Bought For A Baby, Kept For A Lifetime-Chapter 172: I Know Why

"I do. I know why." He stopped, and for a long time silence filled the air.

"I know why my heart beats like that whenever she’s anywhere around me, I know why I like it whenever she smiles, I know why I always want her to be around me. I know why I have suddenly learned how to feel so many things because of her."

Shawn smiled in satisfaction, looking as if he finally heard something he’d been suspecting for a long time.

So he was right.

Andrew already knew his own feelings but was forcefully suppressing them. Shawn knew damn well how hard keeping your own feelings locked up could be.

He had to hand over a great medal of the century’s most stubborn male in existence to Andrew because how the hell could he live with her under the very same roof and still remain sane while suppressing the rush of emotions that came with all those feelings he had for her.

He heard another low groan.

"She drives me crazy man."

Shawn chuckled thinking; there he was. The real version of Andrew that only ever came out after a round of several bottles. With his high alcohol tolerance, the only way one could break him into the realm of drunkenness was by making him drown bottles after bottles of drinks.

In this state, he was no longer the cold jerk he normally was, in this state he spoke his mind even before the thought fully registered in his head.

Only in this state did Andrew ever share his heartfelt problems with others, only in this state did he ever truly open up.

Gently patting his back, Shawn said, "I know how that feels man."

Andrew shook his head, his face still buried between his arms on the bar table as he muttered, "No you don’t. You have no idea what it feels like to want to hold someone’s hand, just to hold their hands but you know you can’t give yourself that luxury."

Shawn sighed softly, a distant look of reminiscing in his eyes, his voice turned low as he said,

"I absolutely know how that feels man, she could be right there, right there in front of you, and you could want so many things, even as simple as hearing her voice but you can’t have it."

Shawn swallowed a huge lump affixed in his throat.

In his heart, there was a deep pain.

He smiled everyday but his heart was empty, laughed but there was a huge void within him. It felt like he would go crazy any moment but there was nothing he could do about it.

"You feel this way too?" When Shawn came back to his senses, he realized Andrew’s misty eyes were fixed on him staring curiously.

Shawn smiled, but he couldn’t hide the bitterness from his features. He raised his drink and took a sip before beginning to speak,

"I’ve never told you this before but..." He suddenly dug his hand into his pocket, when he brought it out there was a ring in his hand.

The ring looked simple and ordinary, but Shawn looked at it like something absolutely precious.

He dug his left hand into his left pocket and brought out another ring. There were two rings now, both jewels looking similar with the only difference being one having a visibly larger size than the other.

He held both rings up for Andrew to see.

"This, is the ring I put on her finger." He held up the smaller ring.

"And this is the ring I wore on my finger, at the time I told myself I’d never take it off."

Andrew’s hazy eyes trailed from one ring to the other.

"Do you know what it means?" Shawn asked giving Andrew the chance to deduce the mystery.

"You once gave a woman a ring, but she left you. Why wouldn’t she? That thing looks cheap as hell." Andrew replied in a completely dry tone.

"What? Is that what you...?" Shawn was speechless, he wasn’t surprised something like this would be uttered by Andrew.

"You know what? I won’t argue with a drunk guy, you probably won’t remember this tomorrow anyway."

Andrew held a bored look on his face as he looked at both rings which Shawn had kept on the table, he looked with a strange keenness before saying,

"Did a woman truly leave you?"

Shawn chuckled, "I see that isn’t too hard to guess."

"How unfortunate..." Andrew muttered grabbing an entire bottle and tossing it back. "...for her." He completed before further saying, "She must be mourning right now, maybe even regretting it. She didn’t know she had a nice guy until she left."

Shawn’s eyes showed surprise as he glanced at Andrew with disbelief.

"You think I’m a nice guy, why haven’t you said that to me before?"

Andrew sent him a bored side glance before looking away.

"Because you already know it."

After looking thoughtful for a while Shawn shrugged, "Fair enough, if I didn’t know how much you’ve always liked me, I wouldn’t hang around even if you paid me fortunes to be your personal doctor."

A moment of silence reigned between them before Shawn suddenly spoke up,

"She doesn’t regret it though, in fact, I regret giving her a chance to go."

If he’d known his heart would ache this much, he would never have given her a chance to get away from him.

’Go, I’m giving you your freedom.’ He remembered saying these solemn words to her despite the fact that his heart broke, he remembered the file kept on the table between them, that file which already had his signature despite the fact that it killed him.

’Before I change my mind, leave now.’ His eyes had been that of a broken man back then, so red from hours of pain when he’d forced himself to sign those papers he’d given to her.

It was her birthday, he knew deep within him what she’d wanted the most.

It was said that only someone who loved us the most would give us our heart’s greatest desires on our birthdays.

He’d wanted to give her that, but he knew her heart’s desire was something that would ruin him.

And it did, so much so he’d wanted to take it back. He’d wanted to take back the gift of freedom he’d given her.

’If you leave, make sure you go somewhere I never find you again or else I swear I’ll take you back. If I find you, I’ll never let you go again. If you truly want your freedom, then never come in front of me ever again.’

That night he’d watched her sign those papers and she was gone in the blink of an eye.

He so desperately wanted to stop her.

If he pleaded, would she stay?

If he let his tears fall in front of her, let her see how broken he was at the thought of losing her, would she stay?

If he told her just how desperately he knew he couldn’t live without her, would she stay?

But he’d known all those were his feelings and she didn’t share the same, his feelings would be a burden for her and he didn’t want to force her to be with him. Not anymore.

"Do you want her back?" Andrew’s voice suddenly broke the silence in the air.

Shawn heard that question and pondered over it for a moment.

The answer was clear, the answer was carved against his heart in ink.

He wanted her back, but he knew getting her back would mean breaking her, and he absolutely didn’t want to see her shattered and broken all over again.

"There are things we can’t have in life, there are people we can’t keep no matter how much we want it." Saying this, the bitter memories rose inside Shawn heavily pressing down against his chest before he turned to Andrew,

"That is why whatever you feel right now, cherish it, let yourself feel it, and before it’s too late, accept it. Do it the right way, woo her, chase her, court her until she falls for you too before things become too complicated, before things become irreversible because trust me when I say this, you’ll never forgive yourself if you lose her someday."

Andrew seem to be lost in thought.

"Not forgiving yourself means waking up everyday blaming yourself, it means wanting to take back time and change things, it means hating yourself, and it’s not a nice feeling. So look deep into your heart right now and tell me, do you love her?"

Andrew’s expression looked like a man who’d been struck by thunder. As if he’d just realized something he couldn’t believe he would ever think of doing.

His lips parted to speak, an answer to Shawn’s question hanging on his tongue...