How To Survive A Calamity-Chapter 195: Uncertain Variable
I stepped out of the clinic building with a lot to think about, and seemingly a lot more on my plate. A crutch aided my balance and movement on one side held in my right hand, while my bandaged left arm Hung from my neck, covered in a cast.
Finally after what seemed like so long, i once again stood under the clouds, the cleat blue sky seemed to spread to embrace me in a welcome. But for a moment, the warmth of it all was lost on me. I was currently occupied with lots of different thoughts concerning what the doctor said before leaving.
The Dungeon Incident was a couple of weeks behind everything now, but the ripples all seemed to spread and reach as far as possible, even this far ahead as now, and perhaps even more so later in the future.
In the end, it seems the cost i had to seemingly pay for my actions, almost as if judged by above for taking Nicodemus's life at that time were finally really begining to bloom.
"Not only is my left arm nearly completely almost useless, but it seems things are even more complicated."
For now, i decided to take a sit and managed to locate one of those wooden benches along the walkway leading away from the infirmary. Of course, i was intently told to head straight to my dorm for more resting, but i was currently too muddled. I felt the enclosed walls of my room would only just make me feel stuffy, rather than provide respite.
I needed fresh air, and i needed to sort out my thoughts. So i took a sit out in the open. It was still quite early in mid-day, barely afternoon evening. So the fields and surrounds were gingerly
crawling with Cadets from all over the place.
It was inevitable someone like me, worked up in bandages and using a crutch, would inevitably gather some attention. I could feel some sidelong gazes and sneaking glances directed at me from different sides. But it wasn't anything too bad. It shouldn't be that odd that someone like me would appear, this was currently the main walkway leading to and from the infirmary after all.
Regardless, i didn't have the mind to
regard or pay
attention to the gazes i was receiving and inhaled in deeply, exhaling a sigh just as equally. As I did so, a tingling feeling of déjà vu washed across me, causing the edges of my lips to curl in a bitter, dry smile.
"Why does this all feel so familiar?"
Right.
It was just like the time after my First Evaluation. Back then i was in so much confusion and turmoil that i just...actually needed to sit down and breathe. That was also on a clear sky day like this one, with my head lowered just as dejectedly as it was now.
At some point before, Alexander had run off somewhere. He seemed reluctantly to leave me alone, at first, after being present to hear all what the doctor had to say. But it also didn't seem as Alexander had a say in whatever it was that he had to do and ultimately rushed off to attend it.
Strangely, for some reason, i felt even more dejected by that. It wasn't like i needed Alex or anything like that though. In fact, i even prefered he actually left, giving me some space and time to breathe finally.
I rested the crutch over the bench, just next to me and uttered to myself.
"Meta, analysis..."
Meta's synthetic voice came promptly, resounding artificially in my head.
[Everything up until you're forceful Advancement that was talked about is true. You successfully finally succeeded in rising from Mortal Rank to Eta Rank despite the condition your physical body might have been at that time.]
My smile became even more hollow, my gaze casting downwards more despondently.
'You say successfully succeeded like I didn't almost die or something.'
What was with me and being on the brink of death each time i Rank-up?
Ah, at least, i couldn't remember the pain this time around, since i was unconscious. Or was the pain terrible enough to make me pass out instead...?
Meta's voice came again, the nonchalance in her tone seemingly giving the impression that she was shrugging. [The back lash was all within the margin of expectations.]
The side of my face twitched. I could never get used to how little regard Meta appointed to my life as an actual person rather than a means to an end..
But in the end, wasn't I just exactly that though? I still didn't know who was behind the system, if any, and neither do i have any idea being what Meta's true purpose was by getting me stronger.
I really was no less than a means to an ends in that regard.
'You make it seem like none of this has anything to do with you, but if my potential really has been all but exhausted, how else am i supposed to get stronger and accomplish the quest?'
[Like i said, the cause and effect of your latest breakthrough was well within the margin of expectations. Nothing in the grand scheme of things has been affected.] Meta's voice was as deadpan and cold as always.
It felt like i was being described as a cog in a wheel or machine...
Oblivious, or perhaps, indifferent to my thoughts and feelings, Meta continued.
[If anything, your nascent existence as a 'Variable' in all this makes it all almost negligent to ignore every other external factors surrounding you. If it is about the matter of the current state of your Vessel, then yes that is a fact, for now. But if its about the aspect of hitting a finite wall in your talent and potential, then all of that doesn't matter.]
Meta inputted, the synthetic deadpan voice growing colder. Her next words making me shudder inexplicable, feeling the whole weight of inevitability and despair, as if locked on all sides, pressure on my shoulders.
I wasn't sure wether to feel relief or cold by what Meta said.
[Victor, your entire life in and of itself up until now is an embodiment of various controlled variables that define you outside of what is the norm.]
[Your reincarnation, your transmigration into this world. Your integration with the system. Even just having me. Awakened are sporadic and unpredictable individuals, and you, Victor Bright, are the most uncertain of them all. What does a mere Second Evaluation hold against in return?]
