To Byul (Omegaverse)-Chapter 30: That guilt... I don’t want to see it

"I'm tired so I'll go to bed first." Chin-hwa said after they had settled Yun-tae into one of the guest rooms.

The room he was headed for was the one he usually stayed in when he came over to visit or sleepover. Though, he'd always end up sleeping with Kang-woo in the same bed, be it his room or Kang-woo's room.

He was about to reach his door when all of a sudden, Kang-woo caught his hand.

Chin-hwa almost gasped but left his lips tightly sealed and turned his head around.

"What... What is it?" He asked.

Kang-woo had a rather silent expression on his face, but slowly, his lips curled up, and he smiled.

"I wanted to talk to you a bit longer." He said, slowly but gently tightening his grip. "Would you... let me?"

A little silence came in-between them and Chin-hwa said,

"I don't think there's anything we have to talk about." But Kang-woo pressed his lips together, still hopeful. "I mean, your intentions were clear when you came back without telling me why you went away in the first place. If you wanted to talk about what happened all over the years then I'm sure you'd have said something when I woke up in your house. Or..." He paused and tilted his head. "Is there something else you wanted to talk about?"

Kang-woo went silent, staring into Chin-hwa's eyes. He stepped closer and then raised his hand to stroke Chin-hwa's hair.

And then, with a soft mutter, he said,

"I must've been delusional."

Chin-hwa's eyes widened and they trembled. What was that supposed to mean?

Kang-woo still smiled, but his smile had begun to fall slowly, being replaced by a sad gaze.

"I thought I could just brush things aside and be happy with you again, by your side, but I guess it's not that easy."

Yeah, they had talked and acted like everything was okay after Chin-hwa had woken up but the more time Chin-hwa spent with him, the more he realized that part of him was suffering because of Kang-woo.

And because of that... He just couldn't bear to smile like nothing was wrong.

At this point, there were two ways to free his suffering. One was if they told him what it was that made Kang-woo leave. And the other was for him to just let go.

Neither of them seemed to be an easy task so he would just go for the one that seemed possible.

"You're right, it's not that easy." Chin-hwa said and actually dropped his head on Kang-woo's hand, as if feeling up his touch.

Yet, even when he tried to let go... He desired more than he could handle.

"So, can you do me a favor and pretend?"

"Pretend?" Kang-woo asked, unsure of where Chin-hwa was heading with that.

"Yes, pretend that you never hurt me." Chin-hwa said and Kang-woo's eyes widened.

Chin-hwa lowered his gaze as he said, "Pretend that you never left my side. That way, you won't ask questions of my past without you and you won't look at me like that."

He raised his gaze sharply at Kang-woo to show his determination.

"That guilt..." He added. "I don't want to see it."

There was no way they could go back to how they were, but if... Just if, Kang-woo decided to act as he had always been, oblivious of his feelings and seeing him as no more than a brother, then maybe things would be easier for him.

Those were his thoughts.

Kang-woo was short of words. He understood that Chin-hwa might've wanted to do this so he wouldn't have to recall the years without him but something kept bothering him.

It felt like that wasn't the only purpose Chin-hwa had. The way he looked at him, the sharp yet soft, convicted gaze, made it hard to see through him.

It made his heart ache and he was soft for him.

This 𝓬ontent is taken from freeweɓnovel.cѳm.

So, he wanted them to pretend nothing happened, was that it?

"Ah," he softly exclaimed and drew closer, stretching his arms out to engulf Chin-hwa in an embrace.

Chin-hwa was stunned. He did not see that coming. What warranted a hug all of a sudden?

"You want us to be close again, I get it." He said. "I also want to be by your side. So, I'll do my best." He broke the hug and looked at Chin-hwa with a happy expression on his face. "Let's be together forever."

Chin-hwa was silent. His eyes lightly trembled while staring at the happy and radiant expression on Kang-woo's face.

He blinked and lowered his eyes.

Ah, even at a time like that, he couldn't help but feel mesmerized.

"Don't say childish things, okay?" Chin-hwa said, gently pushing his hand down. "You and I can't be together forever. Those are words we said to each other when we were kids, remember? So, now, you have to think like a rational adult."

Chin-hwa made his point plain that there was no way for two adults who were simply friends to be together forever. It just wasn't done.

The only way that could be possible was if they ended up becoming lovers, and got married.

But Chin-hwa knew point blankly that Kang-woo was never referring to those terms when he said he wanted to be together forever.

And that was what hurt him the most.

"I'm going to bed now. If there's anything else you want to say, let's continue this conversation tomorrow." He turned around. "But if you want to know more about me, you should speak with Yun instead." He placed his hand on the door handle. "I guarantee he will give you far more vivid explanations than I'll ever give."

He opened the door and shut it.

Kang-woo stood there and then pressed his head on the door.

'Hwa,' His thoughts rang. His expression was sad as he thought that nothing would ever work out the way he wanted if things continued like this.

Honestly, he was a little bit happy when Chin-hwa said they should pretend that their separation and hurt never happened, and they should act as they did in the past.

That way, he could care for him like he always did. But along those words, he could feel the clear line drawn by Chin-hwa when he called his wishes to be with him forever childish.

'I really want to be with you forever. Can you... Look at me like that again?' He raised his head from the door. 'Can you look at me with that soft and glowing expression as you would for the person you care about the most?' He lowered his head. 'Even if it's not love?'

To Kang-woo, Chin-hwa saw him as no more than a brother as well. So, everything Chin-hwa did in the past... All the affection and the attention was all done towards a brother that wasn't related by blood.

Kang-woo muttered softly to the door, "I... I'll do anything."

(Thus, there was a misunderstanding. Let's see how that came about for Kang-woo in the next Chapter, shall we?)