THE Knight's Hidden Princess-Chapter 204: Even If They Try

DAHLIA POV

Honestly if I stayed on this ship one more time I was going to get really sick. Do not get me wrong, I was grateful for getting to see the outside world again after being cooped up in that prison for so long but I longed to be back on land. In this place there was no difference than being cooped up, I’m always running into almost everyone. It felt like I had no privacy of my own anymore. Anywhere I turned, there was always someone there. Someone checking on me if I’m okay, someone who wants something, or someone who wants to whine about something on the ship.

It was almost like I couldn’t hear myself think. I needed to be able to hear myself think, I needed my own space and I need people to not look at me like I was losing my mind. Ever since Bjorn came into the room to talk, things have gone a little bit different. Reagan wasn’t bothering to even hide the way he was looking at me anymore, he now stares at me and each night he asks if I’m okay.

Nikolai sits with me during breakfast, lunch and dinner and then tell me a couple of jokes, some had to do with our Ivana and Heather which made me laugh a little but then he would always end it with how they miss me and if I ever think about them. Then go ahead to ask what was the first thing I would do if I see them and that included Ivar.

The questions were too much and they suffocated me. I wished he would shut up and I think I might I’ve yelled at him one time so any plans I might have had shouted at him one time to leave me alone. So my plan to get them to think I was normal actually went down the drain. If I was trying to convince everyone that I was doing okay, I failed miserably.

After my outburst, I stayed in my room and didn’t come out. I had food delivered to me thanks to Reagan but I didn’t eat much. He even also stopped coming to check up on me which wasn’t good. To be honest I don’t really know what I want. I wanted him to leave me alone and now that I was sitting in the silence I do not want that anymore. I want him right here, with me!

Gods, I have never been so shattered in soul and mind!

I heard a knock on the door which immediately startled me. I stood up from the bed and ran towards the door. Thinking it was Reagan, I slammed open the door. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Whoa, kid, if I had known you missed me that much I would have been here sooner."

My face returned to it neutral expression when I saw it was Branderson who was standing outside the door instead of Reagan. "Hey Branderson."

"And now you are disappointed."

"Is it that obvious?" I asked him as I walked back, allowing him space to enter the room.

Branderson shook his head at me, "Okay maybe just a little bit." He said when I leveled him with a look, "Anyway I just came here to..."

"Check up on me, I know." I finished for him.

Branderson arched a brow up in surprise as he stared at me, then snorting softly he went to go seat on an empty barrel. "Well then, how are you and please don’t tell me that you are fine because I am just sick of hearing that answer from every...."

"No, I am not fine." I finally admitted.

My answer shut Branderson up instantly. For a moment all we did was just sit in the silence, no words were needed. The silence was just there, heavy and real. But it felt relieving also, like I didn’t have to carry the weight of it alone anymore.

Branderson heaved out a sigh before he decided to speak again, "Look kid, what you went through was horrible. You shouldn’t have had to go through that, no one has. And even though I have spent ten years there, I can tell you the pain doesn’t get any easier."

A small laugh escaped my lips but it didn’t contain any humor. "You all keep saying you understand but the truth is you don’t!" I said as I turned to look at him, "You say you’ve been with them for ten years but it’s not the same and you know that!"

"Okay, you are right, it is not the same." Branderson said as if he was surrendering, "You are a woman, so it must have been difficult for you!"

A tear rolled down my cheek and I swiped at it with a shake off my head. "It’s not even the pain, I can’t describe it, something is wrong with me." I said turning to look at Branderson who watched me with a helpless look in his eyes, "I can’t help myself Branderson, I’m losing my mind to be honest. I can’t even look at the mirror because I do not like what I see. I can’t stand his touch and yet I crave it, I can’t bear to change in front of him because I’m scared he will finally see me for what I am, broken?"

"Oh kid."

"What if that’s what I am?" I asked my hands flying to grab my hair, "What if the minute I get back home, they see what I am? Instead of the lady of the house they see some mindless thing. Someone who lost her mind, her soul, someone too fragile to be loved and someone that is beyond fixing?"

"You can’t be fixed." Branderson said and I looked up at him, "You can’t be fixed if there is nothing wrong with you my dear child."

"But I’m broken, I’m broken.."

"No, no, you are not broken sweet child." Branderson said as he stood up. Grabbing my face in his hands, he gently cupped my cheeks. "That is what they want you to think, that is what they want you to believe. But you are not broken Dahlia, no one can break you."

Branderson encouraged me with words but I do not know what to believe. I was scared, even though I was free, I still felt caged. Each moment felt like I couldn’t breathe, it was starting to get really difficult for me to breathe right now.

It seemed Branderson could sense it because he grabbed my face tighter. "Breathe with me kid, come on breathe."

I closed my eyes and did as he asked, trying to take deep breaths so as to calm myself down. Branderson drew in deep breaths with me.

"That’s it kid, take in deep breaths." He urged, "And remember it’s all in your head, that’s all it is, it’s all in your head."

"It’s all in my head."

"That’s right kid, it’s all in your head."

I stared up at Branderson who smiled at me. I nodded my head willing myself to believe the words as I said it again, "It’s all in my head."

"That’s right kiddo, you are okay, you are going to be fine." Branderson breathed out with a smile.

Sobbing, I grabbed Branderson and pulled him for a hug. I didn’t care that it was strange but I just need that at the moment and Branderson could sense it too because he hugged me back, stroking my back as I sobbed at what I had lost.

Branderson stayed with me for a long time, doing nothing but offering me comfort. At one point, we sat down on the wooden floor. He stroked my hair and hummed me a tune in his baritone voice which was oddly comforting.

I was dozing off but I remembered he said something about it being the song he used to hum for his daughter when she was little. That made me smile and it was so comforting to be in his arms that I almost slept off and I think I did one time because the next time I was waking up was in someone’s arms.

The person was carrying me, and when I opened my eyes I thought I saw Branderson. "Brandy?" I called softly as I squinted up at the figure.

"No love, it’s just me."

"Reagan."

His face became clearer now and I saw that he was smiling, although they didn’t have any warmth in them and I hated it. I hated that I was the one that put it there on his face. Reagan rarely smiles but when I’m with him, he always smile and just one was enough to light up my day.

Now all I do is just make him sad and I wish I could fix it, I want to fix it. So I start by doing the only thing I could do at the moment. "I’m sorry Reagan." I apologized as he laid me down on the bed, "I’m really sorry so please don’t leave me." I mumbled sleepily.

"Oh baby, there isn’t anything that could take me away from you even if they try!"