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... itter about the way things were and utterly despising myself for it.

Because I knew painfully well that if it were somebody else in my shoes, somebody just a little bit stronger, smarter... somebody just a bit more capable than I, then things would have gone so much better than it had.

Exams, interviews, etc – every failure, regret, expectations never met, I can always expect myself to be thinking those things for at least a good solid hour and a half.

But now, here, stuc ...

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