Earning the Love of a Princess-Chapter 311: Violet: The Very Best Wife

"I didn’t have to!" she shouted back. "You were being so obvious with that silly slut, the whole court knows exactly what you did without me having to say a word!" She dropped her voice slightly. "If you were really that ashamed of your own actions, you’d stop. But we both know you’re not going to do that, are you?"

"I don’t have to stand here and endure your insults!"

"And I don’t have to put up with being publicly humiliated by my own husband when I’m nurturing his child and I’m not supposed to suffer upsets!" Violet refused to back down an inch. "But here we both are!"

Leo just stood there clenching and unclenching his fists, half dressed and breathing heavily. He had no response and they both knew it.

"If you’re not going to change your ways, then you must accept everyone knowing what kind of man you are. I know the kind of husband I married. And your precious mama knows what kind of son she raised. Though she certainly can turn a blind eye when she wants to." Violet muttered the last sentence.

Leo heaved himself onto the edge of their bed and pulled his boots off, tossing them across the room. He threw her a resentful look over his shoulder.

"I didn’t expect marriage to be like this." he complained.

"Really? Then how did you expect marriage to be? Going around doing as you pleased with no consequences to face?"

"Well, I definitely didn’t expect you to turn into such a goddamn shrew. You weren’t like this to begin with..."

Of course she hadn’t been. The Violet who had intrigued him last summer with her witty, alluring quips and open admiration was long gone.

To be honest, that girl had never really existed.

She’d been a mere invention to catch his eye. Was the buffoon too slow to realise that had all simply been an act? Or maybe he was too arrogant to believe any woman would have to fake being interested in him.

Out loud, Violet replied, "You have no cause for complaint. I’m the very best wife a man like you can hope for."

Leo’s mouth dropped open and he gave a disbelieving laugh, which outraged her.

"I’m serious, Leo. So you can stop trying to act shocked and hard done by! I’m remarkably fertile." She clapped the hard curve of her belly to drive home her point. "And I don’t even care about your infidelities! All I ask is that you stop rubbing them in everyone’s faces to spare me the embarrassment. Do you really think you’re going to find a wife who lets you get away with more than that?"

Still red in the face, Leo sighed, "I suppose not."

It wasn’t strictly true what she’d said about not caring if Leo was unfaithful. His infidelities did hurt her. It hurt her pride that he didn’t even try to hide the fact that she wasn’t enough for him. There was no point telling him that, though. She didn’t want to be vulnerable in front of her husband.

"So then, stop complaining and blaming me when others notice your poor behaviour! I have nothing to do with it! I didn’t even want to attend the banquet!" Violet reminded him. "I wanted to stay here and rest but you insisted I couldn’t. If you’d just let me have my way tonight, we wouldn’t be having this argument because I would’ve never seen you with that useless little piece of fluff!"

Leo didn’t argue futher. He merely regarded her with a flat expression, as if taking the measure of her. "You have changed though. You were different to begin with, Violet. Less cold." Leo insisted. "Why are you so different now?"

"That girl you’re talking about is dead, Leo. As dead as if she’d been buried alongside her twin sister." Violet said to him in a voice as icy as a winter’s gale. Then she did something that took them both by surprise.

She burst into tears.

She hadn’t meant to, she’d never wanted him to see her weak or fragile.

But the moment she’d thought of Ilse, lying cold and alone in the Thierre’s garden, Violet’s tears broke through from behind her rigidly held armour.

As much as she wanted to remain a haughty, untouchable princess, she couldn’t hide the truth of her grief and guilt.

Leo gaped at her, eyes wide. "What the hell...?"

His reaction made her cry harder. He really wasn’t any comfort at all.

Violet sat on the bed, silk blankets over her legs and exquisitely soft pillows at her back, and sobbed uncontrollably. "She’s gone. We killed her...we did..." She could barely form the words.

"What? Who? We haven’t killed..." Leo’s face turned pale, as if he’d sobered up in an instant. "Are you saying we killed Ilse?" his voice was a mere whisper.

Violet nodded as she tried to wipe her streaming eyes. "It’s our fault."

"B-but they all told me - they said she died, she had red fever..." he stammered, his face contorting with what looked like shock blended with pain.

"Yes, but we broke her heart first...you and I. When she caught the fever...she didn’t even really fight it." she spoke slowly between her shuddering sobs. "Because we...we left her nothing...to try and live for. She felt so betrayed. By those she loved the most."

Leo stared at her and shook his head slightly.

"I’m so sorry, sister." Violet whispered. "I got what I wanted at your expense. And you know what? It wasn’t even worth it. None of it." Her ribs had started to ache from crying so hard. The baby twisted and kicked painfully, as if sensing her distress.

"Oh fuck. Calm down, Violet. Just breathe, please."

"Why? Look at...what I did...what we both did..." Her throat felt like it had a vice around it, turning her voice into a hoarse little thread. "I’ll so ashamed."

She felt a heavy hand patting her shoulder awkwardly, making her look up in surprise.

Leo had moved up the bed and was sitting close to her, his face wracked with guilt.

"You have to calm down. Or you might, I don’t know, make the baby sick?"

She gave a weak little laugh at that, at his clumsy attempt to reassure her.

"You can’t keep blaming yourself like this."

Then who do I blame? You? Violet wanted to ask out loud, but she didn’t.

As much as she wanted to push her guilt onto Leo to relieve her own conscience, she knew it wasn’t fair. He hadn’t seduced her - she had ardently pursued him.

He hadn’t been the one that plotted against his own twin because jealousy was eating him up. Like any foolish man, he’d simply enjoyed what had been offered to him.

"She doesn’t even visit me in my dreams anymore." Violet’s words cracked with sorrow. "At first, Ilse would come see me every night. I swore I could feel her presence around me, even during the day. It actually frightened me. Then she suddenly stopped and never came back. And she never told me if she’d forgiven me."

"You asked her to forgive you?" Leo’s voice was tight and hushed.

She nodded.

"So did I." he confessed. "Begged her for it in my prayers. I’m not sure if she heard me but I hope she did."

Violet looked at her handsome young husband, sitting close to her, shoulders slumped and brow creased. The man who would be king now looked like a worried, unsure lad.

Perhaps he was capable of feeling some guilt after all, she thought.

And he was trying to comfort her now, at least. That had to count for something, didn’t it?

After a few more of Leo’s nervous shoulder pats, Violet managed to get her crying under control. Soon, she was quiet again and felt nothing but exhausted to her very soul.

Leo watched her as if expecting her to start sobbing all over again.

"I’ll be alright. I just want to sleep now." She said softly.

"Are you sure?"

Violet nodded tiredly. "Very sure. My back has been hurting all day."

Leo nodded quickly and blew out the remaining candles as Violet shifted her awkward bulk to lay down on her side. He then stretched his long frame out on the bed next to her.

A long, poignant silence passed as the two of them lay side by side, then Leo mumbled quietly in the darkness, "I had no idea you felt that way. Or that you could cry like that."

He didn’t think she was capable of having deep emotions? Did he think he’d married some creature with a heart of ice?

Violet found the thought grimly amusing.

Sweet lord, we’re complete and utter strangers to each other, aren’t we? Is it better to know or not know the person you marry?

"I’m not a stone statue, husband. I promise." Violet eventually sighed. "I’m just a woman with aching joints, who misses her sister terribly. I have to learn to accept my new life and live with what I’ve done. I’m trying but it’s not always easy for me."

"I understand." Leo replied gruffly. "At least, I’ll try to be a bit more understanding from now on."

"Thank you."

The heavy silence continued.