My Alleged Husband-Chapter 706 - 676 Have You Ever Loved Me?_1
Xia Jing knew that no matter what she said now, there was no way to make her husband trust her again as he had before. Mistakes had been made and confession was inevitable, regardless of what difficulties it might bring. She had to face them bravely; it was her own doing, and no one else could be blamed. Whoever committed an error would be punished by the world. Heaven was fair, but sometimes it could be so unjust—clearly knowing who she truly loved in her heart, yet repeatedly tearing them apart, condemning her to live in the abyss of agony all because of a past mistake.
"Zhentian, there are some things I don’t know how to explain to you now, and there are some questions I don’t know how to ask you. I just want to know, do I really seem that despicable to you? I just wanted to quietly live the life I chose for myself. My life has been such a failure. I lost the man who loved me the most and I will never again have a happy and joyful life as I had before. Can’t you feel any sympathy for me? In fact, I know that you’re not happy inside either. You know very well that the man I love is not you, but you can only pretend I love you, deceiving yourself again and again, just to satisfy your own heart and avoid others’ gossip. You just want to make yourself believe and also blind others, to prove you are happy, to prove that I, your family member, am happy!"
Zhang Zhentian sighed. He too didn’t know how to handle the situation with his wife. Which man in the world could forgive his wife’s heart always thinking of another man? It was a great insult to him, irrespective of whether he cared or not. Some things had become irrevocable; no matter what mistakes he had made, what errors he had committed, he should not have to bear such pain. Every person has their desired life and longs only to be with that special person, neglecting to consider if the other’s heart truly holds love for them. Perhaps his love had been too selfish, causing everything to become so awkward now, giving her the chance to think of another man, and himself a major embarrassment. How was he to face his neighbors and the world?
Moreover, he had abandoned his own family for this woman, even neglecting his biological father, but this was the outcome he got. What was it all for? Is this how the heavens repaid him? His love, his self-respect, all principles he abandoned, only to be treated this way in the end. What could he possibly do to return everything to its original state? Had all his sacrifices simply gone down the drain? Couldn’t she see even the slightest bit of sincerity in his love for her? He truly loved her, loved her to the bone, would even give up his life for her, but the woman before him didn’t love him one bit, only using him.
"Xia Jing, oh Xia Jing, there are things I don’t know how to say to you as well, but I really want to ask you—what are you thinking? I abandoned my entire family for you, disregarded my own relatives. I only hoped to be with you and receive your sincere love in return. But why would you tell such lies to deceive me? Why, when your heart doesn’t hold me, would you choose to stay with me? Isn’t that an insult to me? Could it be that in your eyes it was because of age that you got married to me and had our son? Are all these things just your way of shifting affection, or are they for some ulterior motive?
Sometimes I’m numb myself. I don’t know if you’re aware of how much I’ve done for you. I could sacrifice everything, even if it means being utterly unhappy for the rest of my life, but why can’t you ever see the good in me through your eyes? Do you only see the harm I’ve done to you? I’ve given so much for you, my love for you is genuine. Can’t you just stay by my side and love me a little more? Even just a bit would be good. Do you understand how heartbroken I’ve been all these years? Time and again, I go through self-reproach and pain, doubting every decision I’ve made.
The thought of having abandoned my family for you haunts me in my dreams every night, but I have never been afraid, because having you by my side was enough for me. I could easily toss aside my own relatives for you, seeing them as burdens. But is this how you repay me? Is there even a shred of sincerity in your love for me? Why can’t you ever see my love for you? Why must you persist in being so selfish, mistreating others at every turn?"
Xia Jing had not expected her husband Zhentian to say such things to her. In truth, all she had ever wanted was to live peacefully by her husband’s side. She had thought of providing a stable home for him, to let him live happily, but life does not always go as one wishes. Each decision she made required a price to be paid. Only through these costs could her life become different.
"I never thought that way. On the contrary, I am very happy with every day I spend with you, because I feel so content and joyful being with you. I never thought about what kind of end my life would face. All I wanted was to stay by your side. Though I thought about giving up the man who loved me the most, the man I loved the most, I just couldn’t do it. My love for him is ingrained in my bones, something I can never forget in this lifetime, nor can anyone else replace his love for me, and my love for him. It may be unfair to you, but some things are beyond my control!"
