Earning the Love of a Princess-Chapter 177: Let Go

24 August, 1360. Westerhaven Palace, Islia

Camilla slowly opened her eyes following what felt like an incredibly deep sleep. The first thing she noticed was that her surroundings looked absurdly bright. She shut her eyes against the almost painful brightness. She realised she’d gotten used to her dark bedchamber during the last few weeks.

Squinting through her lashes again, she realised the tapestry hung over the window was no longer there and the drapes had been pulled open. Camilla looked in amazement at the sun streaming in. If she was no longer being forced to stay in the darkness, that must mean-

A rush of memories flooded back. Camilla remembered with a jolt that she’d given birth after what had felt like the longest night of her life. William had been at her side almost the entire time.

Queen Celia was right after all, she mused. He did end up coming back and begging for forgiveness.

Camilla was suddenly overwhelmed by the urge to see her son. She couldn’t recall when he’d been taken from her, but she needed to see his little face again and make sure he was alright.

And she definitely didn’t want to call out to one of the midwives for help. In fact, she didn’t want them anywhere near her child.

Glancing to the side, Camilla noticed the cradle had been positioned immediately to the right of the bed. She tried sitting up in excitement and instantly regretted it. Her back and belly muscles started to burn with such agony, it made her eyes well up. She uttered a little scream but it only came out as a hoarse whisper.

Taking a deep breath, Camilla eased herself very slowly to the far side of the bed so she could peer down into the cradle.

The tiny boy appeared to be dozing, swaddled in creamy linen and sucking on his little fist.

Camilla’s heart melted as she looked at his dainty features in fascination. How could a baby look so uncannily like his father? There was no trace of the Stephenson family line in him.

Except for his name.

She very carefully drew baby Malcolm into her arms and then slowly sat back in the bed, trying to ignore her screaming muscles.

As she leaned back against the bedhead, Camilla’s eyes widened at the completely unexpected sight of her husband.

William was curled up at the very end of the bed, fast asleep and with his hair covering his eyes. He was still wearing the crumpled blue shirt he’d been wearing earlier, during her labour.

Her heart warmed at the thought of him having stayed by her side.

The baby started to blink and make small snuffling sounds against her chest. Camilla looked down at him carefully, trying to soak in every last detail. His eyes were an an unusual green-grey, different to the bright, clear green of William’s eyes.

The baby then contorted his face and gave a little wail. Camilla wondered if he was hungry and tried to call out to see if the wet nurse was nearby.

Her voice was almost completely gone from all the screaming. Since she wasn’t supposed to leave the bedchamber yet, her only other option would be to wake William and ask him to help find the wet nurse.

Camilla was reluctant to wake him up, given how peaceful he looked. Instead, she unlaced the ribbon along the top of the nightgown she found herself wearing and gingerly brought the baby to her breast.

I have no idea how to do this, she thought nervously. What if I do something wrong? However, Malcolm’s instincts kicked in, even if Camilla’s didn’t, because he latched his little mouth around her immediately.

Camilla gasped and tensed at the uncomfortable pinch of the infant’s latch. After several moments, however, she started getting used to the sensation and relaxed a little. She stroked his velvety fair hair and smiled despite the discomfort. There was a strange, primal joy in watching her child feed from her own body.

After some time, Camilla moved Malcolm to her other breast. She watched the baby continue to swallow hungrily, wondering if a baby could be harmed by over feeding. She gently unlatched her little son and quickly regretted it.

Malcolm’s face scrunched up in outrage, an almost identical look to William when he was in a temper, and he started howling.

"Shhh! Alright, alright." Camilla whispered desperately as she drew his little mouth to her nipple again. The baby latched immediately with a contented snuffle. Camilla gritted her teeth at the pressure of his mouth and vowed to treat her wet nurse with extra kindness.

William had clearly heard Malcolm’s short but loud crying bout. He slowly pushed himself to a sitting position on the end of the bed and scrubbed his eyes with his sleeve.

