Taming the Beast World with a Frying Pan-Chapter 71: Grocery Shopping in the Garden

Ren ignored the vibrant, man-eating flowers snapping at her ankles and focused on the greens. Her knowledge of botany and culinary herbs kicked into high gear, but in this alien world, trial and error was the only true science.

"Okay, gumbo needs earthiness," she muttered, scanning the foliage. "I need deep flavors. No pressure, just the lives of everyone I know hanging in the balance."

She spotted a cluster of broad, lush leaves that looked remarkably like spinach. They were glistening with morning dew and looked delicious.

"Hello, beautiful," Ren whispered.

She crouched down and ripped a leaf off. She took a tentative nibble.

"Ack!"

Ren spat it out violently, scraping her tongue with her teeth.

"Soap! Why does it taste like soap?!" she gagged, wiping her mouth. "That is not spinach. That is a garnish for a laundromat."

She moved on, shaking her head. She spotted a purple, bulbous root poking out of the mud. It looked like a beet.

"Please be sweet," she prayed. She pulled it up and took a sniff.

The smell hit her like a physical slap. It smelled like wet dog mixed with old gym socks that had been fermented in vinegar.

"Oh god," Ren wheezed, tossing the root back into the bushes. "Hard pass. Absolutely not going in the soup."

She was running out of time. She needed wins, not culinary bio-hazards.

She moved to a cluster of dark, jagged leaves near the back wall. She snapped one open. A sharp, peppery aroma wafted up, carrying notes of anise.

"Finally," Ren sighed. "Swamp Kale. Come to mama."

The leaves vanished into her inventory.

She moved to a cluster of tall, hollow stalks. She snapped one open and sniffed. The aroma was sharp, pungent, and made her eyes water in the best way possible.

"Garlic-Chives," Ren nodded.

She found a vine with small, slimy green pods that looked like deformed fingers. She sliced one with her fingernail. It was sticky and mucilaginous.

"Not okra, but close enough" Ren declared triumphantly. "The thickening agent is secured."

With her inventory stocked with strange vegetation and the taste of soap finally fading from her mouth, she sprinted back through the scullery and pivoted toward the main palace. 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝙚𝙬𝓮𝙗𝒏𝙤𝒗𝙚𝙡.𝒄𝒐𝓶

"Now for the fire," she panted.

She ran through the stone corridors, her bare feet slapping against the cold floor. The red puffer coat bounced around her, making swishing noises with every step like a giant nylon balloon.

She reached the massive double doors of the King’s Nest and barged in.

"Where is it?" Ren demanded of the empty room.

She scanned the space. The Nest was vast, dominated by the massive stone platform piled high with black furs.

She racked her brain. The last time she saw her silver lighter, Syris had it. During her fever last night, in her haze, she remembered Syris and Viper trying to figure out how to work it.

"He must have dropped it," Ren muttered. "Men."

She ran to the high stone shelf carved into the wall near the entrance. Ren stood on her tiptoes, stretching her arm up.

The red puffer coat was warm, but it wasn’t long. As she reached up, the hem rose dangerously high, exposing the back of her thighs to the chilly room.

"Reaching for the top shelf in this outfit is a gamble with my dignity," Ren grumbled to herself, patting the stone surface blindly. "Come on... be there..."

Her fingers met nothing but dust and a decorative skull.

"Ugh!"

She dropped back onto her heels, pulling the coat down. "Okay, not high. Maybe low."

She moved to the obsidian bedside table. Empty. She checked under the table. Empty.

"No, no, no. Syris, you slippery hoarding snake, where did you put my lighter?"

She dropped to her knees and started frantically patting the furs on the bed, tossing heavy black blankets aside like a burrowing badger.

"It has to be here. Without the lighter, I can’t make fire. Without fire, I can’t make the gumbo. Without the gumbo, Kael stays a feral murder-cat."

Then, a glint of silver caught her eye.

"Aha!"

It wasn’t on the bed. It had fallen behind the massive stone platform, wedged into a deep, dark crack between the heavy bed and the rough stone wall.

"You have got to be kidding me," Ren groaned.

She checked the time. Every second counted. She didn’t have time to run back to the garden to find a stick to fish it out.

Ren got down on all fours on the freezing stone floor. The cold seeped into her knees instantly. She lowered her head, shoving her face and arm into the dark gap under the bed.

"Come here..." she grunted, stretching her arm as far as it would go.

Her fingertips brushed the cool metal. It was just out of reach. She needed another inch. Just one more inch.

Ren adjusted her position. She moved from a crawl to a full stretch. She arched her back, pressing her chest flat against the cold stone to maximize her reach, forcing her upper body lower.

As she shimmied forward, the hem of the oversized red puffer coat slid upward. And since she was wearing absolutely nothing underneath the coat retreated all the way up to her waist.

Ren felt the icy draft hit her skin immediately.

"Oh god," she whimpered into the dust bunnies under the bed. "My butt. My butt is completely out. I am mooning the entire room."

She was mortified. She was exposing her entire backside to the room like a baboon in heat. But the lighter was right there. She could feel the textured metal against her nail.

"Just... grab... the lighter..." Ren strained, wiggling her hips to shimmy just a fraction of an inch closer.

Her bare, pale bottom swayed in the air with her efforts, looking like two very cold, very round full moons rising in the dark room.

She stretched her fingers to their absolute limit, wiggling her hips one last time with a grunt of effort.

At that exact moment, the heavy stone door connecting the Nest to the Royal Bath slid open silently.