The Archduke's Songbird-Chapter 93: Feeling Light

Jessamyn fell into the deep pools of emeralds that reflected a cocktail of emotions.

She was being defensive. If she was not getting defensive, what else could she do? If she was not protecting the little she had left, who else would?

Jessamyn’s mind raced with these thoughts as she was wrapped in his embrace. The weight of her past, the scars and the losses, had taught her to guard herself fiercely. Vulnerability was a luxury she could not afford, and trusting others had only led to more pain.

This man was the worst one among them all. But still... He says he will not hurt me. Is he acknowledging that he hurt me in the past?

She didn’t even struggle to get out of his hold as she relaxed in his embrace.

Jerrick sensed her ease and gently caressed her cheek. "Hear me, Jessamyn... I’m here for you..."

His voice was a soft murmur, a soothing balm to her frayed nerves. The warmth of his touch sent a shiver down her spine, but it was not one of fear or apprehension. Instead, it was the comfort of being cared for, of being seen and understood—the feelings she had long forgotten.

Jessamyn closed her eyes, letting his words wash over her. For a moment, she allowed herself to believe them. A tear drop rolled down from her eyes.

She had a lot of buts and whats and whys she wanted to ask him. But she didn’t want to fight anymore. She wanted to stop struggling and even if he was just a temporary solace, she leaned on his chest. 𝘧𝑟𝑒𝑒𝘸𝘦𝘣𝑛𝑜𝘷𝑒𝓁.𝘤𝘰𝓂

In that moment, the need for answers was eclipsed by a deeper, more urgent desire for peace.

His heartbeat was a steady rhythm against her ear, grounding her, soothing the chaos inside her. She took a deep breath, inhaling his familiar scent, and let the tension drain from her body. The warmth of his arms around her felt like a shield against the world’s harsh realities.

"Just for now," she murmured, more to herself than to him. "I need this."

Jerrick tightened his embrace, as if to reassure her that he understood, that he was there for her, unconditionally. No words were needed. His presence was enough to convey the promise of unwavering support.

What they have transcended any bond humans might have. It was not love; it was not mere affection, and it definitely was not lust. It was more than that.

He suppressed the troubles in his heart. The dread he kept on trying to overcome grew only stronger having her by his side. But he couldn’t let her go. Not now, not ever.

How she handled the veiled woman gave him courage. The veiled woman had been a specter of his past, a symbol of the fears and regrets he had long buried. But Jessamyn, with her steady gaze, confronted the woman with a strength and bravery that left him in awe.

As he held Jessamyn closer, he realized that his fear was not of losing her, but of not being able to protect her from the darkness that shadowed his life. He had long lost control of his life.

Yet, seeing her resilience sparked a newfound determination within him.

"I can’t lose you," he whispered into her hair, his voice barely above a breath. His eyes reddened as he pressed his lips on her hair.

"I never had the chance to tell you this before...Myn-Jessamyn," he said for her to hear, clearing his throat.

He suppressed his urge to call her by the nickname he gave her in the past. Myna—that name was the only solace for him in many situations but if it gave her pain, he was willing to give up calling her that.

Their memories were the fuel that sustained him but for her, they were the weights around her legs, holding her back and hurting her.

It was the fact and he needed to act accordingly. He cannot tell her that he loved her because he didn’t. He can’t even lie to her about it. But he can assure her that he meant no harm. He wanted her to be at peace around him. He didn’t want her love. He just wanted to watch her being happy.

"You give me the strength I never knew I had."

Jessamyn looked up at him, her eyes soft, and lips curving. "You’ve said that to me before... Actually, you’ve written it to me... Your ninth letter... You were stationed on the Eastern border with orders to be in the group leading an ambush on the Altanian troops on Winter Solstice..."

Her voice trailed as he leaned on her shoulder. "You remember..." he said, sniffing. She felt the wetness on the nape of her neck.

Jessamyn’s eyes wetted and she gently caressed his hair. "I wish I forgot, but I remember everything, Jerrick..." A drop of tear fell on his hair and she wiped it. "I didn’t forget... I couldn’t...I just put them in a box and buried them deep... The box cracked and...bitterness had corrupted what was in the box...What oozes out now is corrupt. What once was beautiful had now turned...rancid."

"Leave them with me," Jerrick held her cheeks. "Don’t let anything hurt you. Not even our past... Do not hurt yourself, Jessamyn. Hurt me, instead... I can take it. Not you... Not you..."

Jessamyn searched his eyes, her heart aching at the sincerity she found there. She thought that she had always been the strong one, the one to bear the weight of their shared history. She thought he never cared. But here he was, offering to shoulder it for her, to take her pain as his own.

She closed her eyes, leaning into his touch, feeling the warmth emanating from him. Jessamyn felt a weight lift from her shoulders. The pain and bitterness were still there, but they no longer felt insurmountable.

Leaning on his shoulder, she fell asleep. Slowly, the sound of the hooves decreased and she didn’t feel the shaking of the carriage. She fell into a deep slumber, accompanied by the lightness in her heart.

Letting go of resentment did help her.

Even in her dreams, she was peaceful. She was in the long-forgotten plains of Ravensworth, the times she ran around freely as a little girl. With her long hair fluttering in the wind, not minding that the hem of her skirt was getting muddied, she ran as she felt light as a feather.

The sky was bright and the breeze was gentle. She ran to the edge of the field. And in the distance, she saw a lonely figure.

Stretching out his hand, he smiled at her—the smile that had been her comfort when she was at rock bottom.

"Come to me, My Beloved Jasmine..." Joar said. "I am waiting..."