Help! Five Beast Alphas Want To Breed Me!!(BL)-Chapter 229: I’ve Lost Him

Rhydian;

My heart thrums in panic as I stare at Koda, who is unable to breathe.

This isn’t the kind of breathlessness that comes from running or fighting or shifting.

No... this is sharp and wild, like something trying to rip him apart from the inside. He’s been suffering this for the past few days, but this one is worse than any of the others I’ve seen him endure.

He is sitting hunched over on the edge of his bed in his hut, with his palms pressed against his knees. His gaze is on the ground, and every breath he takes sounds laboured.

He needed help, but he had forbidden me from telling anyone what’s happening. According to him, everyone is going through something right now, and he won’t add to their worry.

It’s almost like he needs to be somewhere else. His body is screaming it.

It is beginning to seem like being here in Gravemaw is a punishment to him.

I watch his massive frame tremble, and my nails dig into my palm. I’ve never seen my brother restless like this. Never seen him physically affected this much by anything...

"El... Elián..." he whispers under his breath, and my heart skips a beat.

That’s another thing that’s been happening. When he slips into these hazes, he keeps calling out for Elián. Again, and again.

I watch him wrap his arms around his torso as more sweat drips from his skin. He groans again, and I shut my eyes.

I’ve tried everything in my power to help him, but nothing has worked. I’ve even tried to use soothing pheromones, but that was just like a finger pushing against a massive sea wave. Pointless.

I’ve watched him long enough to know that this isn’t normal. It isn’t just missing someone. This isn’t simple longing for Elián.

It’s a pull.

A Bond-pull.

The pull, however, shouldn’t be this bad unless Elián is in imminent danger that he can sense. Which I know is not happening.

The only other reason for Koda’s pull to Elián to be this bad is if this is a parental pull.

But that is only possible if Elián is pregnant...

Could it be...

"Alpha Koda."

A voice cuts through the suffocating haze, and I stare at Rowan, who’s been standing beside me since this started.

Koda doesn’t look up immediately. I know he’s trying to hide the wildness in his eyes... the lack of control that neither of us can explain.

"Alpha Koda, you look like you’re about to shift. What’s going on?" Rowan asks as he steps closer cautiously.

Koda doesn’t answer.

How can he?

Words seem too small, too stupid to describe whatever storm is currently tearing through him.

Rowan places a steady hand on Koda’s shoulder, and I swallow. Watching Rowa do the things I have fruitlessly done before.

"What’s wrong, Alpha?" He pushes, and Koda finally looks up... slowly, with desperation raw in his eyes like a nasty injury.

"I need..." He breathes. "I need him."

"Master Elián?" Rowan questions in confusion, and Koda swallows hard.

"He needs me. Something... Rowan, something’s wrong. I can... I can feel him calling."

I don’t know how true that is. If Elián is truly calling him, or if his worry has simply taken on that face.

However, something inside Koda is indeed reaching... stretching... clawing toward Elián across kingdoms— Like an unseen string yanking him towards Elián.

"Hey." Rowan crouches in front of him, trying to catch his eyes. "Slow down. Talk to me, please. You’re scaring me." He pleads, and I swallow as I helplessly watch my brother struggle.

"I can’t breathe," Koda rasps, as his fingers dig into the skin of his chest, right over his heart.

"It feels like...like the air is wrong. Like I’m supposed to be somewhere. I should be with him." He adds, and Rowan’s brows knot in concern.

"Alpha Koda... this doesn’t sound like normal separation anxiety." He whispers.

"No shit!" Koda snaps, then immediately exhales shakily.

"Sorry. I just... fuck." He breathes as he drags a hand through his hair.

"Why do I feel like this? Why now?" He groans, and Rowan looks back at me.

I stare blankly at him because I’ve done all these things he’s doing, and it yields no result.

Koda will tell him how he feels, but we have no way of helping him unless we can somehow produce Elián for him.

"Tell me what it feels like," Rowan presses, and Koda looks up at me briefly.

