I Abandoned My Beast Cubs for the Protagonist... Oops?-Chapter 33: Cāng Jì’s Worst Nightmare

"Welcome, welcome! I hope you’re ready for a day of authentic monkey living!"

"I am not ready," Cāng Jì said flatly. "I will never be ready. This is torture."

"Nonsense!" The Monkey King clapped his hands together. "It builds character! Next time, you will be nicer to us! Now, let us begin with the morning routine!"

He gestured to the howling monkeys around them. "First, we greet the sun! You have already heard the wake-up call. Lovely, isn’t it?"

"It sounds like a dying crane giving its last wishes," Cāng Jì muttered, his fists clenched by his sides.

"Next!" Hóu Wáng continued, ignoring him completely, "we forage for breakfast! No cooking here, sparkles. We grab what’s ripe and we eat it fresh!"

He pointed to a cluster of massive fruit trees growing nearby. Bright orange mangoes hung from the branches, swaying in the breeze.

"You will need to catch them mid-swing," Hóu Wáng explained cheerfully. "It’s easy! Even our toddlers can do it!"

"I’m not swinging anywhere," Bai Yue said immediately, her grip on the trunk tightening. "I’m perfectly happy staying right here. Forever."

"Oh, but you must!" A young female monkey swung over, her tail wrapping around a vine for balance. "Otherwise you’ll starve! We don’t do ground-delivery!"

Before Bai Yue could protest, the monkey grabbed her hand and yanked her forward.

"WAIT—NO—AHHH!"

And suddenly she was airborne again, clinging to the monkey’s arm as they swung toward the fruit trees. The wind whipped through her hair, her stomach lurching with every arc.

"GRAB THE ORANGE ONE!" the monkey shouted. "THERE! NOW!"

Bai Yue’s hand shot out on pure instinct, and somehow, miraculously, her fingers closed around a mango. She clutched it to her chest like a lifeline as they swung back to the main branch. When her feet touched solid wood again, she collapsed onto her hands and knees, panting.

"I did it," she wheezed, holding up the mango like a trophy. "I caught it. I’m alive."

"Well done, shiny-female!" the young monkey chirped, already swinging away. "You’re learning!"

Meanwhile, Cāng Jì was having a significantly worse time.

"I will not swing," he declared, his arms crossed. "I am a dragon. Dragons do not swing. We fly with dignity and grace."

"No flying during trials!" Hóu Xián called from his perch, still juggling the Lumina-Stone. "That’s cheating!"

"Then I will starve with dignity!"

"Suit yourself!" The Monkey King shrugged. "But the grooming comes next, and you’ll need your strength for that."

Cāng Jì went very still. "The......grooming?"

"Oh yes!" Hóu Wáng’s grin was absolutely diabolical. "Very important part of monkey culture! We groom each other every morning. Builds bonds! Establishes hierarchy! Removes parasites!"

"PARASITES?!"

"Don’t worry!" A group of young monkey children appeared, their eyes wide with excitement. "We’ll be gentle with your scales, shiny-dragon!"

"No," Cāng Jì said, taking a step back. "Absolutely not. No one is touching my—"

The children swarmed him.

There must have been at least twenty of them, all chattering excitedly as they climbed up his robes, poked at his scales, and pulled at his hair.

"So smooth!"

"Is he made of gold?"

"Can we keep him?"

"His hair smells like flowers!"

"I found a shiny scale! Can I have it?!"

Cāng Jì stood frozen, his face cycling through approximately seventeen different shades of purple and red. His mouth opened and closed like a fish, no words coming out.

Bai Yue, knowing that she should probably keep quiet, snickered. The mighty Dragon Prince, the terror of the skies, was currently being groomed by a pack of over-enthusiastic monkey toddlers. Again. Just like yesterday.

"This is the best day of my life," she whispered.

"I HEARD THAT, STAR-THIEF!" Cāng Jì roared, but his dignity was thoroughly undermined by the small monkey currently trying to braid his hair.

Hóu Wáng produced a jagged wooden comb from somewhere and held it up. "Now, sparkles, it’s your turn! Since you have refused to eat, you need to groom one of us back! It’s only fair!"

"I refuse."

"Then no stone!" Hóu Xián sang, making the Lumina-Stone disappear into his fur somewhere.

Cāng Jì closed his eyes, forcing himself to breathe in and out before he lost control and killed someone. "Fine. FINE. Just... make it quick."

The Monkey King gestured grandly. "Pick your grooming partner!"

A large, grizzled male monkey stepped forward, grinning. He was missing several teeth and had a scar across one eye. He turned around, presenting his back.

"Go on then, dragon," he chuckled. "Show us what those delicate royal hands can do."

Cāng Jì looked at the jagged wooden comb, then at the monkey’s matted fur, then at his own trembling hands.

"I am a Prince of the First Generation," he whispered, more to himself than anyone else. "I have fought wars. I have commanded armies. I can endure this."

He raised the comb.

Bai Yue watched, fascinated, as the proud dragon actually began to groom the monkey’s fur. His movements were stiff and mechanical, his face twisted in an expression of pure suffering. The watching monkeys were absolutely delighted, chattering and pointing and making commentary.

"He’s so slow!"

"No, no, you have to dig deeper! Get the good parasites!"

"Is he crying?"

"I think he might be crying."

"I am NOT crying!" Cāng Jì snarled. "I am merely......my eyes are watering from the STENCH!"

And then it happened.

The monkey he was grooming, perhaps nervous, perhaps just having poor timing, perhaps sent by the universe to deliver the final blow to Cāng Jì’s dignity...

......peed.

It wasn’t a little trickle. It was a full, enthusiastic stream that soaked directly into the Dragon Prince’s pristine golden robes.

The entire canopy went silent.

Cāng Jì looked down at his ruined clothes. His eye twitched. His hands began to shake.

And then, in a voice that was somehow both a whisper and a scream:

"I. HATE. MONKEYS."

[DING! ☆]

[Trial One Progress: 10% Complete!]

[Cāng Jì’s Dignity: -9000%]

[Bai Yue’s Entertainment Level: MAXIMUM!]

[Warning: Dragon Meltdown Imminent!]