Knot me on ice, Captain(BL)-Chapter 168: Words I should have Said

Leo

The moment Miller walked out of the suite, I didn’t think twice before rushing after him even though I had planned not to. I just couldn’t let him walk away like that without explaining why I had said such mean words to him.

"Miller, wait..." I shouted as I ran to catch up with him.

He ignored me and headed straight for the elevator, but I got there first, stepping in front of the doors so he couldn’t press the button. "Don’t. Please listen to me, Miller," I begged.

Miller let out a groan but didn’t say anything. He just turned sharply and headed for the stairwell instead.

I followed right behind him, slamming the heavy door shut behind us.

"Miller, just talk to me!" I shouted.

He stopped on the landing between floors and spun around so fast I almost ran into him. "Talk to you? Now you want to talk?" He yelled, his voice echoing off the concrete walls.

"You’ve been hiding this huge fucking thing about yourself for months, Leo. An enigma? You let me believe we were fighting shit out when you were just waiting for me to prove I’d betray you."

"I wasn’t..." I started, but he cut me off.

"You thought I’d rat you out? That I’d expose you the second you told me?" He demanded, his eyes burning with hurt. "That’s what you really think of me? After everything?"

I swallowed hard. "Enigmas aren’t supposed to exist anymore. If anyone found out..."

"So you assumed I’d be the one to fuck you over?" Miller laughed bitterly, shaking his head. "God, you are so fucking selfish, Leo. You only ever think about yourself and your precious secrets. You never once considered how this would make me feel!"

The way he had said those words hit harder than I expected.

My throat tightened for a moment as I tried to find the right words to say, and when I finally did, I let it all out. "Fine! If you think that I am selfish, leave. Just leave!"

Miller stared at me for a long second, his chest rising and falling. Then he turned without another word and stormed down the stairs, his footsteps echoing until they faded completely and all that was left was silence.

I stood there alone for a moment, staring up at the fluorescent lights buzzing overhead. My hands were shaking.

I pulled off my glasses and rubbed my eyes roughly, trying to stop the sting that was building.

They were wet.

"Fuck," I muttered, dragging a hand over my blonde buzz cut, the short strands rough under my palm.

My chest felt too tight, like someone had cracked it open.

I hated this.

I hated how much it hurt.

"Goodness," I sighed as I walked up the stairs. I didn’t head back to Kayden’s room. Instead, I went straight to the small office the hospital had given me for the duration of my stay.

The moment I stepped inside and closed the door, the quiet hit me hard. I dropped into the chair behind the desk and rubbed my face with both hands.

Had I messed up everything? I thought.

A soft knock sounded. One of the younger nurses poked her head in, smiling shyly.

"Dr. Ackerman? Are you going to be staying at Langose Hospital for a long time?"

I shook my head, not even looking up properly. "No. I’m just here taking care of one patient. Once he’s discharged, I’m leaving."

She hesitated, then added hopefully, "Ah... well, if you have some free time before then, I’d really love to take you to dinner sometime."

I let out a tired breath and shook my head again. "No, thank you. I appreciate it, but I can’t. I actually have someone I am dating."

The words tasted bitter the second they left my mouth. I didn’t say Miller’s name, but the moment I said "someone," my chest tightened again.

The nurse nodded awkwardly and left, closing the door behind her.

Alone again, I leaned back in the chair and rubbed my eyes hard.

My mind kept drifting back to the stairwell — to the way Miller had looked at me like I’d stabbed him in the back. The memory of his voice replayed on loop.

"You’re so fucking selfish, Leo. You only ever think about yourself..."

I dragged a hand over my blonde buzz cut again.

Why hadn’t I just told him?

Deep down, I knew the answer. I was terrified that the moment I admitted I was an enigma, he’d look at me differently. That he’d tell someone. That an alpha like him would never accept being dominated by someone like me.

The words kept echoing in my head.

Selfish.

You only think about yourself.

"No!" I shouted as I couldn’t take it anymore. I pulled out my phone and called Miller.

It rang. Once. Twice. And then it went straight to voicemail.

I called again. And again. And again.

No answer.

