Earning the Love of a Princess-Chapter 108: Loss Is Loss

Just as the page had described, Francis and Robin were also sitting while facing the fire, though they looked considerably more sober than William. The strong smell of liquor filled the room, making Camilla wrinkle her nose.

She then heard the page politely clear his throat beside her, startling her from her thoughts.

Absentmindedly pulling another silver coin from her pocket and handing it to him, she whispered her thanks. The boy grinned, bowed and ran off, disappearing behind a bookshelf.

Camilla started walking quietly into the room and towards the three silent men. Francis and Robin both leapt to their feet as soon as they saw Camilla enter and bowed hastily, the relief evident on their faces.

William turned slowly to face her as well. Once his dull, unfocused gaze finally landed on her, he simply looked up at her for a moment before his eyes dropped back to the drink in his hand. "Ah, it’s my lovely betrothed." he slurred. "Were you missing my company at dinner tonight, little princess?"

"I’m so sorry, my lady. We thought it best to keep Will company because of the terrible mood he’s in." whispered Robin as she drew closer. "We’ve also been telling him he needs to slow down with the drink, but you know how stubborn he can be."

Yes. She knew.

"Thank you both for staying with him. Leave us for a while, please." Camilla said. "Let me try and talk to him a little."

Robin and Francis both nodded readily and started heading swiftly for the door. In his wisdom, Francis quietly grabbed an unopened cask of wine that had been sitting on a nearby side table and took it with him.

William slowly followed his friends with his eyes, his expression hazy. "Wait!" he called out gruffly. "Why are you just leaving...?" He slumped back in the chair once he heard the click of the door being shut.

Camilla sat down in another chair, facing him warily and noticing two empty wine casks strewn next to his feet. He blinked at her silently.

"Don’t you think you’ve had enough to drink?" Camilla deliberately kept her voice light.

William gave her a flat look. "No. You don’t need to worry about me. Unlike others I could mention, I actually know how to hold my liquor."

Camilla smiled faintly at his barbed reply, knowing full well he was referring to her and the time after one of the king’s costume ball that she’d nearly tumbled down a flight of stairs. She was more amused than insulted that he remembered.

"Why didn’t you join us for dinner? The king and queen were both asking after you."

William snorted and pushed a hand through his messy blonde waves. "No doubt they were. I’m sure they were quite disappointed I wasn’t there to smile at the court and appear suitably grateful for all my good fortune, acting like the performing animal they want me to be." His words were laced with bitterness.

"You’re not a performing animal, William. And I missed you too."

William closed his eyes for a moment and gave her a half smile. "You’re one of the few people in my life that asks very little of me, Camilla. You don’t know what a fucking relief that is."

After a couple of moments, she tried to wrest the cup from his hand but he was quicker, pulling the cup beyond Camilla’s reach and frowning.

"Stop that. Are you trying to act like my mother?" William took another mouthful of the potent wine and muttered, "Oh, wait. I forgot, I never had one of those."

"Why don’t you please tell me what’s really bothering you, William?"

The prince leaned back in his chair and rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Nothing is bothering me. You sound just like Francis. Can’t a man just enjoy a goddamn drink?"

"I’ve seen you drink plenty of times. I’ve never seen you drink yourself into a miserable stupor like this. Something has been troubling you for days now. Why don’t you tell me what it is? Perhaps I can help."

Ignoring her, William drained his cup and started looking around the room for another wine cask. His brows knitted together in frustration when he couldn’t see one.

The irony of the moment wasn’t lost on Camilla. Only a few weeks ago, she had been the one hiding away in despair and William the one begging her to tell him the truth so that he could try and help her. She understood his reluctance to speak honestly to her.

This is different though, she told herself. Back then, William had no idea what you had experienced. Whereas now, you know exactly why he’s struggling.

"It’s him, isn’t it?" she asked quietly.

"Who’s him?"

"Richard."

As soon as the name left her lips, the shock it caused was as if a boulder had been catapulted to land between them. William jerked stiffly upright in his seat, his face twisting into a vicious scowl.

"Never ever say that man’s name to me again, understand? He’s gone."

"Yes, but you can’t just pretend he never existed and swallow down how you feel for the rest of your life. Richard isn’t dead-"

"He is to me!" William snarled, glaring at her with narrowed eyes.

"William...I know you miss him and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’d be far more surprised if you didn’t."

"I don’t miss him." William ground out through his clenched jaw. "What he did to you was unforgivable."

Camilla felt a pang of deep sorrow. He didn’t want to admit to her that he was mourning the loss of his friendship with Richard, probably fearing she’d be upset about it. But she could see how it was cutting him up inside.

Camilla rose from the chair and stood over him. "Listen to me. It’s alright to miss him. It doesn’t mean you forgive him or that you don’t hate some of his actions. You loved him like your brother and you still do."

William looked up at her, his eyes quivering. She could see he was trying desperately hard to maintain his self control.

She brushed her hand along his tense jaw softly, pitying him for feeling so hemmed in that he couldn’t be honest with himself about his own feelings. All his life, he had been conditioned to never show weakness.

"I’m sorry you’re suffering." she said quietly. "You deserve so much more than this. I love you but I can’t help you if you won’t even admit how you feel to yourself."

His face started to crumple, making him look like a wounded child. In that moment, Camilla had no trouble picturing what William would’ve looked like years ago, as a lonely little boy. 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝙚𝙬𝓮𝙗𝒏𝙤𝒗𝙚𝙡.𝒄𝒐𝓶

"Fuck. I never wanted you to see me like this. It’s why I avoided dinner and why I didn’t want to talk to you about any of it." he muttered, pressing the back of his shaking hand to his eyes.

"Why would you avoid me? You’ve seen my tears more than once, haven’t you?"

William smiled slightly. "Yes but it’s hardly becoming of a knight to weep like a child, is it?"

"I don’t care about what’s becoming or not. I’m worried about you. I have been for weeks." she gently stroked his furrowed brow.

"I know. I just..." William took a long, shuddering breath. "It just seems so wrong to admit I miss Rich after all he did. And admitting it to you seems especially wrong, when a year ago you lost your entire family. Whereas I didn’t actually lose anyone - that son of a bitch is still alive and well, isn’t he?"

"Your situation and mine are different." Camilla chose her words carefully as she continued to stroke his forehead. "I lost my family’s lives, it’s true. But I never lost their love. I never doubted the love they all had for me and I carry it with me still. Whereas you’re grieving the death of your brother even though he’s still alive. Perhaps that’s the hardest kind of grief."

He nodded slowly at her words and closed his reddened eyes, silent tears finally sliding down his face.

Camilla felt her own heart thud painfully. She viciously cursed Richard in her mind, not for the first time. She hated him for what he’d done to her. But now she found she hated him more for utterly breaking his brother’s heart.

William let her pull his head to her chest and wrap her arms around him like her own mother had done for her so many times when she’d been sad or scared. Camilla felt his arms slide around her waist while his shoulders shuddered with suppressed sobs. She knew how hard it was for him to truly let himself feel.

"It’s not a competition." she said softly as she began to stroke his back while he silently wept. "Loss is loss. And it always hurts to lose someone you love."