"Like something needs me," He whispers, and I look away as his voice trembles.

"It feels like my body knows something my mind doesn’t." He adds, and my throat dries up.

I noticed he has marked Elián. Does it mean they’ve had... even if they have... does it mean Elián is pregnant??

"But Alpha Koda, this attack is worse than the others..." Roam begins, and Koda glares at him,

"It’s not an attack." He groans with his chest rising and falling too fast.

"Then what is this?" Rowan demands as he studies Koda carefully.

I know Koda hates how helpless he sounds when the words leave his mouth, but he doesn’t shy away from them,

"...It’s a pull. Something’s pulling me toward him." He replies, and Rowan’s brows shot up.

"A bond pull?"

"I don’t know!" Koda shouts, but then he winces because the volume hurts his own ears.

His eyes drop, and so does his voice.

"I don’t know. It’s like I’m supposed to be next to Elián right now." He confesses, and the room goes quiet. Rows looks back at me with eyes begging me to do something, and I sigh.

"Could Master Elián be in danger?" He asks me, and before I can answer, Koda speaks.

"No. Not danger. Not exactly." He says as his hand drifts to his lower stomach without him realising, and one of my eyebrows shoots up.

"Just... different. Something’s changed." He says, and Rowan looks at me again.

"I just want him," Koda whispers. "I want him here. Now." He adds, and I’ve had enough.

I let out a breath and pull myself off the wall. Tired of watching all this.

"Alright. We need answers. I don’t know what’s wrong with you, and I’m tired of watching you suffer. I’m going to Father. We either get answers from him, or he’ll ease your discomfort with his soothing pheromones." I speak, and just as I’m done, Koda shoots to his feet.

"NO!" He growls, and Rowan and Rhydian flinch at the sudden outburst.

"We’re not asking him. I don’t want him anywhere near me." He adds in a snarl, and my brows climb higher.

"Koda..." I begin, but he cuts me off.

"I said no," Koda growls.

"Father gives advice like poison. I don’t need him telling me what I should feel or what Elián should be. I don’t want him involved." He replies, but his reply isn’t convincing.

That’s not why he didn’t want Father involved. There’s been tension between him and Father. Father has barely left the castle since the incident. Something is going on, and Koda isn’t telling me.

"Then what do you want us to do?" Rowan asks with worry eating away at him, and Koda hesitates.

"I don’t know," he whispers.

"I just... I need to not feel like this." He adds, and I walk over to him slowly and place both hands on his shoulders... in an attempt to ground him.

"Listen to me. Whatever’s happening, you’re not alone. Okay?" I speak gently and swallow.

"It feels like my soul is trying to tear out of me," he admits. "It feels like... like someone lit fire to my blood." He croaks, and I stare at him in silence.

"Breathe with me," I whisper, and Koda looks into my eyes.

"Come on..." I urge, and he tires... he really does, but I can tell breathing doesn’t stop the ache. Or the pull. Or the sudden, overwhelming urge I know he feels to run out of this until he reaches Elián.

"Look... we don’t know what this is yet. But we’ll figure it out. Maybe Elián is just homesick, and the bond is echoing it. Maybe you’re reacting to..." I try to give logic to the situation.

Logic that is different from what I suspect, and Koda nods.

I watch him wrap his arms tighter around his stomach, and I close my eyes.

Why do I feel like Elián is pregnant?

Pregnant for Koda...

Why does the thought of that cause bitter jealousy to burst on my tongue!?

I should be happy for my brother. Happy for Father. Happy that Gravemaw finally has an heir, but... but I can’t bring myself to feel that happiness.

For fucks sake, the mere suspicion is chasing misery to twist and twirl in my chest.

If Elián is indeed pregnant for Koda... then I’ve lost him.

I’ve lost Elián. There’s no getting him back, no fixing things, no nothing.

Beyond the chaos, the baby, and my brothers... Elian will never see me again.

I’ve lost him.