The best laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men gang aft agley (The best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry.)

-Robert Burns

Looking back, Milo wondered why he had thought that mixing the alphabet, his family, the engineers, and the scavengers into one large expedition into the unknown wouldn't result in chaos. It had seemed like such a good idea at the time. His goal was to find a route through the caverns to the area where he had mined the rare ores that they needed to rebuild Leviathan. Of course they got sidetracked along the way, and the snails were totally uncooperative and unhelpful.

After the explosion of the first snail had got everyone's attention, and two roasted scouts had told their story, Ringtail and Tweedle found themselves staring up at at the heavily armed dwarf whose grenades had been pilfered. But to their complete surprise, rather than be upset with them, Professor Boom was overjoyed. He laughed hysterically as they retold their story. "The cookie gambit! I love that maneuver. Never works for me, though. My cookies taste like crap, never did figure out cooking. Now, throwing a half empty whiskey bottle? That I've gotten good at. Nothing works better for distracting someone when you need to get the first punch in, or beat a hasty retreat. But tell me, how'd the new grenades work? They should have had one hell of a bang with the new powder mixture."

The twins were still burnt, hairless, and covered in burn salve. Their regeneration was in overdrive from a snack of muenster and crackers. But they smiled, and were thrilled to have Boom-Boom happy with them, and not tying them to a post and using them for cannon practice. Overall, that made the large amount of pain they were in worth it.

"Very well, I'd say. The snail would say the same. Perhaps too well? But we blame the snail. That one was part-burney. A light red in color."

"Maybe even a mauve, wouldn't you say, brother? So confusing. The guide book did not mention mauve snails."

"I'm sure Tallsqueak wrote a fine guide. The fault lies with the snails. They are cheating."

"We must get better at using the field guide to determine how burney each snail is before giving them heartburn. Notes must be taken, and explosions measured."

"Yes, this is the science thing Tallsqueak tried to teach us."

"But this will be dangerous, even for highly skilled and overly-brave master scouts. I foresee trouble."

"That is easy brother, when is their not trouble?"

"If only someone had long-range, explosive attacks and a good eye for hitting the toothy-maw. That would help."

Boom-Boom smiled and unlimbered his bazooka, clearing his throat.

Ringtail seemed not to notice. "We must find a Fire Mage to help us with the burney snails. They are amazing, flinging flames from their staves. I'm sure that's what we need."

Tweedle grinned at his brother, "You are wise! Let us travel back to the Hollow and find a few junior wizards. Perhaps from Clan Puffyfur? They are very brave and have become quite aggressive."

"But that will take days! Is there no one available who is closer?"

"I have stirred what little brains I have, and none come to mind."

"Dam-nasted Idiots! You don't need some worthless wizard when you have high-explosive experts right in front of you. Show me the damned snails and bring your cookies, I'll show you how to put a shot straight down their throat and tickled their tonsils." Boom-Boom began walking to the Tunnel, but when Narwal saw him leaving, she ran to catch up.

"Damn you, husband, we're a team now. If you're off to do something stupid and get killed I want to be there!"

He turned and grinned at her. "I expected nothing less." Arm and arm they walked to the tunnel leading to snail territory while the twins limped along behind, chewing on recuperative jelly beans.

Meanwhile, Milo was being distracted by the the back and forth conversations between Nina, Zander, and Cazact, discussing memory systems and mind training. Cazact was an addict that needed information, but too much wasn't good for him. After only a few moments he would turn suddenly to Milo and resume the rapid fire questions and answers session about routes through the caves. Milo ended up showing Cazact all the original pieces from the reward chest. Before he could examine them, Nina stepped in, and forced him to remember the lessons on storing memories that all the alphabet used.

Cazact's reaction was two-fold. He desperately wanted to dive into the knew information, but also knew that he had to learn better memory techniques. So much new information was flowing around him that he was becoming drunk on the experience. Nina forcefully sat him down, and made him work through each item, storing the memories differently. After each item, a break was taken, and he'd turn to Milo, talking of the large trade routes he'd used, and the Deep Roads that led to Blothmazdan.

"No one knows who builds them. It is said that the Wheel of Eight paid a high price to some unknown entity to construct the roads and rebuild them after earthquakes. A route might be blocked for a year, and then a new route opens up, going through new, unknown caves. You never know quite what to expect on each journey. And while the roads are cleared of obstructions, they are never safe. Predators use the roads as hunting grounds. No one travels them alone, and even small caravans have disappeared."

"And they connect to all the ancient cities?"

