Earning the Love of a Princess-Chapter 178: The First Sunset

"Sending you away would be like cutting off my sword arm." William squeezed her fingers and opened his eyes. Sadness filled them. "I’m afraid we’re bound to each other for the rest of our lives. I’m not sorry about it. I hope with time, you’ll grow to not be sorry about it either."

Camilla looked away. "I’m not. I mean, it’s not that I regret marrying you. It’s just...what if you wake up one morning and change your mind about everything? You can just end things and walk away. I have to accept whatever you decide, even if I don’t agree. That’s what marriage means when you’re a girl."

"You really think I’m that fickle?" he asked.

"Well, I didn’t think we’d stop speaking for weeks on end and we managed to prove me wrong, didn’t we?"

William groaned, looking pained. "I made a fucking mess of things. If it’s any consolation, I’ve been one unhappy bastard without you."

Camilla had to smile at his choice of words. She looked down at their entwined fingers and remembered the first months of their marriage, when they’d walk everywhere handclasped, whispering to each other and laughing about anything and everything. She ached for that easy, carefree joy again.

"Do you want to try again, try and be like we used to be?" he asked gruffly.

"Yes. Do you think it’s possible?"

"I think so, yes. We just have to do the best we can for each other, every day." William looked at her, then kissed the back of her hand. "Maybe in time, things will end up even better than before."

They locked eyes but were then interrupted by Malcolm, who had stopped feeding but suddenly hiccuped loudly.

William chuckled at the baby and Camilla found herself feeling shy around him, as she quickly pulled her nightgown closed. The vain side of her wished her husband wasn’t seeing her when she was such a sore, tired shell of a person.

She looked up at William, who was now staring at his son. "I’m scared." he murmured.

Camilla blinked in surprise. "Of what?"

"Of never being able to make you smile the way Malcolm does. And he doesn’t even have to try. All he did was hiccup." William confessed. "The love you have will go to him, not me."

She remembered what he’d shouted during their quarrel, accusing her of loving her baby more than him. As if it were that simple a choice - one person being ousted from her heart by another. As it were impossible to love more than one soul so fiercely.

At the time, she’d thought his words were as ridiculous as they were immature.

Now she realised how painful it would be for William, who had taught himself to give out his love so sparingly, to feel he was losing someone he cared about. First Richard, then his wife.

"You make me just as happy, but in a different way. I love you both for very different reasons." Camilla lightly traced the faint arches of Malcolm’s eyebrows. "And as he gets older, he’ll love us both in different ways, because he’ll need us for different things. In fact, he’ll probably love you more."

"Why do you think that?"

"You’ll be in charge of choosing his tutors, you’ll have him fitted for his first practice sword. You’ll be the one to teach him to ride and hunt and fight. You’ll be his hero, William. I’ll simply be his mother."

- - -

William let Camilla’s words slowly sink in, making him think of scenarios that had never even occurred to him.

He had never stopped to think that the little boy would grow up to love him and want to spend time with him. It was a completely foreign idea.

To teach my son to ride his first pony and to watch him try to aim arrows...all the things Father had no desire to do with me, William realised. Hell, the person who took the most interest in me was actually Camilla’s father.

And even that brief encounter had made an enormous difference to the lonely little boy he’d once been.

William smiled tentatively at his wife. "Perhaps it won’t be such a bad thing then, to be someone’s hero."

The two of them sat quietly side by side, watching as Malcolm eventually fell asleep. William placed the baby on his lap so that Camilla could rest a while. 𝐟𝐫𝕖𝗲𝘄𝚎𝗯𝕟𝐨𝕧𝐞𝚕.𝕔𝕠𝐦

Seeing her look so pale and exhausted, with her voice a weak whisper, terrified him.

She was his heart, the very air in his lungs. He had no trust that the new maids would look after her well.

As if on cue, a maid walked in while carrying a tray. The woman looked taken aback to see William on the bed, quickly arranging her previously grim expression into a brittle smile.

"Dinner, Your Highness." The tray was set down on Camilla’s lap. William glared in disbelief when he saw it contained only a bowl of foul smelling gruel.

"What the fuck is that?"

"Porridge made with bone broth and vinegar, to strengthen Her Grace’s body." the maid replied. "A new mother must eat this for a week after giving birth."

"That sounds vile. Surely you can’t expect anyone to survive off something so disgusting for a week." William scowled as he felt his stomach lurch. "Go down to the kitchens and have the cooks prepare a proper dinner, then bring it up here immediately. Actually, two dinners. I’ll eat here with my wife."

"But my lord! It’s the custom-"

"Are you defying me?" William’s voice dropped to a gentle, dangerous hum.

The maid’s eyes bulged with fear. "Not at all, my lord!" She hastily bowed and rushed out of the bedchamber. She and another maid returned a few minutes later carrying trays laden with hot food.

William shooed the maids away and gently placed the sleeping infant in the cradle. He then went about spooning dainty portions of various dishes onto a plate and handed it to Camilla. "I assume you’d prefer this over the vinegar and sludge?"

Camilla laughed as she balanced the plate on her lap. "I’ll be glad to never have to taste that porridge again."

William froze in the middle of filling his own plate. "What do you mean, again? She said you were expected to eat it for a week after giving birth."

Camilla looked away uncomfortably. "I was made to eat it for three weeks before Malcolm was born as well." she whispered.

William dropped the spoon he was holding in shock. "Oh lord, no. Please don’t tell me you had to survive off that revolting mess all that time."

"No, I was lucky. My ladies would sneak in other foods in here for me. Especially after dinner, because they knew I craved fruit but the midwives forbade me from eating it." Camilla looked at her hands as she twisted her rings nervously. "They berated me whenever they caught me, saying I was risking harm to my baby. But I was just so hungry."

William struggled to swallow what felt like a boulder in his throat, feeling like he might weep. His wife had suffered mistreatment at the hands of those who were supposed to be caring for her, and he’d had no idea.

And what made it worse was that he’d had no idea because he hadn’t bothered asking. He’d never visited her or even sent a goddamn note to ask how she was faring. She’d never sent him a message either, clearly not trusting him to help her.

I don’t even blame her for that, William thought in anguish. I gave her no reason to trust me.

"I’m truly sorry for all this, my love." William hung his head in shame.

"You couldn’t have known. There are just so many customs here around confinement and giving birth..." she rasped. "And I was scared of doing something wrong and hurting the baby. I felt I had to just do as I was told."

"But I would’ve have known if I’d been more present. I could’ve made those last few weeks a little easier for you." Remorse pressed down on his soul. "My duty is to protect you, yet I’ve failed you in so many ways. But if you forgive me, I swear I won’t fail you again."

Camilla’s eyes started to well up and she gingerly placed her hand on his cheek. "There’s no point punishing yourself for things you can’t change."

William slowly nodded, then placed his larger hand over hers. "Please eat now, before our food goes cold because we spent the evening crying together like children."

She gave him a watery smile before turning her attention back to her food.

They ate quietly. The maids returned to take away the remaining food and quickly left again, William’s iron stare telling them to make themselves scarce.

Very carefully, William lay his head in Camilla’s lap and smiled up at her, feeling almost shy. She smiled back and ran her fingers through his hair.

They watched the slowly setting sun cast an orange light into the room. "Strange to think that yesterday at this hour, there were only two of us. This is our first sunset as parents." William pressed the back of her hand to his lips.

Camilla’s smiled.