parents.

"Grandpa, I know many things can’t be easily explained, and I understand how difficult these matters are. I know you’re telling me this for my own good, but they are my parents. No matter what mistakes they’ve made, if they come to me for help, how could I stand by and do nothing? If they come to me for help and I do nothing, wouldn’t people ridicule me for being unfilial and ungrateful? I know you wouldn’t want others to think of me as ungrateful, right? I understand how much you care for me surpasses your care for my father. I must admit, though I’m a father now, my son hasn’t reached the importance you hold in my heart because you’ve been with me for so many years, raising me. I have much more time to spend with my son in the future, but the time with you might not be long. Perhaps one day, if I suddenly leave, your heart wouldn’t be able to bear such a loss. So why would I burden you with all my unhappiness, making you worry about me constantly? That’s not my intention nor my original purpose. My original intention is just to see you living well, to see you with a real smile on your face, not just a forced one from politeness. Do you know every time I think like this, I see your face full of worry? How painful it is inside when I clearly want you to have a happy and carefree life in your later years, yet I always make you worry for me again and again. Do you think my heart feels good about that?"

Zhang Ni happened to hear his father finish speaking. He pushed the door open directly, not giving Old Master Zhang a chance to reply. He knew barging in like this was indeed rude, but he couldn’t help it. He found it hard to accept his father saying those words, even if he understood that deep down it wasn’t how his father truly felt. Even so, he couldn’t bring himself to hate his father. After coming in, both people inside were stunned. When had a child been standing outside? Had he heard everything? If so, how should they explain now?

"Nai’er, why did you come in? Who told you to stand outside and eavesdrop? Don’t you know it’s very impolite to eavesdrop, it’s the most impolite thing!" Zhang Yichen glared at Zhang Ni and said.

"Dad, I heard every word you said inside. I actually want to tell you something. You don’t know why I know everything, and I won’t tell you because I don’t want to make you sad. You always think I’m a child who doesn’t understand anything, but I know more than you think. I’ve learned some things but can’t speak of them because if I do, you would be a hundredfold more saddened. What I want is to see you happily accompanying me instead of living in pain from endless entanglement. I’ve already lost my grandparents, and I can’t lose my parents too, nor my great-grandfather. You care for me so much, and you’ve sacrificed so much for me! Do you know, the reason I came in today was to tell you one thing? No matter how ungrateful they become, you’ll always have me. I won’t be ungrateful because I’m a part of this family. I’m a descendent of the Zhang Family, I’m my great-grandfather’s grandson, and I’m my father’s son!"

Old Master Zhang felt comforted hearing Zhang Ni’s words. Why is it only his own son from the Zhang Family who didn’t live up to expectations? Why think about that anymore? Even if he asked everyone why, no one could give him an answer. It’s better to just live his life in peace, as that would also be an explanation to the ones he loves.

"Good child, what you said today is very comforting for your great-grandfather; you haven’t let him down. You’ve shown him that you’re indeed the most manly!"

In the end, I realized that longing is a pain that breathes, living within me, creating pain even in silence. Whatever I do is painful, even regrets are filled with the same agony.