Frustrated, I opened Instagram. My thumb scrolled until I found his profile. The latest post made my stomach drop. Miller had posted a blurry, moody shot of an empty hotel hallway with the caption:

"Sometimes trust is heavier than you think."

My throat tightened as I stared at the image for a long time before trying to call him again.

Still nothing.

"Pick up, you idiot..." I muttered under my breath.

When the calls kept going unanswered, I grabbed my coat and left the office. The avalanche team was staying at a nearby hotel, so I drove there, and throughout the ride, my grip tightened on the steering wheel the entire way.

When I got to the hotel, I didn’t need to ask because they already knew who I was. I just headed straight up to the team’s floor and knocked on his door.

I got no answer.

I knocked harder. Still, there was nothing.

Miller wasn’t there or didn’t want to answer me.

I stood in the empty hallway for a long moment, phone in hand, staring at the unanswered calls and that sad Instagram post.

I waited outside Miller’s hotel room for hours.

I sat on the floor with my back against the wall, calling him over and over.

Every single ring went straight to voicemail. The longer it went on, the heavier the silence felt. My phone screen keep lighting up with the same disappointing result — no answer.

Eventually, after a few minutes, footsteps came down the hallway. I quickly pushed myself up and tried to look composed, thinking it was him, but it was Luca.

He slowed when he saw me, his eyebrows raised in concern.

"Leo... you good, man? What are you doing here?"

I forced out a weak chuckle and rubbed the back of my neck. "Yeah, I’m fine. Just... waiting for someone."

Luca gave me a knowing look and shook his head. "It’s okay. I know about you two. The sneaking around, the secret shit... I’ve known for a while."

I let out a tired laugh that didn’t sound convincing even to me. "That obvious, huh?"

"A little," he said gently. "You are looking for Miller, right?"

My stomach dropped at the mention of the name. "You saw him?"

"Yeah. Earlier tonight. He left with his luggage. Said he was heading back to Oak City."

"He... he left?" I muttered, the words barely audible.

Luca nodded, sympathy clear on his face. "Yeah. Sorry, man. I thought you knew."

"Thanks," I managed before rushing out of the hotel.

The second I got into my car, everything crashed down on me. I let out a deep, shaky sigh and slammed my fist into the steering wheel — once, twice, over and over until my knuckles burned.

"Fuck... fuck this."

I grabbed my phone with trembling hands, opened the voice recorder, and hit record. For a few seconds I just stared at the screen, trying to find the right words.

"Miller... It’s me. Leo."

I swallowed hard, my voice already rough.

"I know you probably don’t want to hear from me right now, but I need to say this. I’m sorry. I should’ve told you about the enigma thing a long time ago. From the very beginning. I was scared shitless. Scared that the second I admitted what I am, you’d look at me like I was some kind of freak... or that you’d tell someone and it would blow up in my face. Enigmas aren’t supposed to exist anymore. We’re myths. Mistakes, as I have been told. I’ve spent years hiding it, and I thought... I thought if I kept it from you, it would keep things simple. Keep us safe."

I paused, rubbing my eyes with the heel of my hand.

"I hid it because I didn’t think we’d last. I figured this thing between us was just temporary — some heat, some fun, nothing serious. So why complicate it with the truth? Why risk it? But then... all those moments started adding up. Every late-night talk, every time you looked at me like I mattered, every stupid joke we shared, every time you touched me like you actually cared... I realized how much I like you. How much I care about you. It hurts, Miller. It actually fucking hurts when I think about losing you."

My voice cracked, and I had to take a breath before continuing.

"I was selfish. I only thought about protecting myself and my secret instead of trusting you. Instead of giving you the chance to prove me wrong. That was unfair. You didn’t deserve that."

I leaned my forehead against the steering wheel for a second, my eyes stinging with tears.

"I realized tonight that I’ve fallen in love with you. Which is insane, right? Someone like me — someone who doesn’t usually give a fuck about anyone or anything — has fallen this hard for you. I didn’t see it coming. But it’s there. And it scares the hell out of me."

I stopped the recording, staring at the file for a long moment before sending it to him.

Then I just sat there in the dark car, breathing heavily, hoping that he would at least listen to my recording.