My Scumbag System-Chapter 319: The Hounds of Onyx Don’t Understand the Concept of a Sick Day
Morning arrived with all the subtlety of a brick through a window.
Someone was knocking on my door. Aggressively.
"Go away," I groaned into my pillow.
The knocking intensified.
"Satori! It’s been eight hours! I’m coming in!"
Emi’s voice. Of course it was Emi’s voice.
The door burst open before I could respond, and a blur of sapphire blue hair launched itself onto my bed. I had approximately half a second to brace before Emi landed beside me, her healing aura already pulsing around her hands.
"Your vitals look stable but I brought breakfast and medicine and also I made you a bento for later and—"
"Emi."
"—the rice is from this special farm that Isabelle told me about and the eggs are organic and—"
"Emi."
"—I stayed up all night researching recovery protocols for thoracic trauma and did you know that—"
I grabbed her wrist.
She stopped talking immediately, her brown eyes going wide.
"Breathe."
She breathed.
"Good. Now. What time is it?"
"Six thirty."
I let my head fall back against the pillow. "You said you’d check on me in the morning. Not at dawn."
"Six thirty IS morning!"
Technically correct. The worst kind of correct.
Her healing aura washed over me, warm and soothing, and I had to admit it felt incredible. The constant ache in my ribs dulled to a whisper. My shoulder stopped throbbing entirely.
"That’s actually helping," I admitted.
Her face lit up like I’d handed her a trophy. "Really? I’ve been practicing! I read this article about focused mana circulation and I thought maybe if I—"
The door opened again.
Natalia stood in the doorway, still in her pajamas, her purple hair a wild mess. Her eyes locked onto Emi sitting on my bed with her hands on my chest.
"Oh," Natalia said quietly. "So this is what’s happening."
"It’s not what it looks like!" Emi squeaked.
"It looks like you’re alone in my boyfriend’s room at six in the morning with your hands on his body."
"I’m healing him!"
"Uh huh."
I sat up slowly, Emi’s hands falling away. "She actually is healing me. See? Less dying. Very helpful."
Natalia’s eye twitched.
This was going to be a problem.
"Come here," I said, patting the space beside me.
Natalia hesitated for exactly one second before crossing the room and claiming the spot to my left. She pressed herself against my side possessively, shooting Emi a look that could have frozen lava.
Emi, bless her oblivious heart, didn’t seem to notice. "Your regeneration is progressing well! Professor Braxton’s medical team said you should be cleared for light activity by tomorrow!"
"Light activity," Natalia repeated. "Like what?"
"Walking! Stretching! Maybe some gentle sparring!"
Natalia’s hand found my thigh under the blanket. "What about other activities?"
Emi tilted her head. "Like what?"
"Nothing," I said quickly. "She means nothing."
Natalia pinched me.
I deserved that.
A soft knock at the door announced Soomin’s arrival. She peeked around the frame, her pink hair still mussed from sleep, wearing an oversized t-shirt that hung off one shoulder.
"Um. The Fox woke me up. She said Satori was surrounded and needed backup."
"Backup from what?" I asked.
Soomin’s eyes darted between Natalia and Emi. "From them."
"Excuse me?" Natalia’s voice dropped to sub-zero temperatures.
Soomin flinched. "I’m just telling you what she said! I don’t control her!"
This was my life now. A living room comedy where all the main characters wanted to either kiss me or kill each other.
"Come in," I sighed. "Might as well complete the set."
Soomin scurried inside, positioning herself at the foot of my bed. Her eyes glowed faintly blue for a moment before returning to normal.
"The Fox is satisfied," she reported. "For now."
"Great. Wonderful. I’m so glad the ancient spirit possessing my teammate is satisfied."
Emi raised her hand. "I brought enough breakfast for everyone! It’s downstairs in the kitchen!"
"Of course you did."
"It’s important that we all eat together as a team! Bonding strengthens unit cohesion and—"
"You’ve been reading Braxton’s tactical manuals again, haven’t you?"
