I Only Choked on Noodles, Why Am I Here?! [BL]-Chapter 30 – Standards, Mortals, and Hot Potatoes
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Han Yan’s throat tightened. He had never once heard his sister mention this so-called Upper Realm, yet here was a small, seemingly ordinary creature claiming to have once been a unique and extraordinarily powerful spirit beast there.
He stared at it in disbelief, his mind spinning. How could such a tiny, fluff-covered cat bald in places, no less possibly have any connection to a place so vast and unimaginable that he could barely believe it existed? At this rate, the plot wasn’t even plotting anymore.
He could only sigh inwardly, feeling the familiar sting of transmigrator regret. Every time he tried to make sense of this novel world, reality slapped him squarely in the face and it hurt more than he cared to admit. Was he really supposed to... just accept all of this as normal?
Han Yan rubbed his already sore temples, feeling like a father fretting over a wayward son. Of course none of this made sense why would it? After all, he was trapped inside a plot-filled novel, and logic seemed to have taken a permanent vacation. He almost envied it.
The wind rustled through the leaves, and the cat’s words hung heavily in the air. Han Yan’s eyes followed the gentle sway of the branches, but his thoughts raced faster than ever.
Fool’s luck? Of course it was. Why wouldn’t he randomly meet a unique magical cat no, a spirit beast on some mountain with a strange occurrence for it to appear? Well, technically a village mountain... but the point was, how was he supposed to think any of this was normal?
The black cat looked at him once more, its gaze sharp but not unkind, completely unaware that Han Yan’s thoughts were already in chaos.
"Now you understand, mere mortal. I am a fallen sovereign of the Upper Realm, and you, by sheer fool’s luck, have met me."
After a long pause, Han Yan finally found his lost voice.
"Alright," he said, forcing a tone of resignation and calm. "Since you’ve shared your... um, dark past which I’m very grateful for what exactly do you want me to do? But I’ll be honest... I still don’t feel like bringing a hot potato like you home."
The black cat’s ears flattened, its tail lashing sharply back and forth. Its eyes narrowed, glowing with dangerous intensity.
It was clearly not pleased not in the slightest.
"After this great ancestor tells you of my glorious past, you dare call me a mere hot potato?" the black cat hissed, its voice dripping with pride and disdain.
"Do you have any idea who you are mocking? I am no ordinary spirit beast! I am a sovereign of the Upper Realm legendary, unmatched, feared by all who dwelled there! And yet you dare insult me as if I were some common nuisance you see every day!"
Its fur bristled as it circled Han Yan like a predator assessing prey.
Its eyes glowed with an almost unearthly light, every movement exuding the arrogance of a being that had once ruled the skies.
Han Yan gulped and raised his hands slightly, trying to look non-threatening.
"I—I didn’t mean it seriously. But how do you expect me to explain this to anyone if I take you home?"
The cat paused, tilting its head thoughtfully, before letting out a soft, condescending purr.
"Hmph. You worry too much. I will speak only to you and to others only if I feel like it."
It flicked its tail lazily.
"So what excuses do you have now, mere mortal? Either way, I will follow you. And you... you are mine to observe, whether you like it or not."
Han Yan’s tall figure froze, his eyes widening in horror at the phrasing.
"Wait—what do you mean by ’you are mine to observe’? Me? No, no, no," he stammered, taking a hurried step back. "I’m married. I’m not interested. Please don’t say things that sound... ambiguous. Someone might misunderstand!"
The black cat, half-understanding his words, let out a sharp, indignant hiss, its fur puffing up like an explosive ball of outrage.
"Ambi—ambiguous?" it snapped clumsily. "Misunderstand?! You foolish mortal! Do not flatter yourself! This great ancestor has zero interest in your fragile mortal romances!"
"When I say observe, I mean to oversee and monitor your actions so that you do not embarrass me with your great stupidity!"
It flicked its tail with exaggerated disdain.
"Romantic interest? In you? Impossible. Absolutely impossible. Do not insult my standards! Do you think a sovereign of the Upper Realm would stoop so low?"
It scoffed.
"I have battled storms, commanded legions, and walked among legends do you truly believe your feeble human charms could tempt me?"
Han Yan’s lip twitched as disbelief crossed his face.
"Hold on... you have standards?"
The black cat’s eyes narrowed, its tail flicking with imperious elegance.
"Standards, mortal? Of course I have standards! Do you think a sovereign of the Upper Realm would settle for mediocrity?"
It paused briefly.
"Even in this... humble form, my expectations remain unmatched. You would do well to remember that!"
Han Yan nodded seriously, feeling like a student trapped in a never-ending lecture that had nothing to do with him. His eyes followed the cat’s every movement as he pretended to grasp the gravity of its words.
Inwardly, his thoughts spun in dizzy circles, wondering how his life had descended into such absurdity.
He immediately regretted speaking at all. Words once uttered were like spilled water impossible to retrieve.
Still, curiosity weighed heavily on his heart, and in the end, he could only release a helpless sigh.
The cat sneered.
"Why should this great ancestor bother explaining matters to a foolish mortal like you? My wisdom is far beyond your comprehension. Even a single fragment would overwhelm your feeble mind."
With that, it leapt lightly onto the black panther’s head.
"Oi, mere mortal, do you not have something you should be attending to?" it snapped, tail flicking impatiently.
"Move along. This great ancestor has already wasted enough time indulging in idle chatter."
It lifted its chin in lofty disdain, giving a restrained cough.
"Ahem. This ancestor has decided to accompany you back not because I require your help, of course, but because your dwelling appears... barely passable."
The cat shot him a sharp glance, eyes gleaming with authority.
"Do not misunderstand. This is a matter of urgency. This ancestor is hungry. Severely so."
It narrowed its eyes.
"Should you delay any longer and allow this ancestor to starve, you will bear the consequences."
Han Yan’s eyes snapped open. The sunlight streaming through the thin canopy of trees told him it was already midday. His heart skipped a beat as he remembered why he had come here in the first place. Lin Xin and Dong Hai were at home, waiting for him. He had no idea how long he had been arguing with a talking cat, but he knew he was losing time.
He looked up at the black cat perched regally on the back of the black panther, tail swishing lazily, as though the world revolved around it.
"Hey," he called, careful not to startle the cat. "Did you... happen to see a white flower around these mountains? Or know of any place nearby where I could find one?"
Han Yan added quickly, "It’s small, with pure white petals and a golden center. The stem is thin but sturdy, with tiny silver-green leaves. Its scent is light and sweet, like spring in the air. Nothing fancy, just simple and unremarkable."
The cat’s ears twitched, and it turned its gaze to him, eyes narrowing in a combination of curiosity and mild irritation. "A white flower, you say? And you expect me, this ancestor, to concern myself with trivial blossoms?" It flicked its tail, clearly not impressed with the sudden question.
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