My Alleged Husband-Chapter 1579 - 1373: Waiting
Ultimately, one day I may finally wait for you, perhaps because I never gave up.
Happiness isn’t easy, which makes it all the more precious!
"I’ve given so much, but who understands the bitterness behind it all? I always hoped to make everything different from myself, I always hoped I could be happy, be full of joy, step by step until the end. Yet in the end, I realized it was all in vain. I didn’t get the outcome I most desired. I turned it all into the results I least wanted to see in my lifetime. Do you know how much it hurts deep in my heart?
Throughout all these years, the loneliness, the hardship, the pain, I alone knew. No one can understand all the pressure I once faced. Even if you all returned to this home, I would still say the same thing. I could pretend all the mistakes of the past didn’t happen, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t mind them at all. I’m not a Saint. I can’t keep forgiving you over and over again only to end up with nothing. We should all understand what kind of life we truly want.
Wouldn’t it be better if we left ourselves some space to retreat? Why must we push everything to the most unwanted outcome? Think about how over the years we have become what we are today. Step by step, we made ourselves into this. Is this really what we wanted? All we wished for was to live happily, for the family to unite in happiness and never part. Is it really so difficult to achieve? I gave my all; I tried my best, did everything I could. In my heart, I believe I haven’t let myself down or the heavens. Yet I still can’t reach the results I want. Perhaps the heavens are unfair, or maybe they are fair. I don’t know how I’ve offended the heavens, for them to toy with me like this, making me endure repeated pain and bitterness, leaving me nowhere to voice my complaints."
Zhang Zhentian originally thought all his endeavors were worthy of praise, joy, and acclaim in his father’s eyes. But he didn’t expect the profound disappointment in his father’s mind, where everything he did was wrong. He had never done anything right. Why did he become like this? Why did he gradually turn into who he is today? Why did he choose to hurt his family, betray his father, letting him endure all undeserved pain? What did he do? He truly couldn’t understand what kind of person he had become.
Was he really so selfish and unforgivable, only doing wrong without understanding gratitude? He shouldn’t be like this at all. Yet now, hearing every word his father said to him fully proved that everything he’d done was like this. He didn’t want such a life for himself. All he wanted was for his family to be happy, for his parents to stand by him forever. Although his mother was long gone, his father remained his eternal pillar of spiritual support.
"Dad, please don’t say things like that. I never intended to abandon you again, much less to hurt you again with what I did in the past. I’m truly regretful and heartbroken. I never imagined that I would bring you such deep hurt. I admit that everything isn’t what I desired most. I changed everything against your wishes, repeatedly filling my life with pain. I don’t know what I should do; I don’t understand how to return everything to its original state, as if nothing had ever changed in that moment. But it’s really so hard. Everyone has their own difficulties in life. Do you think I have no difficulties? Do you really think I’ve lived so carelessly up to today? I also tried; I gave my all to change my life, to become what you wished in your heart. But I really can’t become what you expect."
I don’t know how I should live my life, what kind of life would exchange for the sincerity we both wish for. I regret it. How many times today have I found it tough?
Who cares about my innermost thoughts and pains? I’ve walked step by step onto the path of life I least wanted. I’ve lived step by step against my conscience in this world. I want to live; I want my life to lead to the day when I can bring glory to my family, but my actions only bring shame to them. Do you understand? That feeling truly brings regret and frustration. I made myself step by step into what I am today. Is this really what I wanted? Actually, it’s not, but I can’t turn everything into the ending I most desire."
"You don’t need to explain anymore. I’m not blaming you. I just hope you’ll think carefully about your actions, think about whether you really repay your family’s concern and love for you. We just want to live happily, with joy and fulfillment, but this isn’t it. Our journey should be filled with happiness, not with sorrow. Would you really choose to live such a life forever? If I were you, I certainly wouldn’t. This life is truly exhausting. I see your struggles and the brilliant future you’re about to achieve. But eventually, you make everything go against your own intentions, abandoning the goals you should’ve strived for. All you wanted was simply to achieve your own plans – is that really what you should do?
I will never ask anything of you again in this lifetime. No one understands the pain deep in my heart. You always feel you comprehend my inner struggles and difficulties, but who truly understands? You have no idea. You will never experience the pain where no one acknowledges or understands your deeds. You’ve lived too easily, too casually, and simply. You think going with the flow is the best future!"
We are really no different, following the same path over and over again!
