Help! Five Beast Alphas Want To Breed Me!!(BL)-Chapter 183: Not Ready

Zephan;

I stop my search when I finally find Rhydian in the courtyard.

He’s sitting on the edge of a fountain with his elbows resting on his knees, and eyes fixed on the reflection of the bright sky in the fountain’s water.

The sunlight catches this silver hair, and despite how brightly his hair is glowing under the sun, there’s no light in his face.

I walk over to him silently; however, the sound of my sandals crunching debris beneath me pulls him out of whatever storm of thought he was drowning in.

"You look like a man trying to count his mistakes," I note as he looks up at me, and he gives me a tight smile as he adjusts for me to sit by him.

"Feels like I’ve made enough of them to lose count." He replies, and I smile back at him as he looks away.

"Good. Then maybe you’ll have room for one more..." I add, and he looks back at me with creased brows as I sit beside him.

"Huh?" He replies, and I grin.

"You’re about to hear a catchy little tale. About Bram showing up at my bathhouse this morning." I add, and his jaw drops.

"No." He states in disbelief, and I scoff.

"I wish I were making this up," I reply, and he blinks at me as I cross my arms against my chest.

"Apparently, he ’lost his way.’ Walked right in, all wide-eyed innocence and soap-slicked lies. Tried to talk. Tried to flirt. Tried to pretend he didn’t know I was there..." I begin, and Rhydian groans as he drags a hand down his face.

"He did all that??" He questions, and I nod in silence as I stare at his tired grey eyes.

"I swear, that boy..." He begins, but I didn’t let him finish.

"He reeks of manipulation," I cut in with my tone low, and he stares at me in silence.

"Everything about him is just so unnervingly false. The way he moves, the way he looks at people like he’s studying them for advantage... I don’t know how you ever fell for that." I add, and Rhydian winces like my words were salt to injury, but he doesn’t argue.

He just nods slowly as he turns away from me with shame pressing down on his shoulders.

"I... I was blind, Zephan. I thought he was in pain," He whispers after a pause.

Continues, but stops like the mere thought of Elian rips him right up from within. He swallows hard and buries his face in his palms.

I study him for a long moment. Rhydian rarely shows guilt. He’s usually all pride and posture... but now, he looks smaller somehow. Honest. Broken... full of regret.

"Elián didn’t deserve how you treated him," I note quietly, and he doesn’t move or object.

"You should have trusted him. You should have trusted your own people more than some smooth-talking stranger." I add, and he sighs in exasperation as he takes his hands away from his face and throws his head back.

"I know," Rhydian replies with a rough voice.

"And I’ll never forgive myself for it. Every time I think about him, all I can see is how much I hurt him. And the worst part... every time I picture him, all I see is him looking at me like he hopes I’ll do better." He adds, and I shrug. 𝘧𝘳𝘦ℯ𝓌𝘦𝒷𝘯𝑜𝑣𝘦𝓁.𝒸𝘰𝓂

"Maybe because you need to do better," I say simply, and he lifts his gaze to mine.

He stares at me in silence, searching for something... absolution, maybe. But I’m not in the habit of giving that away.

This guilt is something he needs to learn from. He should feel it eating away at him from within. It should let him know how badly he’s fucked up. When he fixes things, he’d get the absolution he’s looking for, but he won’t get it from me.

I won’t give him sweet words or canoodle him. No. He’s a man. He needs to learn that life works in ripples. Every action has both direct and indirect consequences, and he should be ready and able to shoulder the consequences of his actions.

"I’m going to help you take Bram down," I speak, and he blinks.

"But that’s all I’m going to do. I’m not going to tell you lies like you didn’t mess things up, and neither am I going to cut down on my words to make you feel better. You. Fucked. Up, Rhydian. And you’re going to have to work fucking hard to earn back Elian’s trust." I add, and he swallows.

"And from the little I know about that boy... he won’t make it easy for you. Not after everything you’ve done to him." I continue, and he sighs.

"I don’t expect him to," he replies softly...

"I just... I just hope he doesn’t hate me, now." He replies, and I smile tightly.

"I can’t assure you of that. But if you want forgiveness, you’ll have to fight for it." I reply as I place a hand on his shoulder, and he gives a slow nod.

"That’s what I intend to do. Fight to fix my wrongs," he says, and I grin.

"You know, as much as I don’t really like you... You’re not so bad." I reply, and he chuckles.

"You just had to clarify that you don’t like me, didn’t you?" He laughs, and I laugh too.

"Of course. I couldn’t have you misunderstanding this whole camaraderie." I joke, and he grins.

"Thank you, Zephan. " He replies, and I smile at my older brother.

"You’re welcome, dummy," I reply with a small punch at his arm, and he laughs.

"We’re taking off on our trip to Gravemaw tonight. I’m not sure I’m ready to face Elian." He replies, his tone suddenly serious, and I look away from him at the grass.

I instantly remember that the last encounter I had with the boy was me losing control because of his pheromones and almost forcing myself on him.

When you think about it, we’ve both wronged the boy.

"I don’t think he’s ready to see us either," I reply solemnly, and silence falls upon us.