Help! Five Beast Alphas Want To Breed Me!!(BL)-Chapter 230: Tell Him

Elián

"How long have you known?" I question Elien in the silence of the room, and he hesitates.

"Since the night of the attack." He replies and my jaw drops.

"Why didn’t you tell me!? What if I did something stupid that harmed the baby!?" I rage, and he responds without missing a beat.

"I wouldn’t have let that happen!"

"Still! You should have told me!" I respond and he falls silent.

"How did you know?" I ask and the silence stretches.

"Elien!"

"On the night of the attack, you had used up all your energy to heal the others. You were weak. And I noticed in your weakness that there was something that usually drew strength from you, and it was no longer..." He begins but stops. 𝙛𝒓𝒆𝙚𝒘𝒆𝓫𝙣𝓸𝙫𝓮𝒍.𝒄𝒐𝓶

"In my attempts to heal you with my energy, I found there was also another part of you that needed help. I realised there was life growing in your womb and you were too weak to keep it alive, so instead I started channelling my energy to it. In fact, you’re currently still too weak. I’ve been giving my strength to the baby. If I leave you to do it. You’ll relapse again." He explains and I pause.

"I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want you to worry. Once you were strong enough to resume giving your strength, o was going to tell you." He adds, and my jaw drops.

For these many days? He’s been doing this for this many days??

"You’ve been... giving your strength... doesn’t that have repercussions??" I ask in worry, and he falls silent.

It does have repercussions!!

"Elien, what repercussions will this have!? Are you hurting?? Is that why you told me you weren’t feeling good that night? Why you’ve been more silent than usual!? Elián are you growing weak!?" I demand, but still he does not answer.

"Elien, you..." I begin, but I’m cut off by a soft knock.

I look over at the door, and Aunt Selthía’s voice follows.

"Elián?"

I sit up, and just then, she slowly opens the door.

She smiles as soon as she sees me, and then she walks into the room.

A jade green serpent suddenly materialises around her shoulders, coiling lazily like an ornament with fangs.

She smiles at the snake and back at me.

"Nammu. She’s the serpent of fruitfulness. She’s come to greet you." She says with a bright smile and I just watch the woman.

She has a way of carrying the entire kingdom like it’s nothing. Her strides are always graceful, quiet... but undeniably powerful.

She is an intimidating, beautiful woman, but yet, when her eyes land on me, all I see is warmth...

"You’re glowing." She commends as she gets to the bed and sits at the edge of it.

"It’s the heat," I reply flatly, and she scoffs.

"It’s not the heat," she counters.

"It’s a mommy glow. An introduction gift some children give their mothers." She says, and I raise a brow.

"Mommy? Can I be called that? Isn’t... being a mother... only for women?" I ask, feeling sad all of a sudden, and she smiles at me. While the snake slithers off her, over the bed, and then into my lap, wrapping loosely around my tummy, and resting its head on my stomach.

Queen Selthía smirks at the snake and the up at me.

"She doesn’t bite. She’s blessing you." She informs, and I try my best to relax.

"About being a mother... let’s say... A man loses his wife... and he has to tend to and care for his children alone. He bathes them in the morning, cooks their dinner, dresses them up, cleans up after them, teaches them how to hunt, and survive... He’s always there when they’re hurt, when they’re sick... he is firm when he needs to put his foot down, and soft enough to give cuddles when they’re sad, me scared of thunderstorms..." She begins, and I listen in silence.

"Wouldn’t you say He’s being both a Mother and a Father to his children?" She then asks, and I nod slowly, causing her to smile.

"How much more a man who carried them in his womb, gave birth to them, and breastfed them till they were old enough to chew?" She whispers as she leans closer and places a hand on mine, causing me to pause in excitement.

"So I can be a mother??" I ask and she chuckles.

"Of course darling. Motherhood is not a tag claimed by any particular group of people. Some men make better mothers than some women." She replies, and I smile shyly before looking away, and she chuckles again before shifting closer to me.

"So? How does it feel? Knowing you’re about to become a mom?" She questions, and I pause.

"It feels..." I begin as my hand drifts to my stomach without and I start remembering. The dreams... what Elien just said about my baby almost dying cause I had no energy to give.

How careless I had been that night, not knowing I was pregnant...

"...terrifying," I whisper as I look back at her and I only know I’m about to cry because years blur my vision.

"Elián. Fear is okay... but it shouldn’t be all you feel. You’re allowed to be happy. This is wonderful news." She says, and I sigh.

"I am happy," I whisper.

"I’m so happy it scares me," I confess and her smile doesn’t falter as she gently takes my hands in hers.

"Are you afraid of telling the father?" She questions, and my stomach twists while the warmth in my chest turns cold.

"No... but I don’t want to tell him." I croak, and she blinks.

"Why not?" She asks with confusion being the first ever expression I can clearly read on her face.

Her confusion is genuine, and for a moment, I wish I could give her an easy answer. A simple one. But nothing about this is simple.

"I... I don’t want to tell him yet." I add, and she raises a brow.

"Elián." She calls in a tone that carries a warning. "He deserves to know." She says, defending Koda even though she doesn’t know who he is.

"I know," I reply honestly and she gives me a look.

The snake wrapped around my torso hisses softly at me as if also asking me to explain myself, and I sigh.

