Debut or Die-Chapter 352
The festival is over.
The internet is flooded with all kinds of reviews and photo proofs of TeSTAR.
Reactions pour in even on college forums.
“Who dares to sing the cheer song there and lead a mass sing-along? Let’s honorarily make Park Mundae our official performer.”
└ “ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ”
“Hey, Kingstar encore three songs smashed it, and there’s testimony that the manager almost cried beneath the stage.”
“They really got their worth. I like their sense of honor.”
Praise. Praise. Praise.
Fan cams go up and comments follow.
“The live was insane—wow, they actually pulled that off.”
“Let’s do Waterbomb too... and no, this isn’t just fan bias.”
“I hope they leave lots of fan cams of this promotional song. It really captures the live atmosphere, makes me so emotionalㅠㅠ”
“I hope they leave lots,” they say.
But I can’t guarantee tomorrow’s schedule will allow it.
Scrolling down, there’s even an ad-lib video of me picking up the handheld mic and insisting on singing the cheer song.
“A video declaring, ‘This is what idols are all about!’”
“Talk about quick thinking.”
Quick thinking?
If doing what you already know counts as quick thinking, you might as well call a son of a bitch a tiger.
Park Mundae profits from information asymmetry and then wipes his mouth afterward. He’s not someone who keeps a cool head in a crisis.
If he were truly quick-witted, he would have said something else right then.
So. In response to Seon Ah-hyun’s words.
“......”
“I-I’m sorry....”
“No, it wasn’t that.”
Instead of standing there dumbly until they came back to drag Seon Ah-hyun and me out of the bathroom.
At that moment, I should have...
‘Stop.’
I’ll stop the unproductive hypotheticals.
Move on to the next situation and rethink it.
And now I... seem to have come back to my room, and Seon Ah-hyun went to her own room... I guess.
‘Probably.’
They didn’t take her outside. That means she could still be in the dorm, which means she’s probably calm by now.
I pressed my face with both hands. My brain felt frozen. I couldn’t think straight....
Use your head.
That’s all you can do—don’t abandon your duty.
Why did things turn out like this... no. I shouldn’t think that way.
‘Why the hell did you create this fucked-up situation, you bastard?’
I grit my teeth.
If someone asked where I started acting like an idiot...
Obviously from the very start.
‘I should ★ 𝐍𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 ★ never have said anything to begin with.’
Was I in my right mind?
If I’d predicted “saying it means going to the psych ward,” I should have kept my mouth shut. What was I thinking, opening my mouth with such an unrealistic remark out of the blue?
“Useless...”
I did that bullshit, and look where it got us.
‘Seon Ah-hyun’s status abnormality...’
What the hell am I going to do about this newly reactivated status abnormality?
“......”
Is knowing the cause enough? Now that you know you fucked up, you’d better find a fundamental solution....
‘Shut up.’
I clamped my mouth shut. My teeth bit down on my hand.
Stop the useless rants and look at reality logically.
‘What needs to be done.’
...Somehow. I have to deactivate Seon Ah-hyun’s status abnormality again.
So far, she’s been able to deactivate her abnormal status thanks to her trait.
‘Grit.’
[Grit (A): Your mindset is self-created. Burn away negative statuses with concentration.]
– When activated, cancel one abnormal status (highest priority).
But that trait... was deactivated because of the stupid nonsense I blurted, and the abnormal status came back.
I clenched my fist.
‘Before....’
Before, I persuaded Seon Ah-hyun using the trait I have.
“Just think, ‘I can pull this off.’”
Seon Ah-hyun understood my words and resolved to focus only on the task in front of her.
But my words won’t carry any weight now.
I’m the one who confused her and kept her from concentrating.
She probably already thinks I’m out of my mind....
“......”
My brain was blank.
‘What I can do....’
A way to persuade her.
Like before....
I reflexively called up my status window. As if waiting for it, a popup appeared.
