Help! I Became A Guy In A BL Novel!-Chapter 268: Fight

[TW: self harm]

"Clean yourself up. And if I ever catch you wandering around again when I’ve told you not to..." He did not finish the sentence, but the implication was clear.

He turned and left without another look.

The sound of the door slamming shut echoed for what felt like forever.

Riven didn’t move.

His shoulders shook, and tears fell faster than he could control them. His small figure was shaking uncontrollably. He hugged himself tighter, knowing there was no one in his life to hug him and console him.

His sobs were muffled by his sleeves, teeth clenched tight to keep from making noise. If he cried too loudly, he knew someone would hear. He didn’t want that. Didn’t want to be seen. Didn’t want to be mocked again. Or punished.

All he wanted...

All he ever wanted...

Was a family.

Just...

Someone.

Someone who smiled when he entered the room.

Someone who told him he wasn’t a burden.

Someone who ruffled his hair or let him sit at their side without flinching.

Someone to hold his hand when he was scared.

Someone who would laugh with him, not at him.

Was it really too much to ask?

His throat ached from crying. His body was exhausted from holding it all in. But the ache in his chest was worse.

The scene changed again, Riven barely had the chance to breathe when more memories started to resurface.

Riven stood before the mirror, a flicker of light casting shadows across his face. It was two years after the memory that haunted him, two years since he had given up on hope, no one wanted him, that was the truth.

He was twelve now, and the boy staring back at him looked more like a ghost than a living being. His ears, pointed and twitching, and his tail, bushy and unruly, no one taught him how to keep his tail fluffy and clean. No one wanted to talk to him.

The words of his stepbrother Julius echoed in his mind, sharp and biting. "You’re just a pathetic half-wolf!" Julius had sneered, laughter spilling from his lips like poison. It stung more than any physical blow Riven had ever received—an insult that dug deep into the core of his being. He turned his head, trying to hide the ears that marked him as different, as an outcast.

But did not want to hide. Not anymore. He felt the weight of the knife in his hand, cold and heavy, he snuck out of his room and stole it from the kitchen. It glimmered under the light, a siren’s call promising solace from the pain that had become his constant companion. Riven’s heart raced as he raised it, trembling fingers gripping the handle, his breath hitching in his throat.

"This will set me free," he thought, the words spiralling through his mind. If he cut off his ears, his tail, maybe then he’d finally fit in. Maybe then his father wouldn’t look at him with disdain, wouldn’t see him as a reminder of everything he despised. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes as he closed them tightly, imagining a world where he belonged.

With a deep breath, he pressed the blade against his ear, the sharp edge biting into delicate flesh. It would be quick, he convinced himself. No more weakness. No more being a disappointment. But as he pushed down, a searing pain shot through him, making him flinch and drop the knife to the floor with a clang that shattered the silence.

Riven stumbled backwards, collapsing against the wall, his breath coming in ragged gasps. The tears that had threatened to spill now flowed freely, streaming down his cheeks as he clutched the ear he had just pierced. Blood was spilling out, covering his small hands. "You are so useless... Weak..." The words dripped from his lips, each syllable a dagger piercing his heart. They were the same words his father always used...

The mirror reflected the truth he despised, and he struggled to face it. "Worthless... Mutt." The names echoed in his mind, they refused to leave him alone.

He looked back at the knife, lying on the floor, shining menacingly. The thought of picking it up again sent a shiver down his spine. What if he did finish what he started? What if that pain ended the suffering? But he was afraid of pain... "So weak..." He muttered between the hiccups and sobs.

"You couldn’t even finish what you started," he whispered, choking on the bitterness of his own words. The shame wrapped around him like a heavy cloak, and he slumped against the wall, letting the despair wash over him like a wave.

He was drowning.

There was no water. No ocean. No waves crashing over his body. But he was drowning all the same.

The void had swallowed him whole.

The pain from the memory, the look in that man’s eyes, the sneer of disdain, the cruel words that tore through the air like daggers still rang in his ears. It wrapped around his chest like a vice, and now, he couldn’t breathe.

Air.

He needed air.

He gasped, but nothing filled his lungs.

His hands clawed at the emptiness—like he could tear through the darkness, peel it away like fabric, find some crack of light. Anything. He fought against it, flailing in the nothingness that pulled him deeper.

There was no sky. No ground. No walls. Just endless black.

"Help—"His voice didn’t echo.It didn’t even exist.

The more he fought, the tighter it became. The shadows crushed him, suffocating him slowly, as if the very void had a will of its own. And it whispered one message over and over again:

You are nothing.

You are unwanted.

You are alone.

"No... No, I’m not," Riven whispered hoarsely. He was definitely not alone. He was not like the original Riven, who would believe those lies. Those painful lies that could destroy a person. He was stronger... And he was going to fight back, for himself and the original Riven.

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