Help! Five Beast Alphas Want To Breed Me!!(BL)-Chapter 284: Too Much To Mourn
Zethar;
I push the door open in worry as I sense something is wrong with Elian. I should have knocked, but I’m too disturbed to.
The door pushes open, and I freeze when I find Elián standing near the bed, wth his shoulders hunched, eyes red, and fists clenched so tight his knuckles have gone white.
His gaze is fixed on the door I just walked through, and his eyes are glassy and unfocused, like he’s staring at something only he can see.
I see those white patterns glow and fade across his skin like a tidal wave, and I can tell he’s angry. Angry, but also broken.
I can see helplessness in his eyes, and the sight makes my chest tighten. I was right. Something is wrong with him... But what?
"Elián?" I whisper gently as the door shuts behind me, but he doesn’t respond.
I take two cautious steps inside, then three... My sandals pad gently against the ground as I move, and eventually, his gaze shifts from the door to me.
The moment he registers my presence, something in him gives out completely, and I watch him break.
He crumbles, and I rush to him. Catching him before he hits the floor.
He folds into my arms like his bones forgot how to hold him up, and a sob tears out of him so violently it steals my breath.
I hook an arm under his knees and scoop him up without thinking. I hold him against my chest protectively as if my embrace can protect him from whatever’s making him sad.
"Easy," I whisper, as I lower us onto the bed.
"I’ve got you," I add as I rest my back against the bed’s headboard.
Elián’s face is buried in my shoulder now, his small hands fisted in my shirt, and his body shaking like he’s been holding these tears in far too long.
Hearing him sob like this breaks something inside me, and I don’t know what breaks me more. His tears, or how deeply they twist something inside me.
I’ve never really been good with emotions, and I’ve always tried to avoid everything that has to do with them, yet here I am... His sobs are cracking something open inside me. Something I don’t like, and more than anything, I want to stop his crying. This sadness. I... I need to stop it.
"Elian... what is it? What happened? Talk to me..." I whisper as I gently rub his back, and he hiccups in my arms.
"I—I don’t know what to do," he chokes, and my brows crease.
"I don’t know how to help her." He adds, and my confusion grows.
I tighten my hold on him instinctively, with one of my hands moving up to gently cradle the back of his head, fingers sneaking softly into his hair.
"She needs my help, and I don’t know how to help her." He croaks further, and I take a deep breath.
"Slow down," I whisper against his hair, and I feel him try. Light, I feel him try to relax, but he fails woefully. Trembling like a shaken kitten in my arms.
"Breathe first," I instruct, but the breath he draws is shattered and weak.
Making his sobs grow harsher.
"I promised her Zethar," he cries.
"I call her my sister. Promised I’d protect her, and now I—I don’t even know what’s happening to her. She’s scared, Zethar. She flinched. She froze when I touched her. And then Asa came in and—" He begins but breaks down, and at the mention of Asa, my spine stiffens.
I feel something dark coil in my chest at the mere thought of her having anything to do with this state he’s in.
"Asa," I repeat, loathingly, and he nods against me.
"I think Alana is being blackmailed. Or threatened... Or something worse. I don’t know what Asa has on her, but it’s controlling her. I can see it. I feel it." He cries as he looks up at me, and I stare at his delicate face in silence.
His beautiful, worried red eyes and rosy nose.
Of course. Of course, that girl is the reason he’s crying.
"Why didn’t you tell me sooner?" I ask quietly as I carefully wipe his tears away, and his lips tremble.
"I didn’t know," he whispers shamefully, and my heart hates the guilt I see in his eyes.
"Not until recently. And... and she tried to tell me what was going on, but then—" His breath stutters.
"But then Asa came, and she was taken away from me... again." He whimpers, and I let out a breath as I pull him to myself.
I understand how he feels. He shouldn’t have to feel this way; it’s not right. He’s been through enough already. Alana means a lot to him, and the fact that he feels like a failure because he can’t help her enrages me.
"You’re not failing her, Elian," I say firmly, as I know what he’s thinking, and he laughs. A wet, broken, sarcastic laugh.
"It feels like I am." He replies, and it hits me. Hard.
Feeling like a disappointment is not a threshold I’m new to. It’s a dark, cold, lonely place I have dwelt most of my life, and now that I know he’s teetering towards it, I don’t know what to say.
If I could never talk myself out of feeling like a failure, how do I help someone else?
We just sit like this for a while. Elián shaking, me holding, and neither of us rushing the silence because almost anything could trigger him right back.
Right now isn’t the time to yap or give false encouragement. So, I’ll listen. I’ll just stay silent and listen when he’s ready to speak.
Till then, I hope my presence is grounding enough to anchor him.
"Sending her back to Gravemaw..." He finally speaks, and I find myself exhaling in relief, as I didn’t know how to break that silence.
"Sending her back is what Asa wants. I can feel it. I want to be stubborn and keep her here. But... what if keeping her here hurts her more?" He whispers, and I stare at the wall ahead of us, jaw tight.
"That’s a wise question," I admit. "And the worst kind to answer," I add, and he looks back up at me.
"If Asa wants Alana gone or not," I continue,
"Sending Alana away removes her from Asa’s reach... But if Asa has leverage that can travel with Alana—" I exhale slowly.
"Then distance won’t save her," I conclude honestly, and Elián’s fingers tighten further in my robe.
"So what do we do?" he croaks, and I swallow.
"I don’t know yet," I answer honestly.
"But I know one thing,"I add, and he waits. 𝓯𝙧𝙚𝒆𝙬𝙚𝒃𝙣𝙤𝒗𝓮𝓵.𝙘𝙤𝙢
"We have to keep a close eye on Alana, and we can not trust that Asa girl. She gives me a bad feeling in my guts. She isn’t innocent, or sweet... or helpless. And whatever game she’s playing at, we can not let Alana be stuck in the crossfire." I speak my mind honestly without coating the truth for him, and his lips tremble further as he looks up at me. More tears escape his eyes
"I hate feeling like this." He confesses with his voice much smaller than it previously was.
"I know." I nod as I pat his back.
"I hate not being enough." He whimpers, and this time, I look down at him... Really look.
"You are enough," I say quietly, and he blinks up at me.
"You just can’t fight every battle alone," I add, and those innocent windows to his soul that he calls eyes stare at me in silence for a while.
"Will you fight with me then?" he asks timidly, with his voice barely there, and a bitter smile splits my face.
Always.
I don’t say it out loud, but my soul knows the answer.
Not just with him, I would fight FOR him. Whatever it takes to keep him safe and guard his heart, I will do.
But instead of daring to confess this out, I nod.
"I’ll help you. With Alana. With whatever this is. I’ll always help you if you need me." I whisper, and his breath shudders.
"Thank you." He croaks, and my arms curl firmer around him as he once again leans against my chest.
We sit there then. In silence, until his body finally stops trembling and his weight settles more fully against me.
He smells like grief and fear and something softer beneath it...hope, maybe. Stubborn hope and trust refusing to die.
Then he lifts his head slightly again.
"I’m sorry," he whispers.
"For what?"
"For Maruck," he says softly, and my heart skips a beat.
"I can’t imagine what you felt when you lost him," He4 adds, and everything inside me stiffens.
The name lands heavily, but I smile. A small, wry smile.
"It’s okay," I whisper.
"I’m not new to loss." I confess as tears bite the back of my eyes, but I force them.
I force them back because I’m tired of crying over the things I’ve lost.
They’re too much to mourn.