[Hyung....]
Big Moon.
No other words. The popup seemed to tremble... or was it just my mind playing tricks?
No matter.
I muttered in a hoarse voice.
“Trait... can it be reselected?”
The trait that lets you persuade anyone.
“......”
The status window didn’t move.
Only after a long pause did a small line of text appear.
[No.]
Ah.
Of course.
[I’m sorry....]
“There’s nothing to apologize for.”
Why does she apologize for everything I say? Is there some manual?
Why the hell do I have to deal with this too....
[It’s not your fault, hyung. Really.]
“It is.”
No one forced me; it happened because my mind malfunctioned.
I lost my judgment.
I can’t draw any other conclusion....
Tap tap.
“Mundae.”
Someone called.
I turned my head and saw Ryu Cheong-woo cautiously entering the room.
“Ah-hyun has calmed down and she’s okay.”
“......”
“You said you wanted to be alone... I’m sorry, I wanted to come in.”
Ryu Cheong-woo looked awkward as he walked over and sat gently on his own bed.
I was sick of apologies.
“It’s my room; it’s my choice.”
“...Mm, got it.”
A brief silence followed. Then Ryu Cheong-woo spoke again.
“Mundae, it’s natural you’d want to tell someone else about your situation.”
Right. And blurting it out was stupid, but that’s another matter.
“Don’t overthink it—timing was all that was off. Understand?”
“......”
Yet I was the one who chose that timing.
But I had nothing to say in response.
Tap tap.
Someone else entered the room.
‘Big Sejin.’
He closed the door behind him, and upon grasping the situation, immediately spoke with a stern expression.
“Park Mundae. This is my fault. I’m sorry.” 𝑓𝘳𝘦𝑒𝑤𝑒𝘣𝘯ℴ𝘷𝘦𝓁.𝑐𝑜𝑚
“......”
I felt like throwing up.
“How could this be your fault?”
“Because I egged him on.”
He said it without changing his expression—what was he talking about now?
“I assumed Ah-hyun would believe me, so I made a mistake.”
“......”
“I thought you were too nervous when you spoke to me last time, so I wanted you not to be so this time. I crossed a line. You were just doing your job.”
“No.”
I pressed my temple.
“I was the one who spoke. Stop it.”
“So when you....”
Big Sejin opened his mouth as if to say more but then shut it.
I was grateful; my head already felt like it would split.
“It’s not anyone’s fault; things just played out that way, so both of you knock it off.”
Ryu Cheong-woo chimed in and wrapped it up. I couldn’t agree, but I let it go.
But what he said next, I couldn’t let slide.
“But... Mundae. How about we take a break for a bit?”
“......”
What?
“We’ve been promoting for over two weeks; it’s fine to rest for a few days. Tell the agency that we all caught the flu or something.”
A soft, cautious voice continued.
“Let’s rest and regroup.”
Regroup.
Choosing to stop activities.
“......”
If I had any conscience and cared about Ah-hyun’s state, I’d have to agree.
Given the insane live difficulty of our title track, any drop in Ah-hyun’s stats would be obvious.
Imagine the backlash. All kinds of insults and controversies.
‘We should rest.’
If I were sane, I wouldn’t push to keep going now.
But...
I turned to look at the still-open status window popup.
If I rest... this guy will—
[Hyung, please give yourself a break while resting.... Please.]
There’s almost no time left. If we don’t set records this promotion, we’re done—back to the status window.
And yet this bastard, fully aware of that, still says rest....
“...Damn it.”
My brain felt like it would explode.
Fuck, so many things to think through and handle... what the hell is this....
Out came the words.
“Later.”
Stop.
Don’t say the impossible; there is no later.
We have a schedule at dawn. Less than four hours left. I need to make a quick, precise decision. Efficiently....
“Mundae.”
Someone grabbed my shoulder.
Ryu Cheong-woo.
