Help! Five Beast Alphas Want To Breed Me!!(BL)-Chapter 315: Anything At All

Song For This Chapter: Butterflies by Tom Odell and AURORA

Avaren;

Pain is an entity.

Most people don’t know that.

Pain is... a force. A cruel, gruesome force which seeks to destroy all that is in its path.

A little dose of it is fine... but once it becomes as much as Calisi and I carry... then it becomes dangerous... poisonous.

We have lived with this poison eating away at our very souls for years now, but at least we learned to control it. How to cage it.

...That’s why when Calisí’s pain suddenly reaches for me out of the blue, fear blooms in response.

I shoot to my feet, and the glass in my hand falls to the ground, shattering on impact.

"Master!" The maid beside me calls in shock, but my mind is too frozen to pay her any mind.

I feel it even though she’s not near me. Sorrow...

My heart starts racing brutally as I feel Calisi’s magic flicker.

What’s wrong with her? What’s going on??

This is... this is not just pain... It’s misery.

Calisi’s sorrow has always been there.

It is a constant ache that I always feel in her aura... something old and festering. Something she learned to live with long before I got the chance to save her.

I have known her rage... her cruelty, her anger.

I witnessed the way she sharpened herself into something lethal, so she wouldn’t have to feel how much she is bleeding.

For most of our lives, we have learned to bury our pain, so why... Why is my light breaking? Why is she hurting?

"My Lord, is something the matter?" Another maid questions, but I can’t pay attention to them.

I can feel Calisi calling out to me. Her heart is screaming for me.

This is not anger standing guard over pain.

This is pain with nothing left to hide behind.

With my arms trembling and heart beating in my throat, I step forward while silently muttering a spell.

My mana forms a blade, and without pausing to think, I rip through the void. I ignore the way distance screams in protest as heaven knows I would break every law in every book for Calisí. 𝑓𝑟ℯ𝘦𝓌𝘦𝘣𝑛𝑜𝓋𝑒𝓁.𝑐ℴ𝓂

I have broken laws for less.

I stand still in the void as I feel. I wait for my mana to find her.

Her magic claws at the void between us, raw and desperate... Searching for me.

She is drowning.

And for the first time since I have known her, she is not fighting the water.

This causes fear to coil tighter in my chest.

I follow the sound of her soul’s cries, and finally, I find her.

Weeping in a secluded clearing in one of Nagari’s forests.

"Calisí..." I breathe as I sense her crumpled into herself on the floor.

She feels so small. So broken. So... weak.

She looks up at me, and her fake identity fades away, leaving behind only the real her.

The forest greets me with damp earth and the metallic tang of uncontrolled power.

Leaves tremble violently, I sense the sky darkens, and the air crackles as Calisí’s magic lashes outward in violent arcs—wild and unrestrained.

Panic shoots through my every vein at the state she’s in. If I do not do something, she will be exposed.

I cast a ward around the area immediately.

The protective shell blooms outward, swallowing sound, bending light, and severing us from the rest of Nagari. No one will see this. No one will hear this. No one will touch her.

The moment the barrier seals, her magic explodes.

As if she had been waiting for the safety to completely fall apart.

She reaches for me with her small hands, and my heart clenches in my chest.

Her mana cracks like thunder as raw power tears through the space between us.

One of the arcs slams into my shoulder, another into my ribs, and one slices past my thigh.

Pain follows hot and sharp, but I barely acknowledge it. What is more important is Calisí.

"Calisí," I call, trying to keep my voice steady despite the chaos, but I fail.

I hear her wail again, and another surge of her mana hits me, slicing my cheek.

Blood spills against my skin, and I swallow.

She sobs further, unable to control her magic, and the sound of her crying rips something open in me.

She is not crying like someone angry.

She is crying like someone who has reached the end of herself.

I rush forward, guided by her mana signature... by the way her sorrow pulls at me like gravity.

My foot catches on a root. I stumble, regain my balance, but keep going.

Soon, I find her, and just touching her breaks me.

She is shaking violently. Calisí never trembles.

Yet now...

Her power rips through the air in jagged bursts, uncontrolled, feral.

