The Top Idol Next Door Can't Help But Crave My Guilty Pleasure Meals-Chapter 11Volume 1 .1 - The Place Where Sasaki Yuzuki Belongs Is Here

ROUND 11 – The Place Where Sasaki Yuzuki Belongs Is Here 1

—He is mean.

He always tries to make me eat. Because he prepares delicious food every day, I’ve come to look forward to returning to the apartment.

—He’s meddlesome.

He eagerly wants to take care of me. Despite saying he wouldn’t become a fan, he pretended to be one and tried to protect an idol with a fake confession.

I became aware of my feelings for him the night we ate galette. From there, things moved quickly.

I competed with a school senpai who said she was his childhood friend. He taught me to study at his house. We snacked together after school. Even when we might have been spotted by someone on the way home—I didn’t want to part from him.

My feelings only grew stronger.

The more time I spent with him, the more ‘Sasaki Yuzuki’, the person beneath the ‘Arisu Yuzuki’ mask, began to reveal her true face.

I want to know his heart. I want to get closer to him.

—And then that day in the elevator. I touched his pinky finger on my own initiative.

After parting with him in front of room 810, I found myself wrapping the pinky finger he had touched with my other hand the moment I returned to my room.

I didn’t want to lose any of his warmth.

At the center of Sasaki Yuzuki, he is always there.

Unless I erase him from my heart, I cannot be Arisu Yuzuki.

That’s why I made a mistake during the live performance. Because I brought Sasaki Yuzuki onto the stage.

Fans support me, the perfect idol.

The imperfect me is not ‘me’. In order not to repeat the same mistake, this time for sure, I must erase Sasaki Yuzuki.

I allowed my heart to be taken advantage of, swung around, touched his fingertips, and then unilaterally distanced myself from him.

I hate myself for being so selfish.

I hate Sasaki Yuzuki.

★★★

“I’m sorry, can we do it one more time?”

The staff’s face says ‘not again’, and the fatigue on the members’ faces only grows deeper.

Tomorrow is the annual fan meeting day for 【Spotlights】.

Compared to a normal live performance, there’s less to remember, and the songs to showcase are all classics.

Yet, no matter how many times we rehearsed, it just didn’t feel right.

The songs and choreography are perfectly memorized, and all the points of improvement from last time have been addressed.

But something is missing.

This can’t be called perfect.

Live shows and fan meetings involving many companies are planned months in advance behind the scenes.

In other words, we are carrying the efforts of dozens, hundreds of people.

Above all, I didn’t want to disappoint the fans by having them think, ‘They’ve changed since they became famous——’

“Let’s take a break. We’ll resume in ten minutes!”

Someone signals a break, and we’re forced to rest.

Even during the break, I’m checking the choreography in front of the mirror.

Just like the Tokyo performance, many related parties are scheduled to attend this fan meeting as well.

The success of this event is directly connected to the scale of the live shows we will hold in the future.

“Hey Yuzuki, you should take a break.”

The leader calls out to me.

I put on my ‘Arisu Yuzuki during a break’ persona and smiled modestly.

“Thank you. I’ll just check one more time and then take a break.”

“…Alright, just don’t overdo it.”

Hardworking and competitive. That’s the Arisu Yuzuki image in the members’ minds.

‘Just one more time.’ I knew very well that saying this would make the leader back down.

Repeat it twice, three times. Concentrate down to every single finger, every fiber of muscle.

“…Why can’t I get it right…”

It’s supposed to be flawless.

I even went back to my usual diet. My weight dropped, and my condition should be perfect.

I have no idea what’s missing.

In the end, I couldn’t make a single move that I was satisfied with that day.

★★★

Midnight.

I was gasping for breath on the hotel bed—collapsed on my back.

Beside the bed, an unopened bottle of mineral water was lying around.

I couldn’t even swallow water.

After rehearsal ended, I practiced for hours in front of the bathroom mirror.

But the situation hasn’t changed since the daytime.

If I make a mistake again at tomorrow’s fan meeting… If fear shows on my face… If the fans are disillusioned…

Just imagining it a little makes me feel like I’m about to be crushed by anxiety.

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——I wanted to run away

It was the first time I had ever felt this way, not even during my debut event nor when I was chosen as the center.

Now, I am neither Arisu Yuzuki nor Sasaki Yuzuki, just a coward.

Trying to escape from responsibility—from being an idol, from the fans who are looking forward to the event.

Someone, please tell me. What should I do?

Someone, please answer me. Am I disqualified as an idol?

I’ve done everything I could.

Giving up precious days, distancing myself from important people, suppressing my true feelings.

What more should I sacrifice?

Someone please scold me, blame me, guide me.

“Someone——”

——Help me.

Unable to utter such selfish lines, all I could do was curl up in bed.

Ding- dong-

The sudden ringing of the room’s doorbell snapped me back to reality.

“…Yes?”

Who could it be?

It’s almost a new day. I can’t imagine the manager or staff having a reason to come to my room.

I didn’t want to open the door. I didn’t want anyone to see my pitiful face.

Fortunately, this high-end hotel had the latest technology, and each room’s intercom was equipped with a monitor.

I’ll respond through the door and get them to leave quickly.

I am the invincible idol, Arisu Yuzuki.

Reminding myself of that, I put on my tattered mask and peer into the monitor.