“Then let’s at least clear three days from the schedule. Three days won’t cause problems. We’ve already filmed a lot. Got it, Park Mundae?”
“......”
I nodded.
I didn’t know what I’d accomplish with that, but so be it.
At the same time, in the living room.
Kim Rae-bin held a cup of the hot tea Ah-hyun often drinks, deep in thought.
“I think... we have to consider that something happened between those two.”
Cha Yoo-jin shook his head. His dear friend had outstanding talent as an artist but was clueless about matters like this.
So he spoke honestly.
“Everyone knows, Rae-bin.”
“......”
Rather than protest, Kim Rae-bin nodded with a somewhat gloomy expression.
That much, the situation was serious.
‘It’s really a mess.’
Ah-hyun was like a self-destructive sleepwalker, and Mundae seemed completely dazed from the shock. He’d half-support to the bed.
Cha Yoo-jin honestly couldn’t understand how things got so bad.
They kept apologizing to each other.
Does that mean they didn’t harbor any bad feelings?
But at the same time, he could rationally see why it happened.
‘Sounds like none of them had many friends.’
He’d seen such relationships before—people who treasured each other so heavily that their bond turned burdensome.
They were clumsy people. Their sincerity was part of their charm, though.
‘Hmm... that guy too.’
He saw Bae Se-jin stagger into the living room with a loser’s expression.
“Why can’t I say anything right?”
Se-jin must have failed to speak kindly to Ah-hyun.
Feeling a pang of sympathy, Cha Yoo-jin nodded.
“He’s good with words. I’ll go talk to him.”
“Wait.”
Originally he thought he’d cheer Mundae up first, but it seemed this situation required advice as well!
‘I should be the one to go.’
Cha Yoo-jin shrugged and confidently knocked on Rae-bin’s door—Ah-hyun’s room—and entered.
No one stopped him, so he must have made the right choice!
“Hyung, I’m coming in..”
“......”
Creak.
He opened the door and found Ah-hyun sitting on the edge of the bed by the moonlit window.
She looked as if her soul had left her—her posture stiff and face pale. Like a ruin, not a person.
Thanks to the sedatives, she was at least calm enough to sit still.
“Hyung, are you okay physically?”
“......”
Ah-hyun nodded very slowly. The medication must have blurred her focus.
“How about mentally? Are you feeling alright?”
Silence.
Cha Yoo-jin sat beside her and got straight to the point.
“Can’t you say anything to me? Is it Mundae-hyung’s secret?”
“......!”
Ah-hyun averted her eyes. Only then did she look a bit more like herself. Cha Yoo-jin shrugged.
“Everyone has secrets. You don’t have to share just because I came in!”
After all, it’d be strange for someone to have no secrets in life.
And sharing them is merely optional.
Does sharing more secrets make you closer? Does it mean you truly know someone better?
Cha Yoo-jin didn’t think so.
‘If it’s not natural, it just becomes weight.’
Perhaps that was the issue now.
[Whatever it is, you heard that secret from Mundae-hyung and then something went wrong, right?]
Ah-hyun still didn’t move but spoke in a low voice.
“I... I messed up.”
“Then fix it.”
“......!”
[Don’t think I’m being flippant. But it doesn’t seem like you’re upset with Mundae-hyung himself.]
Cha Yoo-jin looked Ah-hyun squarely in the eyes.
[Then for now, get some good sleep and clear mind. It’ll be easier to sort things out when you talk it through.]
He was advising her to relax and break free from panic.
And the reply came.
“...Ah, okay.”
Ah-hyun murmured in a fractured voice.
“...So that’s why... I can’t do it.”
“...!”
“Ev-every time. Even though I know, I do nothing...!”
In Ah-hyun’s eyes as she said that, Cha Yoo-jin saw a profound emotion.
‘That is...’
Self-hatred and anger.
Ah-hyun knew it, too. Why wouldn’t she? She realized that with her abilities in this state, the best she could do was stay silent and sleep.
