Captured By The Cold Detective (BL)-Chapter 546: Decaying And Withering
Cw: self-harm/mention of suicide
***
Contrary to his usual explosive temper, when Jia Molei was really angry, he would be quiet. Terrifyingly quiet. It was the kind of anger that simmered beneath the surface of his skin and bubbled inside his veins, only manifesting in his clenched fists and hardened jaws.
It was in this intense state of anger that he questioned He Juan, who had once again been pulled back from the brink of death. "Why did you do that?"
The man on the hospital bed was alarmingly pale. Granted, he had just lost a huge amount of blood. Even though they had moved into a sterile isolation room, Jia Molei still felt as if he could smell the thick stench of blood lingering on the tip of his nose.
Hell, whenever he closed his eyes, he could still envision the horrifying scene he had witnessed when he slammed open the door. He Juan, this fucking madman, had literally torn open the wound on his chest with his bare hands as though he was attempting to dig his heart out. And as if it was not enough, he also banged his head against the wall – the head which had not fully recovered yet. As a result, he suffered from yet another episode of seizure, and Jia Molei spent almost an hour trying to stabilize his condition.
Now that the man had finally regained consciousness after fourteen hours, Jia Molei could no longer keep the question he had been screaming inside his mind all this time.
Alas, He Juan did not seem inclined to answer. He turned his head to the other side and closed his eyes, his bloodless lips sealed shut.
"Tell me, you fucking bastard!" In a fit of rage, Jia Molei kicked a nearby chair, sending it flying across the room to slam onto the opposite wall with a loud crash.
Amidst the sound of his ragged breathing and the steady rhythm of the heartbeat monitor filling the room, he heard He Juan whisper, "You shouldn’t have saved me."
"...What?" Jia Molei suspected that something was wrong with his hearing, as he could not believe what he had just heard. "You’re telling me, a fucking doctor, not to save you?! What? Do you want to die that much?! Look me in the eye when you speak, damn it!"
After a beat of silence, He Juan finally turned to face him and Jia Molei was stunned to see the deep exhaustion and bleakness in He Juan’s silver eyes – a sight he had never seen on the other man before. This must be the first time He Juan had finally put down his façade and bared his real feelings to the world, or in this case only Jia Molei, his attending doctor.
"You shouldn’t have saved me," He Juan repeated, as though that sentence alone was enough to encapsulate the horrible act he had almost committed.
Why? Jia Molei asked himself as he studied the man’s appearance down to the very last detail. Why hadn’t he noticed before? Why hadn’t he detected the signs?
He Juan had thinned significantly, his cheeks hollowed and his complexion gaunt. Dark shadows lingered beneath his eyes from countless sleepless nights, and an oppressive air of desolation seemed to cling to his very being. He looked... extremely worn out. Defeated, like a warrior who had lost his battle. Like someone who had given up on everything – even his own self.
Why haven’t I realized it? Jia Molei asked himself. No, that’s not right. The physical signs had always been there – the continuous weight loss, the deepening shadows beneath his eyes, and his deteriorating complexion. But Jia Molei had chalked it up to the side effects of the accident. It was simply because He Juan was too good at concealing his true feelings.
But he should have seen this coming, hadn’t he?
After all, there was no way someone could act normally after surviving such a life-threatening ordeal. Yet He Juan had not only cooperated with the treatment, but he also looked strangely at peace with himself. When in fact, everything was just a cover for his inner self which was slowly decaying and withering away without anyone noticing.
"Fuck..." Jia Molei rubbed his face roughly, his frustration reaching a boiling point.
He had no idea what he should do. He had no idea what had pushed He Juan into such severe depression, nor did he feel like he could ever understand. In that split second, various questions flashed through his mind, but the most important one was: would something like this happen again?
Would He Juan continue to harm himself and eventually give up on living?
Jia Molei knew the answer almost immediately. Yes, he would. This would keep going on, because that was just how stubborn He Juan was. It did not matter even if there was no weapon or sharp objects inside the room. This incident was the perfect example – his own body was the most fatal weapon he could wield against himself.
The door slid open, and a man poked his head in, addressing Jia Molei, "Doctor Jia, it’s time to let the patient rest."
Jia Molei grunted in acknowledgement and began to walk toward the door. He needed to have a smoke, needed to calm himself first or else he was afraid that he would really kill He Juan in the heat of the moment.
"Guard him well," he told the other man, glancing at his nametag. "Mr. Su? Aren’t you a physical therapist?"
"It’s alright," Su Xieren replied mildly. "There are not many people who can handle a superior Alpha in this hospital, so I’ve been called in to assist. Don’t worry, Doctor Jia. I will not take my eyes off him."
Jia Molei nodded with a hum. "Then I will leave him in your care. I will come back later." He walked through the door, but at the last moment, he turned back and asked He Juan,
"Why did you suddenly tell me your name?"
He Juan’s voice was slightly hoarse when he responded, "I want another person to remember my name after I’m gone." He lifted the corner of his lips into a bleak smile. "Am I selfish for doing that, Doctor Jia?"
Fuck, he shouldn’t have asked this question. Jia Molei regretted it almost immediately. Had he known this was He Juan’s real purpose, he would have covered his ears or run away so that he did not have to hear the name. But alas, there was no medicine for regrets. Well, at least, He Juan was being honest with him this time.
He sneered, "Don’t ask the question you already know the answer to, you crazy bastard."
