My Curse? A Different Yandere in Every Reincarnation-Chapter 168: Mommy

Well, a day has passed, and all day long I didn’t see Beatriz. She told me to stay in her room and not come out at all, so I just obeyed while thinking about the future.

It seemed like Beatriz needed some time, and honestly, I also wanted some alone time to think about my life.

I’m seriously considering asking her for that spear as a gift, but I’m not sure if she would give it to me since it’s an important item from the church.

With that spear, dangerous threats could be killed with a single blow. The spear has so much power that it’s really tempting to keep it, but I’ll leave that for the future.

I also thought about how the special people from other worlds are doing. I wonder how Yeom, Alehandro, Aiden, and Yuki are doing. Do they miss me a lot in their lives?

Or have they already gotten over me? To begin with, are they even still alive? My sense of time is crap, and Alehandro and Aiden’s world came before I became a vampire and slept for over 5,000 years.

I have no idea if they’re still alive or if they’ve already died. To start with, the time in each world is different, so they could all be dead and I wouldn’t know. I’d love to be able to see how they’re doing directly.

It would be nice to see if they’re alive, and if they’re dead, I’d like to see their legacy and how things are after their end. I seriously wonder how much my life really affected those worlds.

’...’ I run my hand over my face, feeling the tears. I’m sad about this. It’s undeniable that the time I spent in those worlds was difficult, and I was always worried about being killed.

But now that my time with them is over, I miss them. Yeom was quite rough and violent, but she had her own gentle way of loving me and caring, even if she was a bit scary.

She even tried to change and control her jealousy because of a single promise. She genuinely cared to the point of trying to control herself and act normal.

Alehandro was also kind and nice, although he always got things mixed up, which was a bit embarrassing, but I think that’s just who he is. He taught me many things that now help me at least a little.

It was a difficult life, but I don’t deny that, looking back on the past, it wasn’t such a bad time when I spent it with him, learning things from the church and, best of all, helping various people.

Yuki was young, but he was a hardworking boy who, over the years he worked repairing my mansion and caring for me, was very attentive. He was innocent and kind, and it wasn’t so bad to have his company.

As for Aiden, in the little time we spent together, he took care of me and showed me various fun things while my illness was slowly killing me. He was a funny and cheerful person with an infectious enthusiasm.

Thanks to him, I was able to forget my problems for a while and have a peaceful death that calmed my mind.

Ironically, they weren’t ’bad’ people, but they all could have killed me out of love if they had the time and reason, even if the reason was stupid. My curse is not only cruel to me, but it is also cruel to all these people who, without this strange love, might have been better off.

I wonder if Sayuri is happy with this result. We are all unhappy. I am unhappy with my life, and the Yanderes are mostly not happy or satisfied either.

Most of my Yanderes are paranoid about me disappearing from their lives. They let their paranoia override reason, which leads them to do bad things and be controlling, which only deteriorates our relationship faster.

And even Yui has extra work to solve the problems that my presence causes in other worlds, being affected by something that has nothing to do with her.

No one came out ahead in Sayuri’s petty revenge. I wonder how much longer I’ll be stuck in this and how many more will be affected by this nonsense.

’If I count everything, I must be around 6,000 to 7,000 years old...and I must have caused a lot of destruction.’ It’s a long time, but it all went by so fast that I don’t even feel that old.

They say that with age comes wisdom, but I don’t feel wiser, just more paranoid, distrustful of everything and everyone, crazy, with a broken mentality about good and evil, and with thoughts and tendencies that differ greatly from my early self.

I’m practically a different person now. Time changes and shapes people, and now I’m practically a completely new person. I’ve committed many bad and good acts. I’ve stained my hands with blood, but I’ve also helped people along the way, which makes me question the value of my own existence.

Is my existence good or bad? Would everything be better if I didn’t exist? Or would it be worse? I have no idea, and I probably never will.

All I know is that I can no longer be considered a sane person. I’ve died so many times, been used so much, and made so many mistakes that now bad things don’t seem so bad anymore.

There’s no way to be anything else. What kind of sick person kills thousands of people like I did for nothing? I’ll never forget that I committed that massacre, and in the end, it didn’t serve any purpose.

