Earning the Love of a Princess-Chapter 140: Between Fear and Joy

18 February, 1360. Westerhaven Palace, Islia

Camilla blinked her eyes sleepily, tempted to just sink back into the oblivion of sleep. She stretched her arm and patted the other side of the bed, only to find it cold and empty.

William had gotten into the habit of rising before her lately. The winter cold hadn’t made Camilla’s intentions of getting up at dawn especially easy, though. Neither had the exhaustion that had recently started to plague her days.

She sat up in bed and as soon as she did, a wave of nausea churned through her. Camilla winced, pressing the back of her hand to her lips until it slowly, slowly started to fade. Breathing deeply, she willed herself to wait out the queasiness.

The only good thing about William rising from bed so much earlier than her these days was that he was still completely oblivious to her struggles every morning for the last few weeks.

Camilla hadn’t told him yet. She was too scared. She placed a protective hand over her still flat belly, torn between fear and joy.

The two of them had never discussed children, though Camilla had always assumed children would inevitably arrive one day, as they did for most couples. Except...William had never expressed the slightest interest in a child. Not even for the practical reason of at least having an heir to eventually inherit his substantial wealth. The few times Camilla had tentatively broached the topic, he had immediately steered the conversation in another direction.

William’s difficult relationship with his own father lurked in the background, a shadow that was almost never discussed. He never said so directly, but Camilla believed he assumed having a child would mean repeating the same mistakes that his own father had made, especially with a son.

But it would be different with us, she tried to tell herself. We would raise a child with care and affection. How could William then avoid forming a bond with a little soul created from the love the two of them shared? For almost a month, Camilla had been trying to rationalise her fears.

Yet she still couldn’t bring herself to give William the news.

With a despondent sigh, she looked around their bedchamber. The fire roared in the fireplace, filling the room with cozy warmth. One of the maids had clearly already been in the room to stoke the fire and add fresh logs.

A stack of William’s paperwork sat on a table next to a crystal vase full of flowering heather stems, in shades of pink and creamy white.

William had brought the flowers into their room yesterday, to commemorate six months since their wedding. And what a happy six months they had been.

Camilla couldn’t recall another period in her life when she’d laughed so much, when she felt a rush of joy every morning before she’d even opened her eyes and remembered why.

Her new husband was great company. He was surprisingly witty and well read, enjoying reading historical volumes when he had spare time. He loathed samphire and mashed turnips, making a point of avoiding them at every mealtime. He preferred his wine sweet instead of crisp. He was fiercely competitive, was good at playing cards but rather prone to cheating, especially when the wager was often the chance to bed her yet again. He made her laugh constantly with his irreverent sense of humour.

The two of them often stayed awake late into the night, whispering and laughing about nothing in particular, just revelling in the joy of each other’s company. William’s appetite was voracious - not just for her body, but for knowledge about her. He seemed determined to discover everything there was to know about her, right down to the very last detail. Camilla was just as fascinated with him.

They were so happy together that a part of her was apprehensive about changing anything at all, for fear of upsetting the perfection they had found.

"There’s no other choice though." Camilla murmured to herself. Unless she had misread all the signs, there would be a baby to contend with at the end of summer. She smiled and patted her belly at the thought of a little golden haired cherub who resembled William.

She would tell him tonight, after the dinner banquet ended and they were alone again. She’d assuage any doubts he might have about raising a child and make him see that this was a stroke of good fortune, not something to fear.

He would be happy, she tried to convince herself.

- - -

Dinner was even more boisterous than usual. King Edward announced to the court the birth of a daughter to Prince James and Princess Blanche earlier that day, the couple’s third child after two sons. A special sweet dessert pudding was served out in honour of the new member of the Devon line, along with copious wine.

Camilla drank very sparingly, still unable to enjoy the cloying flavour much. William however, joined the drinking with enthusiasm. It gave Camilla a pang of hope in her heart to see him smilingly toast Blanche’s new daughter. She said as much to him when he pulled her onto the dance floor.

Amused, William rolled his eyes and quickly kissed her lips. "Oh, I couldn’t care less about that. If that’s what makes James and Blanche happy, so be it but I can’t imagine why a mere baby is considered a worthy cause for such celebration." He grinned down at her, already a little drunk. "I’m just making the most of the wine. It’s my favourite."

Camilla managed to smile back, though it cost her plenty of effort.

After a while longer, Camilla decided to retire for the night. She tried to push through the exhaustion that was making her mind foggy and her limbs heavy, but gave up. She whispered in William’s ear that she didn’t mind if he wanted to stay on without her, but he decided to join her.

As they walked back to their rooms hand in hand, it was on the tip of her tongue to tell him. Surely his reaction would be different to his own child, she told herself over and over.

She opened her mouth to speak but then found herself disorientated when William lifted her up and pressed her against the wall to kiss her. She wrapped her arms around his neck as his tongue brushed hers, reveling in the warmth and taste of him.

I’ll tell him in a few moments.

Before long, his eager hands had stripped her completely naked and carried her over to the bed, where he laid her on her back and stared down at her as if she were dessert served on a golden platter. William’s eyes turned dark.

For a single agonising moment, both of them froze. His hands hovered slightly over her and Camilla held her breath, aching for his touch. William then dropped his weight onto her and began creating a trail of kisses, starting at her lips and tracking steadily lower.

Camilla heard herself starting to pant, then stiffened with nerves when he began kissing her belly. She felt William’s tongue slowly circling her navel, then gently biting the flesh right under it and drawing a gasp from her. She buried both hands in his hair.

His hot mouth trailed lower still and he deftly hooked one of her legs over his shoulder. Camilla’s mind turned blank as soon as she felt his tongue, which started to move in slow, torturous little circles. She both heard and felt him hum with raw hunger.

Several minutes later, Camilla found herself still on her back and near tears. William, monstrous soul that he was, had brought her to the edge of bliss repeatedly and then pulled back at the very last possible moment. He had her hips pinned down in an iron grip so that she couldn’t arch or writhe against him.

When he drew back slightly after the fourth time, Camilla pulled hard on his hair. If the man complained about a bald patch later, that was his own fault, she told herself feverishly. William started laughing softly as she wailed out of pure frustration.

"This is for the time you ran away from me after Tession caught us together after the cockfight, when your hair got caught in my chain mail." William started his steady, teasing licks again. "I thought...I was going to burst into flames...from desire and...you just ignored me...for the longest time."

"You’re still holding that against me?" Camilla squeaked out, hands pulling handfuls of hair desperately.

"Oh yes. I hold several things against you still, pretty girl."

William was now in the habit of teasing her mercilessly and claiming it payback for some previous incident. Half the time, they were incidents she couldn’t even remember. But he could, with frightening crystal clarity.

That was something else Camilla had learned about her husband in the last half-year. The man had a rather brilliant memory.

She just wished he wasn’t so fond of using it against her when she was naked.