Yet she couldn’t rest. Anxiety and the terror that she’d ruined everything gripped her mind.
Likewise, the moment she heard Mundae’s “secret,” she understood.
‘No good....’
Mundae’s past actions.
With his memory loss, nightmares, and even thoughts of self-harm... this was serious.
– I am not Park Mundae.
It seemed his inner wounds were morphing into an identity crisis.
And she knew she was the one best suited to bring this up to him.
‘I have to do it.’
Ryu Cheong-woo and Lee Se-jin were people who’d overcome their own mental struggles without much medical help.
If those healthy people completely trusted Mundae...
‘Only I...!’
She was the only one who could properly explain the danger to him—the only way she could help.
She’d spent countless thoughts and resolutions to be a supportive friend and ally, but...
‘I couldn’t.’
...No, she hadn’t.
The precious bond of trust and intimacy could have ended with that one utterance. She was too afraid of that possibility.
‘What if he hates me for not trusting him?’
‘It means Mundae is weird. That can’t happen...’
‘He’ll feel bad...’
So she stayed silent, thinking it was best to continue getting along.
But that inaction only worsened Mundae’s symptoms.
If something truly bad happened to him during promotions and it became irreversible...
‘It’ll be my fault.’
She’d lie awake, gathering information without letting on her suspicion.
– Could I just trust him?
Even though she knew she wasn’t truly trusting him, she tried to justify this self-rationalization.
Knowing all that yet doing nothing—the reason was clear.
‘I’m just someone who can’t help.’
There was no excuse.
She agonized over the right thing, yet failed to act when it mattered most.
And in the worst way, she inflicted more pain on him.
‘That wasn’t helping....’
It was just another wound she gave him.
Her throat tightened.
‘Don’t wallow in pain.’
Self-pity was a luxury. Ah-hyun stifled a scream. Crying apologies wouldn’t absolve her.
“......”
Watching this, Cha Yoo-jin nearly clicked his tongue.
‘She looks like some medieval ascetic suffering for penance.’
He couldn’t know the specifics, but from this atmosphere, it was clear Ah-hyun was in pain.
Still, Cha Yoo-jin decided he had to speak up. Eventually, everyone must step out of their own pain.
At least he could offer a stepping stone!
[Look. I get it. But this time it’s different, right?]
Cha Yoo-jin raised his hand.
[This time, if you don’t do it, Mundae-hyung will.]
“...!”
[He’s the type who’ll try to fix whatever crisis hits the group himself.]
Ah-hyun raised her head.
[That’s who he is. You know that, right?]
Of course she knew.
[So it’s not a matter of whether you do it alone this time.]
“......”
[Either you act, or Mundae acts first. That’s it.]
Ah-hyun clenched her teeth.
Then.
...Then.
At dawn.
“Come on, Konga.”
Cheongryeo walked with the dog who’d finally returned last night.
They were on his usual walking path, still free of any sightings or issues.
Coming out at his usual time felt comforting, like everything was right again.
It was silly that such a recent routine could feel so restorative.
“Mm.”
Soon he smiled faintly and drafted a message.
[I’ve been discharged]
He’d send a photo taken right then.
“Konga, here.”
“Woof!”
He was about to snap a picture of his grinning dog.
He noticed someone sitting on a bench.
“...Hm.”
It was rare at this hour, but he wasn’t unsettled.
It was someone he knew.
“Junior.”
“......”
In the dark, the black hoodie shifted slightly, revealing the figure beneath.
A familiar face.
Even under the mask, Cheongryeo could see the pallor. The calm voice reached him.
“...I need to ask you something.”
“......”
A very rare event.
And knowing he’d done this himself before, he made the equally rare decision.
“Alright? Then shall we go in?”
Thus, Park Mundae was invited back into the VTIC dorm.
In a spontaneous way no one could have predicted as recently as yesterday.
