I Can Talk to the Internal Organs-Chapter 134 - 109: The One Who’s Sick Isn’t Her, It’s You
"Have you ever had the urge to die?"
Lu Jiu stared at Wang Mengfei, his words gentle.
As soon as these words were spoken, the father and daughter widened their eyes and looked at him, their faces undoubtedly filled with disbelief.
Because his daughter was very resistant to her illness, Wang Dingxu didn’t initially tell Lu Jiu the specifics, only mentioning her poor physical condition. 𝓯𝙧𝙚𝒆𝙬𝙚𝒃𝙣𝙤𝒗𝓮𝓵.𝙘𝙤𝙢
As a result, Lu Jiu’s first question after taking her pulse was whether she had suicidal tendencies, which truly surprised Wang Dingxu.
"Am I showing it that obviously?" Wang Mengfei regained her composure, quietly gazing at Lu Jiu.
"No." Lu Jiu shook his head.
"Then how did you figure it out?" Wang Mengfei asked.
"Your body told me," Lu Jiu replied.
My body?
Wang Mengfei looked at Lu Jiu curiously, "Then can you tell what else it has told you?"
Lu Jiu said, "It tells me you often suffer from insomnia, have to rely on medication, don’t eat well, feel agitated, have racing thoughts, memory loss, and lack interest in everything."
"It also tells me you’re under a lot of stress; you want to rest, but you don’t want these negative emotions. However, the surrounding pressure forces you into this state; you’ve endured too long, so you’re trying to escape it all."
After listening to Lu Jiu, Wang Mengfei didn’t seem very surprised. Instead, she suddenly laughed.
"You’re quite right, but it’s useless. I’ve seen a psychologist, and depression can’t be cured."
Lu Jiu laughed too. In fact, from the moment Wang Mengfei entered, her entire demeanor exuded one word: defiance.
She wasn’t intentionally resisting Lu Jiu; she was consciously resisting everything, including her father.
"But what if I told you that you’re not actually depressed?" Lu Jiu remarked.
"Not?" Wang Mengfei frowned.
"You’re just under a lot of pressure leading to some insomnia. The so-called depression is merely caused by the medication you take; it’s not inherently your own issue. Why confine yourself to a disease label?" Lu Jiu explained.
"Caused by medication? Doctor, could you please elaborate?" Wang Mengfei requested.
Lu Jiu clenched his fists tightly together, "These two fists are like the heart’s old and new blood. When new blood replaces the old, these fists collide, forcing the old out with the new. But in that split second of collision, there’s a brief pause — we call it a drop of blood from the heart, or the mind."
"It’s similar to the high school physics experiment of two pendulum balls colliding. At impact, one ball momentarily stops — this pause is where the heart’s blood nourishes the mind. If the mind runs away, it leads to temporary restlessness."
"Say one day you’re startled, and the fast heart rate changes this pause point, causing the heart’s drop of blood to flee, leading to palpitations and distraction. If it cannot return, then insomnia occurs."
"Because your mind is wandering, it’s not in the heart at night but in the brain, leading to racing thoughts at night when you should sleep. Over time, the Five Viscera end up affected."
"Why is that? Insomnia means you can’t sleep, leading to all-night restlessness, first causing anxiety and inability to release emotions, affecting the heart, liver, and kidneys. Then irregular routine leads to unhealthy eating, affecting the Spleen and Stomach. What about the lungs? Anxiety saddens the lungs; chronic insomnia and stress drop your mood and cause undue worry. With excessive external pressure, eventually, the lungs get affected."
"If you use medication like sleeping pills to control insomnia, they suppress heart function to force sleep without ensuring the mind’s return to the heart. Over time, heart function diminishes, losing control over the mind, reducing the effectiveness of sleeping pills, doubling anxiety, escalating to so-called depression."
"When seeing a doctor, they mostly prescribe antidepressants. But do you know their side effects? Insomnia, delirium, tachycardia, etc. You find yourself in a treatment loop: sleeping pills for insomnia, antidepressants for depression, followed by more insomnia — a vicious cycle. In the end, those who can’t withstand depression eventually take that path — happily choosing suicide!"
Wang Mengfei listened calmly to everything Lu Jiu said. For some reason, she wasn’t scared at all, not even by the mention of suicide. Instead, she felt that Lu Jiu described exactly what she went through and wanted to execute, giving him an unexpectedly familiar feeling.
Because this doctor understood her!
"Dr. Lu, it can’t be this severe, right? I’ve seen people with depression, but not many of them commit suicide. Aren’t you exaggerating a bit?" Wang Dingxu couldn’t accept it after listening.
"How many depression patients have you met? How much do you know about them? Do you know their suffering?" Lu Jiu asked.
Faced with Lu Jiu’s series of questions, Wang Dingxu was at a loss for words.
