Earning the Love of a Princess-Chapter 110: Flashback: Separating Hurts
15 May, 1349. Arlen Castle, Moraigth.
The passing days gradually grew warmer and longer as spring took hold. The atmosphere in the castle however, remained rather dark and tense. Duke Robert paced the corridors looking anxious and constantly conferring with various clerics. Even the three young princes were subdued instead of their rowdy, boisterous selves.
Camilla wasn’t sure what was going on but she didn’t like this change that had taken over her family and the servants. Everyone spoke in hushed tones and she gradually began suspecting there was something she didn’t know but that everyone else did.
This was yet another example of when she hated being the baby of the family.
She spent time in her mother’s chambers every day, singing and chatting away and helping brush out her mother’s beautiful long hair. It troubled her that her mother was too weak to rise from her bed or the window seat. However, the duchess always seemed to enjoy the company and antics of her little daughter.
Her mother seemed no better from her illness but also no worse. If she wasn’t getting worse, reasoned Camilla’s childish mind, then surely that meant she was getting better? Especially since the clerics and physicians said she’d improve with the warmer weather.
All Camilla wanted was to spend the weeks with her family, in the safe cocoon that was Arlen Castle. She wanted to see her mother recover her strength so that she could do all the things she’d always enjoyed - hunting alongside the duke, planning picnics for the children in the nearby fields, singing in her lovely voice.
She remembered that in past years, she and her brothers had been called to court to spend most of the summer there. But surely that wouldn’t be the case this year? Especially when everyone knew Duchess Isabella was in delicate health - the king and queen wouldn’t be so cruel as to separate children from their ill mother, would they? Besides, reasoned Camilla, her and Malcolm had already spent several weeks away in Islia. They deserved a summer at home.
It wasn’t until a few days later that she understood the true seriousness of the situation. She overheard a whispered conversation between a cleric and a couple of the physicians who regularly visited her mother. She strained hard to hear, knowing it was definitely a conversation one as young as her wasn’t supposed to be aware of.
The whispers between the adults talked about managing the pain and symptoms, and of delaying the inevitable as long as possible with as little suffering as possible. At first, Camilla didn’t really understand what they were trying to say. She tiptoed away, confused.
It was only later that the truth slowly dawned on her. The men had been speaking about her mother.
She would never get better. She was never going to win her battle against her illness. And whether she lasted another week or a month or a year, the duchess’s life would end sooner than it was supposed to.
Camilla cried herself to sleep that night, choking on sobs until her throat felt raw. She couldn’t tell anyone what she knew, not even Malcolm, because she didn’t want to be caught out for eavesdropping. But she couldn’t imagine a life without her mother’s gentle presence as part of it.
That was the time when her nightmares started. Camilla couldn’t even recall what she dreamed about, only that the dark, terrifying images would wake her up in screams that sent her nursemaids barging into her bedchamber in alarm.
During the day, Camilla started spending every spare moment she had in her mother’s company, all but clinging to her. So much so that she caught her parents exchanging worried glances over her head more than once, though neither of them said anything about it to her.
On the second day of June, a messenger from court cantered into the courtyard of Arlen Castle, bearing a message from King Kenneth. The young princes and princess of Arlington were expected at Port Canfirth Palace within two weeks, with the intention for them to remain there under Their Majesties’ care until early September.
Duke Robert’s face went dark with fury. Even her brothers looked like they might weep at the unwanted summon. The duchess wrote to the king herself, humbly beseeching her children be allowed to remain at home this summer due to her health, to no avail. The visit was not negotiable.
The sinking dread in Camilla’s belly grew as the day of departure drew near and her nightmares became worse.
The night before she was due to depart for Port Canfirth with her brothers, Camilla waited until everyone had retired to bed. She then padded in bare feet into her mother’s rooms and crawled into her bed.
"Please don’t make us go, Mama. We miss you and Father when we’re at court." Camilla whispered.
The duchess wrapped her thin arms around the little girl. "I know, my doe. We miss you terribly too. But we must follow the king’s commands." She smoothed Camilla’s hair back. "And it’s a wonderful opportunity the king and queen are providing for you all. Your brothers will train with the knights of the royal army and you’ll be in the company of Moraigth’s noblest ladies."
"But why do Their Majesties even want us there when they don’t like us very much?" Camilla could feel her tears rolling down, despite having promised herself she’d be brave in her mother’s presence. "The king is always shouting at my brothers and the queen never smiles. She calls me a little harlot. What’s a harlot, Mama?"
At that, Camilla heard her mother try and suppress a sob as her arms tightened around her.
"My little darling, don’t listen to her. There will be people in life who will deliberately say cruel things to you, because of who you are. You must never listen to them, do you understand?" Isabella’s voice was thick with tears.
Camilla nodded, though she wasn’t thinking about people in the future. She was wholly focused on tomorrow’s departure. 𝙛𝓻𝒆𝓮𝒘𝙚𝙗𝒏𝙤𝙫𝓮𝒍.𝓬𝒐𝙢
That night, Camilla finally told her mother why she hated being at court so much, all the arrows that were aimed her way by the queen and her noble ladies. "Why do they all hate me, Mama? I don’t even know some of them." She had promised she wouldn’t tell her parents to avoid worrying them. But that night, the words pouring out of her couldn’t be stopped. Her throat nearly closed up from crying so hard, choking off her voice.
The duchess had no reply to any of her words. She just lay there, silent tears rolling down as she tried to comfort her daughter. "My sweet doe. Sometimes in life, there are things we don’t want to do, but we’re forced to do them anyway. Often, those very things are what build up our strength. All we can do is endure and wait for better days to follow. And there are always better days, I promise you."
But will you still be around to see those better days with me, Mama? Camilla wanted to voice the question in her mind but couldn’t quite bring herself to do it.
Instead, she clung to her mother’s neck and forced herself to keep her eyes open. She was determined not to fall asleep, no matter how heavy her eyes felt and how much the duchess urged her to rest. If she slept, it would be morning before she even knew it, and it would be time to leave her mother and her home behind.
Eventually, Camilla couldn’t fight off the drowsiness and slept, curled up against Duchess Isabella’s frail frame. In the blink of an eye, it was dawn. The moment Camilla had been dreading had arrived - today, she and her brothers would be forced to bid her parents goodbye.
Her tears started again and continued until she was finally loaded into a carriage next to Agatha.
Camilla wanted to stop crying, she truly did. She didn’t want everyone seeing her as the tearful baby next to the three elder boys. But she felt like an invisible hand was crushing her heart until it hurt to even breathe.
"Be brave for me, little darling. It’ll only be a few weeks until we’ll all be together again." Duke Robert whispered in her ear as she clung to his neck like a barnacle. She was eventually forced to ease her hold and he slowly pulled back, wiping her wet cheeks and smiling to reassure her. Camilla saw though, that his smile didn’t reach his eyes and there was sadness etched on his face.
She felt her heart breaking at not seeing him for months. But what terrified her the most was the thought her mother might not be there at all when the four children returned at the end of summer.
It was the first time in Camilla’s short life where she truly feared what the coming days would bring.