There’s no way to just erase the fact that out of pure fear, paranoia, and madness, I destroyed thousands of lives without the influence of any Yandere, a decision and mistake entirely my own.

Just as I also don’t forget that yes, I did good things. That’s why I don’t know if I’m good or bad, I just know that I’m a little crazy.

"Shizune..." I hear Beatriz’s voice, breaking my train of thought. I quickly wipe the tears from my clothes and go to the door, opening it.

"Are you done with what you needed to do?" I ask, not knowing what she was really doing.

"Yes, I... made sure everyone knows you passed that test. Now you’re the third-highest authority in the church... no one will question you or stop you, and the paladins can’t accuse you of being dangerous," she says, avoiding eye contact.

’You seem nervous,’ I notice from her body language and gaze.

"It’s just... difficult. You were right."

"About?"

"About everything... it was easier to just listen to complaints and continue my work, because I thought it was what my mother would do. I should have been more authoritative, but I let the situation get worse and worse, and now the complaints are almost a never-ending routine."

"I... I’m exhausted. Exhausted of healing these ungrateful people, exhausted of hearing complaints even when I do my best and always try to improve. I’m so tired of it all."

"You just spoke the truth. I let the ingratitude become a pattern instead of putting an end to it before it became a problem, and now it’s almost a firmly rooted issue in my life."

’...’

’"And... I’m sorry... for trying to kill you." She affirms what I already knew the spear test was an obvious attempt to deny the reality I showed her and eliminate me.

"I don’t mind. It’s no big deal," I knew I wouldn’t die, and I also knew she was just trying to get rid of me in a way her mind considered fair, which is why she was so shocked when I stayed alive.

"Y-You don’t mind?" She looks shocked, as if she expected a reprimand or some form of judgment. In fact, it’s certain that she expected me to complain, because her life is summed up by people complaining about everything she does.

"No, I don’t mind. I knew that was an attempt to kill me. What matters is that you’re here apologizing, and that’s a good attitude."

’...’

To me, Beatriz is easy to understand. She has a problem ironically similar to Alehandro’s, Beatriz is too hard on herself, trying to follow the church’s rules.

And unlike Alehandro, who blindly followed rules, Beatriz follows what she thinks her mother would do. She’s trapped in a ghost of the past instead of living her own life.

I can even imagine what her life was like. Throughout her childhood, the church cited her mother, talking about what her mother did and putting all their expectations on Beatriz, who was forced to take on the responsibility.

"I’m sorry... and I was wrong," she says, hugging me. I just caress her head, closing the door.

"Yes, you were wrong, but it’s okay. Everyone makes mistakes," I say, hugging her back.

"And... can I ask for your help?" She says with a few tears.

"Tell me what it is, and I’ll see if I can help."

"Could you be... my mother?"

’...’

’That’s... an unusual request,’ I’m taken by surprise, as I thought it would be for help with something else.

"I-I know it’s strange, but I can’t change like this without an example... You said you want to be better, so can’t we change together? Be my example to follow."

"Alright... I guess I can do that... d-d-daughter," I almost refused, but then I remembered I almost had a child of my own who was taken before birth. I guess it won’t be too bad to create a daughter, even if she’s already grown up.

"But we’ll only do this in private. It would be strange to do it in public, and it would be even worse to explain it."

"I understand. Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She hugs me tightly.

"Mommy, I don’t want to work today" she says, clinging to the hug. This is so strange, I think I’m regretting accepting this.

"Don’t worry, I’ll do your work. It’s just administration, right? I’m good at that," I know that in the afternoon and evening, all she does is read reports and approve or deny what’s in the papers. It can’t be that hard, compared to managing various companies like I did in my first life.

Sniff Sniff

"...You... smell like milk?" She says after sniffing me for a moment. She’s never been this close to me, so it makes sense she didn’t notice before.

"Haha, yes, I spilled some milk on myself when I got your meal from the maids this morning" I lie. It would be strange, complicated, and highly doubtful to explain that it’s my natural breast milk.

"I see. My papers will be brought by a maid soon. Can you get me a cup of milk from the kitchen, please, Mommy?" She murmurs with tired eyes.

"Of course..." I will never get used to being called ’Mommy’ by an adult woman like this. It’s just too strange.

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