Help! Five Beast Alphas Want To Breed Me!!(BL)-Chapter 314: How Does It Feel?

Song For This Chapter: The Conflict Of The Mind by AURORA

Elián;

I still feel it in my chest long after the magic fades.

That warmth.

That... loosening. Like something that had been clenched inside me for weeks has finally shown mercy, and let go.

I know it wasn’t real.

I know Seun and Kishan didn’t really stand there smiling at me. They didn’t really place Anwil in my arms...

I know Koda didn’t actually lift me into his arms like that; he didn’t really press his forehead to my hair and whisper how much he misses me.

I know. I know it was all an illusion, but my heart doesn’t care.

My heart is still humming softly, echoing with gratitude I can’t put into words.

Gratitude that’s still rolling over me in waves, so I just sit there on the floor with Asa, as her magic dissolves.

The ache and discomfort that previously terrorised me are now gone, and I rest my hands on my stomach without even thinking.

I breathe slowly, begging myself not to cry.

I should tell Koda that I’m pregnant. Gravemaw should have gotten much better now... I’ll tell him after our baby is fully two months old and healthy.

Asa shifts beside me, and I turn to look at her.

She’s staring at her feet with a silence that feels... heavy. One, I don’t understand.

Did conjuring all that for me make her miss home too?

Where even is her home?

If I can’t get to mine... Maybe I can get her to hers?

"Thank you, Asa..." I whisper, but she doesn’t respond.

I watch her closely,y and I realise there’s sorrow in her eyes.

"What... What happened? Are you okay—?" I begin, but she cuts me off.

"How does it feel?" She asks, and my brows crease.

She finally looks up at me, and she isn’t smiling the way she usually does. There isn’t that sly, knowing curve on her lips.

Her face is just open... Bare.

"How does what feel?" I ask, and she hesitates... then her gaze drops to my stomach.

"Being pregnant," she says softly, and my heart skips.

"To... ha-have life growing inside you." She adds, and the words land strangely.

They aren’t teasing. They seem genuinely curious... Heavy.

I search her face, suddenly alert in a way I wasn’t a moment ago, but I find nothing that screams danger.

Her eyes aren’t sharp right now. They’re... searching.

Through her eyes, I see her heart bleeding...

Her lips quiver as she gives me a small smile.

"You... You love your baby a lot, don’t you? Knowing that soon you’ll have someone who would belong to you in... in ways no one else can." She whispers, and I watch a thick wall of tears build in her eyes.

"Can you... Can you please tell me what it feels like? To... to... to have your... your own baby in your— It’s a beautiful experience, isn’t it?" She pushes, and my heart shatters when I see the tears slide down her face.

I quickly reach forward and cradle her cheek.

"Asa, did... Did you lose a baby?" I question with a heavy heart, and she nods.

Air gets knocked out of my lungs as I look at her.

She looks away from me, up at the wall on the other side of the hall.

"They took my baby before I could even learn to love it. It’s a common brothel tradition to... remove the servers’ wombs..." She answers, and my mouth falls open in horror.

"I just... I just want to know if... if I’d have— What would it have felt like if I... if I got to keep my baby." She adds as she hugs her knees tighter, and I look away from her.

I scoot closer to her, and when she looks at me, I smile softly before resting my head on her shoulder.

"I don’t know," I whisper honestly at first, then pause. Because that isn’t quite true.

"I mean... I do know. I just don’t always have the words." I add, and she nods slowly.

"Try." She croaks. It’s a plea I can not ignore.

I lean further into her, fingers curling loosely over my stomach. The ground is cool beneath me, but her body gives me warmth.

"It’s... strange," I begin softly.

"My body doesn’t feel like just mine anymore. Sometimes that scares me. I won’t lie." I add with a laugh.

"I get tired. Moody. Hungry and sick at the same time. And sometimes I feel like crying for no reason at all." I add, and she looks down at me.