Camilla noticed that the first place his gaze darted to was the cradle. When he saw it was empty, he stared at Camilla with wide, frightened eyes. "Where...?"

Camilla used one hand to point to the infant snuggled against her and William’s expression relaxed. He scooted up the bed to sit next to her. A look of surprise crossed his face when he saw the baby was feeding contentedly.

"Err...isn’t that what wet nurses are for?"

Camilla shrugged. "You were asleep and I didn’t want to send you off to look for her. It just seemed easier to feed him myself, especially since one of the midwives would probably slap me if she caught me out of bed." Her voice was a barely audible rasp.

William looked at her as if she might crack and crumble to dust at any moment. "Are you in pain? Should I ask Tession to prepare something...anything?"

"I’m just achy and tired." Camilla whispered. "I don’t even know how long I slept. What day is it?"

"The twenty fourth still. It’ll be time for dinner in a couple of hours or so." William yawned and leaned back against the bedhead. "Are you sure I can’t ask Tession for something on your behalf?"

Camilla shrugged. "I don’t want to go against what the midwives and new maids say. They’ve been berating me enough as it is."

William’s eyes flashed with anger. "Those bitches are to keep their distance from you. I’ll ask Tession to come visit you and prepare whatever he thinks is best. I’ll also make sure your usual maids take their posts again instead of the new ones. Even having the grumpy one back - Matilda, is it? - has to be better than the current crop?"

Camilla smiled, amazed she could think of Matilda and Louisa with genuine fondness, despite their nosy, busybody ways. "Won’t that cause trouble though? Pushing out the women who have been hired to serve me? I don’t want to seem like a troublemaker, or ungrateful."

"You won’t. I’ll tell everyone it’s my orders and they can rain down their complaints on me. You just focus on resting and getting better." William’s voice was firm.

Camilla nodded and looked down at Malcolm, running her fingers through his hair. 𝓯𝓻𝒆𝙚𝒘𝓮𝙗𝓷𝒐𝓿𝙚𝒍.𝙘𝓸𝙢

Is it mine?

She tensed when she remembered William asking her the question in cold fury. Then again, no one could look at the baby now and doubt his paternity.

Camilla tried to swallow her anger. If I keep dwelling on all the ways William wounded me these last few weeks, she told herself, I’ll never be able to speak to him again without yelling.

If he shows me that he’s truly sorry, then I have to do my best to slowly let go of my anger. Otherwise, what’s the point of agreeing to try again? If I can’t forgive, then we are lost.

"What’s wrong?" he asked, obviously seeing the shadow crossing her face.

"Nothing. I’m just tired." she tried to smile.

William looked at her for a moment and Camilla thought she’d deceived him. Then he asked quietly, "Is that why you’re looking at me with fear? Because you’re tired?"

Camilla sighed. "It’s just realising how...limited I am, especially with a child to think of. Legally, I own nothing, I have no power. Everything I’ve ever owned is yours. I’m as much of a pauper now as I was when my father died."

"No, it’s completely different now as my wife. Everything I have, I’d share with you. You know that, don’t you?" William swallowed and his voice grew a little louder. "Don’t you?"

Camilla nodded but couldn’t stop herself from adding, "Yes I know that, as long as I have your favour."

"That’s what you fear? Losing my favour?"

She smiled with dark humour. "These last few weeks, I was fairly sure I’d end up exiled to your most remote property."

William didn’t smile back. "Well, I’m sorry I made you feel like that would ever happen. I know I’ve been a terrible husband since I returned from the north."

"You never thought about it? When you were at your most angry?" Camilla was genuinely curious.

"Exiling you? No. Not once." He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, as if he couldn’t bring himself to say the words while looking at her. "Even when you make me fucking furious - and let me assure you, you’re done it more than once in the past - I know I’ll always want to keep you by my side. I’m a better man with you than without you."

She threaded her fingers through his, touched by his honesty.