I drop to my knees and pull her into me without thinking.

Not minding how her magic is blaring. Not minding how it burns, I wrap my arms around her, pressing her head against my chest.

She fights against my hold. Instinctive, panicked, not wanting to hurt me, but I don’t let go. I can’t.

"I’ve got you," I whisper, holding her tighter.

"I’m here. Your Avaren is here, Calisí." I breathe against her hair, and another bolt of magic tears through my side.

I hiss, but I do not loosen my grip on her.

Then she crumbles.

A sound rips from her throat that does not sound natural.

It is grief stripped bare, a wail so deep it vibrates through my bones. Her fists clutch at my robes, nails biting into my skin as if I am life she needs.

"I can’t—" she chokes.

"I can’t do this anymore." She cries, and I hold my breath.

Her words tumble out between sobs, broken and gasping.

"I don’t know what I’m doing," she wails.

"Nothing—nothing makes it better. Nothing hurts less. I thought— I thought if I just— if I just killed the boy, if I just followed through, the pain would go away, but I can’t— I don’t have the courage—" she crumbles, and my heart tightens dangerously.

I cradle her head, one hand cupping the back of her skull, pressing her gently against me.

"What happened?" I ask softly, while fighting my tears. I hate seeing her like this.

"Tell me. I’m listening." I push as I rock her gently, trying to ground her.

She shakes her head violently as she presses herself further into me.

"He’s too good," she sobs.

"He’s too kind. I can’t hurt him. I don’t want to hurt him. He’s innocent, Avaren. He’s— he doesn’t deserve this." She sobs.

Her anguish crashes over me, and I take a deep breath.

Somehow, I felt this coming...

She sobs harder, as she buries her face in my chest like she’s ashamed of this change.

"I wanted revenge," she wails.

"I needed it. I needed it just to breathe. It was the only thing that made the fire stop eating me alive. The only reason I kept going. The only reason I survived—" She continues, but her voice fractures completely.

"I just want them to hurt like I did." She sniffles as her body curls into itself while she shakes violently.

"I want King Wilhelm to feel it. I want his bloodline to feel it. I need someone to pay for what they took from us."

Her tears hurt in ways no spell or spear could ever hurt. I gave up my sight for her.

People think it was madness. A desperate bargain. A foolish act of devotion.

Maybe they are right, but I did it because I could not bear the mere thought of her being in pain any longer.

I wanted her alive. I wanted her breathing. I wanted her to have a future that did not end with her tearing herself apart from the inside.

When revenge seemed the thing keeping her hanging on, I walked that path with her.

If peace was what she wanted instead, I would have bled for that too.

I do not care what shape her healing takes.

I just want her whole. I need her whole.

She’s all I have. All I live for. I just want her to live... to truly live... no matter what it takes.

She sobs harder, with her magic still crackling wildly. It still burns, but I do not move.

"I can’t do it," she gasps.

"I can’t hurt him. Let’s leave him out of this. I don’t... I don’t want him hurt." She shudders from crying too hard, and I nod in silence.

I press my forehead against her hair and take a deep breath.

"Alright, my love," I say immediately.

"We won’t. We’ll leave him out of it." I reply, and she stiffens, as if afraid I am lying.

"I swear," I say softly.

"We won’t hurt him. Not for any reason." I promise, with that, her magic steadies slightly.

"We’ll focus on our other plan," I continue gently. "We’ll find another way. You are not in this alone. You’ve never been." I whisper, and she nods weakly against my chest.

Her sobs soften into exhausted, broken gasps, and I know she needs rest.

Carefully, I shift my grip and lift her. She weighs almost nothing in my arms.

I cradle her against my chest, one arm under her knees, the other around her back. She clings to my robes like a child seeking shelter, and I press a kiss to her hair.

"Let’s go home for a while. I’ll bring you back when you’re better. Okay?" I question, and she nods softly.

As I turn around, ready to open another portal to take us home, her magic finally fades into a weak, trembling glow.

I rock her gently, back and forth, ignoring the pain screaming through my body.

She’s my life. My faith...

And for her, I will endure anything.

Anything at all.