Captured By The Cold Detective (BL)-Chapter 534: Not Anymore
With Xuanlong taken care of and everyone’s livelihood guaranteed, now there was only one thing left for He Juan to do, albeit it was also the most difficult one. No matter how much he dreaded it, no matter how painful it would be, this was something he must do – as soon as possible.
And thus, after departing from Xuanlong’s headquarters, he set off toward Mu Yuze’s house. The house they had lived together in for a brief period of time, most likely the moments when He Juan had felt the happiest.
He arrived at wee hours in the morning, carrying with him the chill of winter and the ever-present, haunting scent of blood that seemed to cling to him since that fateful night. Droplets of water hung on to his lashes, the tip of his hair, and drenching his clothes.
He had just opened the door and toed off his shoes as quietly as possible when a tentative voice pierced the stillness of the house,
"J–Juan-gege?"
Mu Yuze stood in the living room with his sleep-mussed hair sticking out in all directions. He was wearing one of the oversized black shirts He Juan had bought him, its collar askew, revealing one side of his round and fair shoulder. He looked like he had just scrambled out of bed, his eyes dazed and not quite alert yet, staring blankly at He Juan as though he couldn’t believe his eyes. The sweet scent of lavender and peppermint floated around him, as he had evidently taken off his gland patch before he went to bed.
He looked so soft and cozy like that, so much that a pang of ache struck the corner of He Juan’s numb heart.
His heart, his Alpha, and literally every fiber of his being yearned to rush forward and take the boy into his arms, to bask in his warmth and inhale his sweet scent. But He Juan kept himself rooted in place, because... he couldn’t do it. Not anymore. Once, he used to think that he was capable enough of protecting all that was dear to him, but look at where his arrogance had brought him to.
He had lost too much, and it made him learn that he, He Juan, was just a powerless and helpless man who couldn’t keep anyone by his side. This treacherous path was one he must walk alone, and if he were to be willful, then everyone around him would only suffer.
He Juan had learned. Oh, he had learned this painful lesson in a very hard way.
And that was the reason why he must do this.
He knew that if Luo Xuan and Ku Jin could reach He Xie, it was only a matter of time until they learned about Mu Yuze too, and He Juan would do whatever it took to keep the boy safe.
Even if it meant vanishing from Mu Yuze’s life completely.
Even if it meant he had to push away the only light in his abyss-like world.
"Juan-gege?" Mu Yuze’s sweet scent spiked a little when he realized that he was not dreaming. "You’re here? At..." his eyes shifted to the clock on the wall, "four in the morning? Did something happen?" A sliver of anxiety laced his tone.
He Juan’s fingertips trembled and his breathing grew ragged from the excruciating agony that tore at him from within. This was hard. This was much harder than he’d expected. He had steeled himself to handle this moment with the same ruthless determination he had used to dissolve Xuanlong, cold and unfeeling, just like tearing off a bandaid.
But why... why did it hurt so much? Why couldn’t he get even one word past his lips?
He had thought that he was no longer capable of feeling such pain, especially after he witnessed He Xie dying right before his eyes and endured his own skin being peeled off twice. But oh boy, was he wrong. It was unlike the sharp, searing kind of pain that he was enduring even now, but it was the quiet, relentless one, suffocating him bit by bit until he couldn’t breathe.
"Gege...?" Mu Yuze’s intuition picked up on something amiss as the silence stretched on, and his brows knitted in concern. He cautiously took a step toward He Juan. "What’s wrong?"
He Juan couldn’t help but chuckle fondly despite himself, his voice rough. What a sharp and observant little bunny. He longed to ease Mu Yuze’s worry, to kiss the creases between his brows away, to hold his hand and promise that everything would be fine. But no, he did not deserve it anymore. A sinner like him did not deserve to have someone as pure as Mu Yuze, for he would only ruin and drag the boy down to his personal abyss.
"Why are you up so early?" He Juan asked in a deceptively casual tone.
"I just..." Mu Yuze inspected He Juan from head to toe with a gaze sharp enough to cut through metal. "I heard the front gate opening so I came out to check. Forget about me, what about you? Are you coming back for good?"
He Juan released a soft exhale that was brimming with the emotions he couldn’t speak of. "Xiao Ze..."
"What is it? Why aren’t you coming in?" Mu Yuze took another step, then another, and it was then that the overpowering scent of blood on He Juan’s body blasted him in the face, freezing him on his tracks.
But He Juan acted as if he noticed nothing at all. "Xiao Ze, Xiao Ze, Mu Yuze." He continued to utter Mu Yuze’s name again and again with a voice so deep and gentle, as if he couldn’t get enough, as if... he wanted to use all of his chances before he could say it no more.
He was still standing on the doorway with his silhouette shrouded in the shadows, gazing at Mu Yuze with a faint smile on his lips. Yet at that moment, it was like Mu Yuze could see his silver eyes shimmering with moisture that seemed like tears. Mu Yuze’s heart dropped at the thought, but he quickly dismissed it because how could someone like He Juan be crying?
Still, the uncertainty of not being able to see He Juan gnawed at him, so he extended his hand towards the light switch on the wall, intending to fill the room with brightness and dispel the shadows.
But He Juan caught his wrist before he could do so, his touch so startlingly cold unlike anything Mu Yuze had ever felt before.
"There’s no need to turn on the light," He Juan told him gently, as opposed to his firm grasp that left no room for Mu Yuze to wriggle out. "I will be leaving soon."
"Xiao Ze, I’m here to say goodbye."
