Sold to the Capo-Chapter 63: BETWEEN WANT AND FEAR

ADRIANA’S POV

I didn’t move, and that was what baffled me more, even as his hands snaked around my neck, pulling me closer to me, his tongue gently seeking permission.

Why wasn’t I moving away?

It felt good, his soft lips on mine moving in perfect sync like it was meant to be there. I didn’t like to deny when something made me feel good so I wouldn’t deny how safe I felt in his arms and how wrong it felt at this same time. I should be able to deny it but I couldn’t.

Placing my hands gently on his chest, I pushed him away gently, my eyes searching the ground as the sounds of our heavy breathing filled the space.

"Tesoro..." He said huskily, sounding out of breath, his hand still gently resting on my shoulder.

He was just trying to help me get over my fear but it felt like I was beginning to overthink it. I wasn’t the type of some sort of casual relationship and it felt like this was what this would lead to. I was no mafia’s mistress.

"No, it’s fine. I shouldn’t..." I gulped unsure how to continue as I took a step back from him.

"You didn’t tell me to stop, I wanted you to stop me, Adriana. I don’t want to push you into something you’ll hate, I’m trying to make you comfortable with stuff like this... I’m not trying to use you or anything." He sounded genuinely worried, but I noticed how he also took a step back as if he noticed that I needed personal space after what just happened.

"It’s not about that... I mean, it’s kinda about that, but my point is...I wasn’t expecting it, and I was just in shock or something." The words sounded flat in my head, but I would never admit it to him.

I wanted to kiss him. The first time when we kissed, it was basically him taking me by surprise without my consent. I wanted to want it too, and now that it happened, I didn’t know what to say to him.

"Fuck, Adriana, you should have stopped me" He ran a hand through his hair, his features seemed troubled in the dim light of the fireplace.

"I know... I’m not trying to blame you for what happened... I wanted it too, if that makes any sense to you, I did want it but I’m just in shock and I really do think we shouldn’t do it again because it’s kinda breaking our rules of no sex"

"That’s not sex, Adriana and you know it. It was a kiss which you’re clearly not comfortable with, and I apologize for it." He sounded genuinely apologetic and like he was confused about my reaction.

"It’s what you were trying to aim at, right? It’s what you want, and I don’t," I spelled out for him.

"Jesus, Adriana. That’s not what I..." He paused and threw his hands up in surrender. "I don’t want sex from you; I’m not gonna force myself on you after what you’ve gone through in the past; what would that make me? Is that how low you think of me? Okay, I admit it, most of the reason I kissed you was not just to help you get over it but because I wanted to. I wanted to know how it was again" His tone had started to get annoyed and cold at this point.

"I would never. What would that make me? Some dude who would jump the girl he sees? I’ve lived with you for months, and you know I don’t have any tㅡ." He sighed and rubbed his face. "Forget it. Next time, I won’t initiate anything, I promise. My word"

He turned back to the couch where we had sat and he nodded to it. "C’mon let’s go sit and wait for the storm to pass so that we can get the generator running again and electricity back"

Without waiting for me, he reached out a hand to grab my hand then he paused, looking at me. "Can I?" He asked, his tone calm.

Was he asking if he could touch me? I wanted him to touch me; I wanted him to hold me for some reason; I knew I was attracted to him, but right now, my mind was foggy, and I was feeling conflicted, so I just shrugged. "Yeah"

He nodded and grabbed my hand softly in his before pulling me over to the couch where he made me sit down.

He leaned his head back against the couch, his eyes fixed on nothing in particular. The storm would probably go on for a few more hours, and I was stuck in this house with him as I couldn’t leave the house, so I just fiddled with my hands in my laps.

The silence was the uncomfortable kind, and I knew it was my fault; I was the one who caused all this. If I had stopped him, he wouldn’t have done it but I had let him then made it seem like it was his fault. Maybe I needed to address it.

"Vincenzo..." I whispered.

He turned to look at me, concern and still annoyance swirling in his gaze. "Yeah?" His voice was just as soft. A tone I wouldn’t have associated with him a while back.

"Look, I know you don’t have any bad or sexual intentions, and it was just a kiss; you did give me a choice... I reacted poorly to it, I’m sorry. I’m just still scared of touch, if that makes sense, and for the fact that I actually enjoyed kissing you... I got scared." I let out a nervous laugh, knowing I was revealing a lot.

His features softened and the annoyance in his gaze left almost as immediately as I noticed it. "You didn’t hate it?"

Maybe I could quickly say "no, I did hate it, I’m just saying trash, and I hate you too," but I couldn’t; my lips were sealed, and I just nodded my head.

"No, I didn’t hate it" I admitted before I stood up, my palms feeling sweaty. "Maybe it’s because you asked for consent" I started pacing about the room while he continued looking at me with that piercing gaze.

"Maybe it’s because I know you don’t have any bad intentions..." I was still pacing about, my mind no longer focused on him but rather trying to understand why I liked it. How long had it been since I had gone without any physical affection? Far too long. Could that be another reason? No, I just never felt the attraction to enjoy anything with a man for some time now. It all just felt mechanical and still made me feel dirty.

"Or maybe.... Maybe it’s because You’re different from the jerk I know, and you’re actually a good person." I stopped pacing and faced him.

He leaned forward on the chair and shrugged. "Which one do you think it is? Or maybe... just maybe it doesn’t have a reason? You don’t have to have a reason to like something that happened to you. Where’s the fun in that?" He asked.

"I like to be sure of my things, I want to know... I always want to know..." I paused at that, his words from a while ago coming back to me.

He wasn’t wrong. I was a control freak. I wanted to know everything; I didn’t want to be left in the dark at any time; it made me feel unaware, and I didn’t like the feeling; I would always jump at the tiniest of information.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked, his voice low.

I looked outside at the snow which was beginning to fall at a more average pace now. The storm was over. That fast? I had expected it to continue for a while more.

"I’m just realizing that I am indeed a control freak" I chuckled, the sound coming out without mirth.

He stood up and walked over to me, his eyes peering into mine. "I don’t think it’s such a bad thing" He whispered

"It is" I looked up at him with a small smile.

"You don’t have to feel like that here. As long as you’re not shooting me or any men... I’ll handle the drama" He chuckled.

I couldn’t help but chuckle also at his words. "I thought men didn’t like drama" I smiled.

"Well thank god that I’m not just any man..." He used his hand to tilt my chin up, his gaze straying to my lips. "Safe word?"

I stared into his hazel eyes, dumbstruck by how light they had become. His eyes were usually a dark and brooding shade, but today, they were soft and staring at me.

"I’ll pass this one time" I whispered back to him.

He smiled at that and pressed his lips to mine, his lips molding against mine.

I grabbed onto his coat, fisting in my hands, when suddenly the door opened and I heard a voice.

It was like the person was waiting for just come right after the storm had ended just a few minutes ago. 𝕗𝚛𝚎𝚎𝐰𝗲𝗯𝗻𝚘𝚟𝚎𝗹.𝕔𝐨𝕞

"Don Enzo" the person’s voice was tight and seemed annoyed.

I quickly pulled away even though Vincenzo seemed a little more reluctant but then my eyes widened to see Henry standing at the door with a scrutinizing and cold gaze.

"Don Gabriel wants to see you. The network’s back and he’s on his way here" He reported, his eyes fixed on me before he walked out.

He was mad.

But I didn’t feel bad.

I didn’t have feelings for him, and I knew I wasn’t in love with Vincenzo; I was simply attracted to him right now.

But somehow I knew I was setting myself up for doom with both men.