"But," I continue, with my voice softening, 𝕗𝐫𝚎𝗲𝘄𝐞𝕓𝐧𝕠𝘃𝕖𝐥.𝐜𝚘𝚖

"There are moments like just now... where I feel so full it almost hurts," I whisper as I slowly pull away, and she tilts her head slightly.

"Full of what?"

"Hope," I answer without overthinking it.

"Purpose. Love." I add, and the words sit between us.

I know this may be hard for her to hear, but I know she wants the truth. Lying to her when she trusted me to learn this would be cruel.

So, I just let my heart do the talking.

"I spent most of my life thinking I didn’t need a family," I admit.

"Or that I wasn’t meant to have one. It felt safer to believe that. It was easier. After your own family fails, you learn to seal up your heart." I add.

My throat tightens, but I keep going.

"My parents..." I trail off, then shake my head.

"They weren’t cruel. Not always. But they weren’t present either. Love was never in the picture. Sometimes I feel it would have been better if it had been given when I behaved correctly, and taken when I didn’t." I add, and Asa’s breath hitches so softly I almost miss it.

"I don’t want that for my child," I say firmly.

"I don’t want her to ever wonder if they’re wanted. I don’t want her to shrink themselves to earn affection..." I continue as I look down at my stomach— fingers pressing gently.

"I want to give her everything I didn’t have. Warmth. Safety. Patience. I want her to know that even on her worst days, she will still be loved." I whisper, and my voice wavers.

"And the thought that I get to do that... that I get to be better than what I came from... it feels beautiful. Terrifying. But beautiful." I concluded, and when I look up again, Asa’s eyes are shining with unshed tears.

Tears cling to her lashes, unfallen but trembling.

For a moment, neither of us speaks.

The air feels thick. Charged.

I know my words have affected her deeply. I recognise pain when it sees it.

She inhales sharply, then exhales with a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

"You make it sound so easy," she says, and I blink.

"It’s not," I say as I shake my head in negation, and she laughs quietly at that.

A sound that breaks me in a way no laughter should.

"I meant... hope," she corrects.

"You speak like someone who believes the future can be kinder than the past." She adds, and I shrug as I lean closer to her and take her hand.

"I have to believe that. Otherwise... what’s the point?" I reply, and her gaze drops to my stomach.

"To love something before you even know who they’ll become," she whispers.

"To choose them like that.." She adds as her fingers curl into her skirt.

I stop her before letting her drown deeper in her pain.

Although I’m shirtless, and this may be awkward, I pull her into a hug.

One arm wraps around her, and the other cradles the back of her head as I hold her.

"I’m sorry you had to go through such pain, Asa. No one should have to face such torture..." I whisper, and I feel her tense up in my arms.

"But you’re here now. We’ll make something out of what we have. I’ll look after you, I’ll... I’ll make sure those people can’t hurt you anymore. You’ll... we’ll...we’ll build something meaningful together. There’s so much you have to give." I add, and slowly, I feel her melt in my arms.

I pull away slowly and smile at her.

I wipe her tears away, and she just watches me.

"How about we do this... when my baby is born, you’d be her godmother. You know... like a second mom. She’ll... she’ll be our baby. Alana is my sister; you can be my sister too. What do you think?" I ask, and I watch her eyes widen slowly as her jaw drops.

I smile as I expect an answer from her, but her face crumples completely as fresh tears pour from her eyes.

"I’m sorry," she says suddenly as she shoots to her feet.

The word catches me off guard, and I watch as she backs away from me.

Did she find my words insulting? Did I make things worse??

"A-Asa?" I try to call, but she bows deeply with her ears flopping over.

I reach for her as she turns around and rushes off, and guilt sinks its claws into me.

I replay the conversation in my head, and I face palm.

Why did I tell her that?

That was stupid of me.

What if she thinks I was trying to rub my baby in her face?

I didn’t hurt her...

Elien stirs faintly inside my mind, brushing against my thoughts.

"She’s been hurting for a while." He says quietly, and I fall silent.

"I wish I could help..."

"Just give her space for now."