Earning the Love of a Princess-Chapter 83: Undeserved

Camilla moved along the shadowy corridors quietly, doing her best not to limp even though she could feel cuts on the soles of her feet from having run through the forest barefoot. Fortunately, it was late in the day and most courtiers were in their chambers preparing for dinner. The servants hadn’t yet lit the torches throughout the castle for evening.

She was able to slip unnoticed through the almost empty corridors of the south wing.

She quietly opened the door to her apartments and stepped inside. Looking around, she was relieved to see her presence chamber was empty. Her ladies were likely in their own room getting dressed for the evening.

Camilla rushed into her bedchamber and shut the heavy door firmly behind her. The emotions she’d been pushing down threatened to overwhelm her. 𝗳𝗿𝐞𝕖𝘄𝗲𝕓𝗻𝚘𝚟𝕖𝐥.𝚌𝕠𝕞

With her back pressed to the door, she felt her legs slowly give way until she had crumpled to the richly carpeted floor. She started trembling violently but her eyes stayed dry, as if she were in too much shock to shed any more tears.

How did this all happen? What am I going to do now?

Camilla sat on the floor, arms wrapped around herself and unable to stop shaking.

Her back ached from being forced onto the forest floor. The flesh between her legs stung and the back of her head throbbed.

She knew she could’ve endured all this and more, but what hurt the most was the overwhelming sense of shame cutting through her. She remembered the terrible things Richard had accused her of and the names he’d called her.

Tease. Whore. Worthless nobody.

Did I bring all this upon myself?

Camilla knew she’d never intended to lead anyone on, especially not a man like Richard. But is that what she’d been doing all this time, without realising? Did everyone else at court agree with him and think she was some kind of sinful temptress?

She buried her face in her hands in despair as the tears slowly started trickling out.

What have I done?

A knock on the door startled her.

"My lady!" she heard Meg’s cheerful voice from the other side. "Do you need our help getting ready for dinner?"

Camilla froze, still pressed against the door. She couldn’t bear to face anyone, and she definitely couldn’t risk seeing Richard at dinner in front of the court.

She just needed to be alone.

"I’m not feeling well, Meg." she called out. "Please just go to dinner without me."

"I’m sorry to hear that. Should I seek a physician for you, my lady?" Meg’s voice sounded concerned.

"No need!" With effort, Camilla managed to keep her voice steady. "I will just take my bath and go to bed early. Please ask the maids to bring in the bathtub."

She breathed a sigh of relief when she heard Meg’s retreating footsteps. A few minutes later, the maids rapped on the door. Camilla dragged herself to a standing position and quickly wiped her face dry before they entered.

The maids seemed to take forever as they dragged the large wooden tub lined with linen sheets into the bedchamber, along with soap, a large ewer of hot water and towels. Camilla watched them setting everything up from across the room, biting her lip to stop herself screaming from impatience.

Two of the maids then approached her with the intention of helping her undress. She almost screamed without thinking.

Camilla had been attended in the bath by maids and servants all her life. But now, she tried to stifle a shriek of fear at the thought of having other people’s hands on her again. She started backing away in fear.

The maids looked at her in shock. "Are you alright, Your Grace?"

"Yes I’m fine." Camilla took a shuddering breath and tried to smile as if her orders were nothing unusual. "I’d just prefer to bathe alone tonight."

The three maids stared at her wide eyed. For a royal lady to bathe unattended was unheard of. "Alone? But my lady-"

"Yes, alone! Please leave now." begged Camilla, stomping down the temptation to start crying again.

After the maids reluctantly left the room, Camilla quickly locked the door behind them. Her back ached as she reached behind her to pull her gown laces loose.

She tugged off her gown and chemise with such force that she heard fabric tearing but she didn’t care. She’d rather burn both garments than ever wear them again.

Stepping into the already steaming bath, she poured all the hot water from the ewer into the tub until the water around her was nearly scalding. Her skin quickly turned pink and the heat made the scrapes on her back sting.

She ignored the pain. Instead, Camilla grabbed a soap bar and started scrubbing herself as hard as she could. The sweet herbal scent filled the steamy air.

But it wasn’t enough.

No matter how hard she scrubbed, she wasn’t clean. Not clean at all.

She couldn’t get rid of the feeling of filth on her skin. She couldn’t wash away the disgusting feeling of Richard’s hands on her body and of his fingers pushing roughly inside her.

Camilla started sobbing, painful heaving sobs that took her breath away. She wrapped her arms around her knees. One knee was already bruising dark from when she’d tripped in the forest and tumbled.

What am I going to do now? Who can I turn to?

Camilla ran through the possibilities for help in her mind, quickly discarding them all.

Her ladies-in-waiting would sympathise and provide comfort but wouldn’t be able to do more. Richard might even use his influence to threaten them or their families if he found out she’d told any of them. Bess was her only married lady and if she were to ask her husband for help, word might reach Prince Rufus, who was Lord Archibald’s friend.

She would rather die than ask the queen or any of the other royal ladies for help. And William...

He won’t believe you, a voice inside her said, clear as a bell. It would be your word against Richard’s. Why would he believe you over his oldest friend? Especially when William himself has accused you of leading him on in the past.

What had been his vulgar words - something about how she’d been leading him on for months by his cock?

That’s what he thought of her.

So why would William or anyone believe an enemy foreigner over the son of one of Islia’s noblest families?

Maybe the prince would even think she got what she deserved.

No, William definitely couldn’t help her.

Camilla sat like a statue in the bath until the water started to turn cool. Her eyes were almost swollen shut from crying and her head continued to pound. No one could ever know what happened, she swore.

No one can help me. So I’ll only rely on myself.