I Faked My Death—Now I Have to Tame the Crazy Men I Left Behind-Chapter 80 - 78: Suicide Note

Hayes Hughes, as Mia Grant’s nominal older brother, retrieved her ashes after speaking with the police.

They found Hayes Hughes out on that familiar sea.

Hayes was slightly stunned to see the two brothers. Then he smiled and said, "I remember you two. You were our Mia’s classmates, weren’t you?"

"What are you doing?" Ian Sinclair sized him up, thinking the man seemed a little off.

Hayes Hughes said he was taking Mia Grant where she wanted to go.

Hayes was going to scatter her ashes into the sea.

’No! Absolutely not! This sea has already stolen her life; she can’t be trapped here!’

’She should be sleeping peacefully, waiting for a chance at reincarnation so she can meet me again.’

’...not be trapped in this deep sea forever.’

’The schools of fish will devour her free soul, just as they gnawed on her flesh.’

Felix Sinclair found it absurd and wanted to snatch the ashes back. He thought Ian would do the same—that his reaction should have been even more intense than his own.

But for some reason, after hearing Hayes Hughes’s words, Ian fell silent for a moment, then suddenly said, "I agree."

The hand Felix had stretched out froze in mid-air.

It was partly because the two of them had agreed so readily, and partly because of the ugly scars on his wrist, suddenly exposed to the sun when he reached out...

There were too many to count.

Some were shallow, fresh scratches. Others were deeper, still wrapped in gauze that was seeping with pinpricks of crimson.

He hastily yanked his sleeve down, hiding his wrist.

It was also in that instant that he suddenly understood.

’Thinking back, after I met Mia Grant, there were many things I came to understand in an instant.’

’No complicated problem-solving steps.’

Or perhaps it wasn’t that he understood, but that he had convinced himself.

Hayes Hughes said Mia Grant loved the sea.

’Then let her stay in this sea.’

’Anyway... anyway, I’m going with her.’

’Doesn’t matter where. Doesn’t matter where we go.’

’Anywhere is fine.’

’Wherever she is, I’ll follow.’

’The bottom of the sea, or someplace even more distant.’

’Even if I have to cross mountains and hike to the ends of the earth, I’ll keep my appointment with her.’

’I’ll stay quietly by her side.’

’I’ll tear away the seaweed that binds her and use my own body to draw the attention of the fish. She’ll be able to roam this deep sea, completely free.’

At this thought, he stepped forward and silently helped Hayes Hughes open the lid of the urn...

The direction of the wind that day, the angle of his hand each time he raised it to scatter the ashes—he had calculated every detail in his mind no less than ten times.

He remembered every detail, but he just couldn’t recall what he was thinking at that moment, when he watched the ashes slip through his fingers and scatter in the wind, as if she were disappearing from the world completely...

’Was it sadness?’

’Relief?’

’Or was I glad?’

Two hurried, choked sobs escaped the young man’s throat, startling Mia Grant from her contemplation.

"Felix Sinclair?" Mia Grant was at a loss. ’I just asked casually, and he started crying?’

’Can’t I even be subtle about it?’

’Can’t I mention it at all?’

"I was just asking. If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. Don’t be sad, don’t be sad. It’s all in the past!"

"Look at me... I didn’t die, right?"

Felix Sinclair, as if he couldn’t hear her, was breathing so rapidly that his chest heaved violently.

Mia Grant was afraid he would have another episode of respiratory alkalosis like last time in the classroom, so she quickly turned around in his arms.

The boy had his head down, his body curled up slightly, making it impossible to see his expression.

Mia didn’t dare to look, either. Her gaze flickered across his face for a split second before she quickly raised her arms and hugged him.

A face-to-face hug felt more secure than hugging from behind, and also more intimate.

They lay nestled together, their breaths intertwined.

But it did nothing to warm the air.

When she’d made Hayes Hughes cry before, she had felt a little excited. Now that it was Felix Sinclair’s turn, why was she so nervous?

’I feel like such a player.’

’I really want to soothe him by saying, "Don’t cry, I’ll buy you a bag. Not for them, just for you."’

Felix was immersed in his grief, unable to pull himself out.

He remembered that day, just as they were about to finish scattering the ashes, people from the Keller family arrived and surrounded them. It looked like they were about to start something.

But soon after, Silas Grant also rushed over and put a stop to everything.

He and Ian Sinclair left.

But they parted ways halfway there.

Ian said he had something to do, but he was hemming and hawing and couldn’t say what it was.

Felix didn’t care at all and went his separate way.

He returned home.

To the very apartment where he and Mia were living now.

Back then, he had secretly seen her application; she wanted to go to Jynsia U. So he had changed his choice of university as well.

He gave up his guaranteed admission spot.

His parents had immediately set him up with this apartment, not far from Jynsia U, just across the street.

That day, it was just like now.

He was lying on the bed.

On this very bed that he and Mia were lying on now.

Outside, a light rain began to fall. The thunder rumbled intermittently, and lightning pierced the clouds, illuminating a pool of blood on the floor.

His wrist hung limply over the side of the bed.

DRIP—

DRIP.

He couldn’t tell if it was the sound of the rain outside or something else falling.

He paid it no mind, simply staring at the lightning and thunder outside the window. His eyes were dull and empty, but the smile on his lips held a trace of release.

He slowly closed his eyes. As his consciousness faded, the only sound left was the dull roar of thunder, like the beating of a war drum.

Or maybe it was the sound of a door being broken down.

He couldn’t tell anymore. His eyelids grew heavier and heavier until they closed and wouldn’t open again.

’After tonight,’ he thought, ’I’ll be able to see her.’

Later that night, he ended up in the emergency room. He couldn’t remember the specifics of what happened.

He only remembered opening his eyes again to find the deepest gash on his wrist covered by thick gauze.

Looking around, he saw his family members sobbing.

And then there was the look from Ian—an expression too complex to put into words.

Ian seemed unable to understand his actions, just like Mia now. He didn’t know why Felix had done it.

’No, that’s not right.’ He thought of something and let out a small laugh.

Ian must have seen his suicide note. It was on his nightstand, a piece of paper neatly folded and disguised as scratch paper, covered with mathematical formulas on one side.

He had hastily found a piece of paper to write it on.

But his handwriting was neat, and the pressure of each stroke was heavy, as if trying to penetrate the paper and carve into the desk, leaving one last indelible mark on his life.

[Galileo said that mathematics is the language with which God has written the universe, the key to exploring its endless mysteries. I have always hoped to use this key well, to open a world that belongs only to me.

I know I must travel a long way to get there, or perhaps I might never reach that realm in my entire life. Thankfully, God has been gracious, and I believe I have now found a suitable resting place for myself.

Therefore, to my family, please be sure to sink my remains to the bottom of that stretch of open sea. I wish to sleep there forever and find the most perfect formula.

This last will and testament fully represents my true wishes. I implore you all to respect and carry it out.]

Signed: Felix Sinclair