My Alleged Husband-Chapter 1050 - 903: Going Crazy
Xia Jing saw her son and grandson attacking her husband together, and truthfully, deep down inside, she was not feeling well.
"How can you do this? No matter what, she is your elder. Is it appropriate for the two of you, father and son, to say such things to your senior? I don’t care what your goals are, or what reasons you have, but you cannot say such heartless and ruthless words to my own husband. When I see my husband like this, deep down, I truly feel uneasy. After all, she has accompanied me for so many years, and what do your actions really count for?
I know that everything you are doing is for our good, but when you repeatedly choose this way to deal with us, I am truly in despair. I have no way to accept this kind of life—I cannot accept my own family suspecting me again and again.
You should admit your mistakes. Everyone understands that facing the doubts of one’s family is nothing but a profound sense of helplessness, that no matter what you do, your family won’t believe you, because in his eyes, there is only your deceit. Do you understand? But, as I watch you speak those words and do those things over and over, deep down, it truly chills my heart. Yet, I choose to say nothing; I can’t let anything influence my thoughts, disrupt my mindset, or interrupt my own life’s steps. I have to rely on my effort to move forward, step by step, to the very end. I want everyone to know that I’m not just a woman who only knows how to weep in someone else’s arms. I am capable of achieving the pinnacle of my life through my own efforts, even if his career arrives very, very late, even if success comes late—I am still very happy because that outcome is achieved through my own hands. I don’t need to rely on anyone else; that is the true success!
I don’t know what confusion you have these days, can’t understand what you discussed, what agreement you reached. You allowed me to stay in this home, but honestly, deep down, I only feel uneasy. I don’t understand what kind of reason made you give in to me to such an extent. Step by step to today, it has not been easy for me, but I have never given up. I know all my efforts have to be borne by myself; others will not take my efforts as their motivation. I am only watching others be more successful than I am; in those moments when others are happier than I am, deep down, I feel more anxious and more at the breaking point than anyone. Why can others reach their life’s peak while I cannot? Why can others stand on their career with happiness and laughter, while I can only hide and weep alone—why?
When I see many women only grieving and crying in their husband’s arms, unwilling to stand up for themselves or look toward the future, and unwilling to work hard to make their tomorrow better, looking at that kind of life, I am afraid. I do not want to become such a person.
If one day I become that kind of person, currently, I would despise myself, and so would you, this family—all of them would look down on such a life, such a woman. Everyone in this family only respects those who work hard to achieve their goals, not those who hide behind others to cry, to pout, using others as a shield. You know better than anyone that such a life is not what I want. The prouder I live in this life, the more arrogant I become, how could I possibly let such things happen to me? If, one day, those things do approach me, I will also prevent them from happening. If they are truly unavoidable, I can only face them calmly. But if that day really comes, perhaps this matter will shatter me, and I will become a broken person."
Zhang Zhentian suddenly realized that his wife’s emotions were a bit off. How could she suddenly know so much? Did she know all these things, or did she arrange someone close to him to monitor, or could his son or grandson have told her?
"Don’t look at me; I didn’t tell my mother anything, Dad. You should know that these days I’ve been here with my wife, and we’ve been discussing things together. You were also here—you never saw me leave you, so don’t blame me for this. You should think about whether my mother was ever beside you when you’re speaking, hearing everything we said?"
"Zhang Zhentian, do you know that the happiest thing in my life was meeting a man like you who loved me so sincerely for so long? You never despised my background, always stood in front of me protecting me; do you know how grateful I am to you? But this is gratitude, not love. No matter how much you do for me, I cannot let go of my former prejudices about you. I kept telling myself step by step, as long as I am happy, as long as you are happy, I can compromise and stay by your side for a lifetime, never leaving. But I really can’t do it anymore; I am about to collapse because, in your eyes, no matter what I do, I am nothing. At the end of the day, I am just a foolish sweet girl who cares about others recklessly, only to end up hurt in the end.
When I hear you say these words, I am nearly going crazy, do you understand? Over and over, I stand in your shoes to think about problems—why do you have to doubt me with such an attitude, why discuss these things behind my back? If there’s something you’re unsatisfied with, you can come to me directly, say it to my face, and I can change. But I don’t want you to talk about me behind my back. Talking behind someone’s back is an act of a sneak. Have you ever considered that while you’re gossiping behind my back, deep inside, I might also be in pain, feel sad, or be upset? We are all adults now; it’s time we take responsibility and bear the consequences for our actions!"