He barely had time for others; managing his own daughter was already a challenge.
"But..."
Wang Dingxu still wanted to speak, but Lu Jiu interrupted, "Actually, in my opinion, she’s not the one who’s sick. You are."
"Me?" Wang Dingxu wondered.
"From the very beginning, her pressure came from you. I’m not wrong about that, am I?" Lu Jiu asked.
"What pressure did I give her? None," Wang Dingxu said, confused.
"No?" Lu Jiu looked at Wang Mengfei, "Tell me, what’s really causing your stress?"
Wang Mengfei looked at her father and slowly spoke, "He’s always pushing me to move to a big city, to broaden my horizons. Every time he calls, he tells me to climb the ladder, to get along well with my boss and colleagues. He never asks if I’m tired or stressed. Whenever I mention coming home, he scolds me and calls me a failure."
"I know he regrets not having a son. Otherwise, the dreams he didn’t fulfill in his youth could be completed by his son."
Wang Dingxu shook his head, "No, I never thought that, never."
Wang Mengfei said, "But that’s what you did."
"I..." Wang Dingxu looked at Wang Mengfei’s cold stare and was speechless for a moment.
Lu Jiu sighed as she watched the father and daughter.
Big city... see the world...
Indeed, many parents paint dreams of the outside world for their children, always hoping they can go to big cities and see the world, to become successful.
But does going to a big city mean seeing the world?
Enjoying art at the Jinling Imperial Palace is your horizon; a farmer sowing crops in the fields is his horizon. The one who truly hasn’t seen the world is the one criticizing the farmer for not understanding art and the farmer criticizing you for not understanding farming.
City children might see towering buildings everywhere, while rural children can see a sky full of stars. So-called horizons are merely one side of the world; who has truly seen more of the world?
Isn’t seeing the world about calmly accepting the diverse people and things in this world?
Does taking trips, going to big cities to develop, and eating exotic delicacies count as horizons, while strolling in the countryside and eating roadside snacks does not?
A teacher who never left the country can have a book sell globally and become a guide for proletarian struggle.
Zhuangzi never reached the universe but managed to create "Carefree Wanderings," a masterpiece of celestial literature passed down through generations, remembered by billions of Huaxia people.
The gap between people is never about whether they’ve seen the world, but whether they can see the heavens, see themselves, and see all beings through any aspect of the world.
"Mister, if I may ask, if she wants to live according to her wishes now, would you still interfere?" Lu Jiu asked.
Wang Dingxu was silent. He looked at Lu Jiu, then at Wang Mengfei. After a moment, he gritted his teeth, "As long as she can be well, anything is fine."
Lu Jiu nodded, then looked at Wang Mengfei, "I know merely counseling you is now meaningless. You probably understand many things yourself, but I still want to say, depression, anxiety, and panic are not signs of weakness; they just show you’ve tried to be strong for too long."
"It takes a lot of courage to struggle in a big city, whether you’re a man or a woman. We’re just ordinary people living in this world. Now, you can try not to force it anymore, not resisting everything or putting on a strong front. Live simply, try to let yourself go."
"If you can try to do these things, I will help adjust your bodily discomforts, and your so-called depression will completely recover. How about it?"
In fact, it’s hard to counsel someone with depression. When it erupts, it truly comes without warning, sometimes even unrelated to one’s mood. You might be happy one moment and inexplicably down the next, with negative emotions following in quick succession.
Severe cases often feel suffocated, a distress hard for outsiders to empathize with.
So, when you feel you have depression, it’s likely false. However, if you subconsciously feel sad and miserable, or even have self-destructive tendencies, then it’s likely true.
And the root of all depression begins with insomnia and worsens with medication.
Unfortunately, in the current medical environment, no one seeks a traditional Chinese medicine doctor for insomnia; they usually go to a hospital, entering a vicious cycle.
The better cases are constantly suppressed by medication, but not for long. In worse cases, unable to endure long-term suffering, they might choose to face death.
Lu Jiu actually sympathizes with these people. They’re often emotionally sensitive, always considering others, and constantly draining emotionally each day.
Because when interacting with others, they repeatedly rethink every word, every action, every gesture they make, wondering if they hurt the other at that time, and how to avoid it next time.
Meanwhile, unintentional hurt from others makes them replay the incident repeatedly, long after the other party has forgotten, it still lingers with them.
Such people won’t intentionally harm others, but these emotions can hurt themselves unconsciously.
If their personality has some obsessive traits, long-term insomnia might lead to potential depression.
In later stages, under the continual torment from medication side effects, they may exhibit mania, hysteria, but these are not their true intentions.
Yet in the eyes of others, they seem like lunatics.
Wang Mengfei’s current situation is still stable; at least medication still stabilizes her mood, and the side effects aren’t too severe.
This means there’s still hope for a cure.
"Really... can you?"