"Connect? Yes. The roads go near them, and one can make their way to each. But entrance is another thing entirely. Some of the cities are hostile to the living, such as the Necropolis. Or air breathers, and I don't recommend going there without frog repellant and that horrible salve the trolls use on their rocky skin. It will make you taste bad. And no one goes to N'fargleville, despite all the invitations that Melvin, the All-Seeing-Sage-of-Many-Eyes sends out. The corruption from beyond runs deeply there. Some might enter, but no one leaves. Gadobhra was sealed for ages, and the route only recently became clear again. Undead have been seen traveling there from the Necropolis, and Valgurius the Lich brags to anyone who will listen about his treaties with the new Baron."

This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

He drew a rough circle and pointed to different parts of it. "He-Who-Rules-In-Solitude never leaves his tower in Shadowport. Nice enough for a crazy old elf. The lock upon his door was fascinating. I couldn't look away and became trapped, desperately trying to solve the always changing puzzle. It took a week to get inside. He was so surprised to have a visitor. We had tea and talked for little while, after he almost killed me. He can still be polite, but he is secretive in the extreme, certain that his enemies are still looking for him. And they might be. Elves live long, and the War of Five Queens left many unresolved grudges. He contracted me to bring him a package of herbs and tea once a year, and he pays in handfuls of gems, as if they were common stones. Far to the South is the city in the Jungle. There is a high turn over in rulers and they always rename it after themselves. It is annoying to memorize each time. The last time I delivered to the priests they referred to it as Vernon Town. At least that one is short and easy to remember. Some of the cities, I do not recommend going to. You would not survive long."

Milo was curious, of course. "Why not?"

"Well, one is underwater and they are extremely paranoid. I trade goods with a traveling sea slug named Kalvurn who acts as my agent. I do not wish to be fed to their patrolling sharks. And the greatest of all the cities lies in the Desolation of Typhon. No one goes there. No one. It is an island of monsters, sand, and ancient ruins. It is said that when Typhon dueled Zeus on the behalf of mortals, Zeus imprisoned him in Tartarus to act as a jailer there for the creatures too dangerous to roam the world. Without Typhon, his kingdom fell to ruin where monsters stalk each other and even gods fear to tread. The only information I could find was from a Nature Sage named Darwin who lived there for several weeks, studying the creatures from a hiding spot in a small cave. He was insane, of course, and his ramblings hard to read. He complained that the ground constantly shook as the creatures fought, making it hard to write. He sent a few chapters of his notes to one of his colleagues, using expensive messenger orbs, but nothing was heard after the fourth chapter. It is easy to surmise his doom."

Cazact noticed Milo was thinking hard. "If you are thinking of going there, please tell me in advance, so I can buy you some messenger orbs."

"I can't deny it sounds intriguing, but I have other things to do. I was wondering what would happen if Zeus was not around anymore."

Cazact went very still, "If you are planning to become a god slayer, I should be going. That never turns out well."

"I'm not."

"Excellent. You are a good source of information. I do not want you to die until I know everything you know."

Nina walked over to them, "Times up, I can see the stress on you already. Don't worry, Milo does that to everyone. Let's have a long talk about forging memory links between storage pyramids, and the recall systems that use them."

Cazact wandered off. Milo began thinking of the Deep Roads and the Wheel of Eight. Several minutes later, he noticed the quiet and looked up. There were people who were suspicious by their absence. Onyx and Algernon where playing a game of 5th dimensional chess nearby, both keeping the boards in their heads and calling out their moves. Onyx looked up as Milo watched over. Algernon stayed deep in thought, then said, "Game. I don't see a way out. You'll have me in checkmate in only 87 moves."

Onyx grinned, "87? I have you in 63. But I'm delighted that you haven't guessed part of my strategy. What can I help you with, Brother Milo. Fancy a game?"

Milo gestured to where Butch, Brad, Min, Yumi, and Belinda had been eating lunch and talking. "I notice missing people."

Onyx shook his head, "Not missing, they have just translocated to a different spot via feet movement. Butch said something about looking for some adventure, and, I quote 'Putting a smack-down on a Big Daddy snail.' A very colorful idiom."

Milo started toward the tunnel, but Algernon called out, "Belinda also mentioned that you had things to do here, and that running after them would make her change targets from snails to a certain person who I infer to be you. Frankly, I'd worry about the snails, and not that girl."

Milo sighed, he was missing out of fun stuff.

Onyx consoled him, "Don't worry. You get the unparalleled opportunity to be a responsible caravan chief and finish those maps. We have two crews out stirring up trouble for you to fix."

The sounds of distant explosions and the scream of a large snail echoed from the passageway.

Algernon added, "You just have to look on the bright side. What could possibly go wrong?"