"Aunt Selthía I’ve never... I’ve never done this. I’ve never been pregnant before. I don’t know what’s normal. What’s dangerous.... What isn’t... And what if..." I begin, but stop as the thought alone twists something in my heart and throat.

"What if something happens to the baby? What if it doesn’t hold? What if I tell him and he..."

Breaks...

Koda is strong enough to break mountains for me... for the people he cares about... but this?

With all that has happened. He’s probably trying to help Queen Cassia put Gravemaw back together. Telling him I’m pregnant when it’s still so early is selfish.

I know that man. He’d be here the very next moment after receiving the news. And then, what happens to Gravemaw??

I saw the state of the place when I was leaving. Queen Cassia can’t handle all that alone. Right now... she and Gravemaw need him more than I do.

I mean... I want Koda here. I want to tell him I’m finally pregnant. I want to tell him to bring Seun along so we can start planning our kids wedding in the future... if Seun and Anwil survived that night...

Aunt Selthía sighs, pulling me out of my thoughts, and for a moment she simply looks at me, with worry and concern plain in her eyes.

"Elián... fear doesn’t protect anyone. Not you, not the baby, and certainly not him."

"I’m not hiding it out of fear," I whisper miserably to her.

"I’m hiding it because I don’t want to hurt him," I add, and she stares at me so long that it begins to feel like she’s reading every breath I take, every tremor in my voice.

Then, slowly, she leaned back.

"If this is truly what you believe is right," she says carefully,

"Then I’ll support you. Even if I disagree." She adds, and relief washes through me, fragile but real.

"When will you tell him?" she asks softly, and I smile at her. Grateful that she doesn’t push me to do it immediately.

"When I feel it’s safe," I speak.

"When the baby is strong enough. When I’m sure it’s staying... I’ll tell him then." I add, and she doesn’t rgue after that.

She simply squeezes my hand and stands up, and on cue, the snake unwraps from me and slithers over to her.

Curling around her arm and staying there like some ornament.

"Then trust yourself," she says softly.

"And rest. You look like you’re thinking for a kingdom." She adds, and I chuckle.

"It feels like it," I reply, and she laughs as she turns around to leave.

Her laugh lingers even after she’s left, and then I’m all alone. Back in the silence.

And no matter how hard I try to go back to my previous conversation with Elien, he doesn’t respond.

*******

My mind travels back to Gravemaw. Bouncing restlessly from memory to memory. From Koda’s hands, his voice, his impossible, infuriating tenderness... his everything.

My chest aches for him. I miss him so much I’ve cried so many silent tears, my pillow is soaked.

I sniffle once again and just as I’m finally drifting to sleep, a soft tapping comes from the window, causing my eyes to fly open.

I stare at the window, and there I see a small bird with some kind of leather contraption strapped to...

Is that a message Raven!?

I scrambled out of bed and over to the window im anticipation. Could Koda have written me a letter!?

I pull the window open, and the raven hops inside, shaking its feathers and offering its leg. My heart thuds as I untie the scroll strapped to it, and my breath hitches when I see beautiful, bold curves of ink.

Koda’s handwriting. I know it cause I’ve seen him write for Queen Cassia many times...

I walk over to the bed with my hand trembling in excitement, anticipation, and fear...

It feels so good to hear from... but I don’t know the content of the letter and the numerous possibilities scare me.

I sit on the bed and unroll it, holding my breath as I read.

~~~~

Elián,

I hope you’re well.

I hope you’re safe.

I hope Nagari is treating you kindly.

I’ve been thinking about you. More than usual. More than I can explain without sounding like I’m losing my mind.

I wish I could say goodbye before you left but things fell apart faster than I expected or would have hoped. I’m sorry. I should’ve been there when you were taken out of Gravemaw. I should’ve held you one last time.

I should’ve held your gaze at least one moment more.

Gravemaw needs rebuilding. The Sleuth needs me. Everything is unstable, and the moment I take one step away, we risk losing the progress we’ve managed to gather.

I want to come to you. The goddess knows I do. But I don’t know if it’s safe.

The witches and warlocks are watching every border, every shadow. If I travel, I might lead danger straight to you, and I can’t risk that.

I won’t.

Please understand.

I’m working very hard. I promise. I’m working fast, and consistently to rebuild Hrabemaw and fix everything so I can return to you.

I love you so much, and being away from you is torture. I will end soon. I’ll do my best to make sure of it. Our vows keep ringing in my mind. I’ll hold on to them till I see you again.

Tell me how you’re doing.

Tell me you’re all right.

Please tell me you’re not upset with me.

__Koda.

~~~~

By the time I reached the end, my vision had blurred.

I pressed the letter to my chest, breathing deeply...slowly... because something inside me is busy breaking and mending at once.

"Oh, Koda..." I breathe.

He sounds so stressed.

Worried.

Hurting...

Stretching himself thin for his kingdom.

And here I am holding a secret that belongs to him too.

I look down at my stomach, protective, and unsure.

"I can’t tell him yet," I whispered into the quiet.

"Not with all that he currently has to juggle," I add, and my baby seems to move... a sensation so light it could’ve been imagined, but it made my throat tighten.

"I promise," I add.

I look up at the raven waiting silently, patient as the night.

It wants my letter.

I get off the bed and carefully walk over to Zephan’s work table.

I sit in it and reach for a quill.

My dearest husband...