She blushed. "Maybe."
Natalia stood abruptly. "Fine. Breakfast. But I’m sitting next to Satori."
"I was going to sit next to him," Emi protested.
"Then you’ll have to be fast." 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝙚𝙬𝓮𝙗𝒏𝙤𝒗𝙚𝙡.𝒄𝒐𝓶
They glared at each other.
Soomin raised her hand tentatively. "The Fox wants to sit next to him too."
"NO," they said in unison.
===
Breakfast was chaos.
Emi had prepared enough food for a small army, which was appropriate given that Jaime ate like a small army all by himself. The kitchen table groaned under the weight of rice, grilled fish, miso soup, tamagoyaki, pickled vegetables, and what appeared to be an entire bakery’s worth of fresh bread.
"This is incredible!" Marco shouted, mouth full. "Emi, you’re amazing!"
She beamed. "I wanted everyone to have a good meal! We all worked so hard in the dungeon!"
Natalia had claimed the seat to my right. Emi sat to my left. Soomin had somehow ended up directly across from me, her eyes never leaving my face.
It was like being in the center of a very pretty, very dangerous triangle.
Skylar arrived late, looking like she’d barely slept. She surveyed the seating arrangement, snorted, and dropped into the chair beside Soomin.
"Love what you’ve done with the place," she drawled. "Very harem anime. Classic."
"Shut up," I muttered.
"The protagonist surrounded by beautiful women who all want his attention? Groundbreaking stuff, really. Never been done before."
"I will throw this rice at your face."
"Kinky."
Natalia’s grip on her chopsticks tightened dangerously.
Isabelle swept in, already dressed in full tactical gear, and surveyed the room with her usual unflappable calm. "Team meeting in one hour. The VHC sent a formal inquiry about the Anomaly incident. We need to align our stories."
"What stories?" Marco asked. "We went in, stuff went wrong, Satori and Natalia killed it. Easy."
"The VHC doesn’t deal in easy. They deal in paperwork and political leverage."
Jacob scurried in clutching his tablet, eyes wild. "Did anyone else see the news? The official report says the Gate experienced a ’spontaneous mana surge’ that caused ’temporary instability.’ No mention of the Anomaly. No mention of the casualties. Nothing."
"Called it," Skylar said around a mouthful of bread.
"But that’s not what happened! We have witnesses! We have footage! How can they just—"
"Because they can," I interrupted. "The VHC controls the narrative. Always has. They decide what’s real and what gets buried."
Jacob looked like I’d slapped him. "But the truth—"
"Is whatever they say it is. Welcome to the big leagues, Jacob."
He slumped into a chair, clutching his tablet like a security blanket.
Raphael entered, grabbed a plate, and sat at the far end of the table without acknowledging anyone. His amber eyes met mine briefly.
Something passed between us. Not friendship. Not exactly. But an understanding.
He’d seen what I could do in that dungeon. What I really was beneath the surface.
And he’d decided to keep that information to himself.
For now.
"Alright!" Jaime’s voice boomed across the kitchen. "Before we start this meeting of warriors, I must ask the most important question!"
Everyone braced themselves.
"Satori! What is your type?"
I choked on my rice.
"His what?" Emi asked.
"His TYPE! The truest measure of a man’s soul! What qualities does he seek in a romantic partner?"
Natalia’s aura darkened. "He has a girlfriend."
"This is not about relationships! This is about TRUTH! About understanding the core of a person’s being!"
"It’s about muscles," Raphael muttered. "Everything with you is about muscles."
"The muscles are merely the window through which we observe the soul!"
I coughed, still recovering from nearly dying via rice inhalation. "My type is anyone who can keep up with me."
Jaime considered this. "An excellent answer! Strength attracts strength! The alpha seeks an equal!"
"That’s not what I—"
"Your soul is PURE, Satori! Like the finest protein powder!"
Skylar put her head down on the table and started laughing silently.
I made a mental note to never have breakfast with these people again.
