Captured By The Cold Detective (BL)-Chapter 537: Ardently, Desperately

Unbeknownst to Mu Yuze, He Juan did not leave.

He had merely orchestrated a façade to make Mu Yuze give up, to plant the image into Mu Yuze’s mind that he had left in a cruel and resolute way, to quash any seed of hope in the boy’s heart before it could even sprout to life. To make him believe that there was no hope in He Juan ever returning again. He needed to do this.

He only hoped that Mu Yuze was not hurting as much as he did. Yes, he might be sad and disheartened for a while, but he would soon bounce back to life and thrive. And this time, no danger would ever come knocking on his door again, because He Juan had eliminated the greatest threat there was to the boy— which was himself.

Mu Yuze would be fine. He Juan knew he would. He was such a strong and fierce little bunny, after all. He could get through this for sure. He still had no idea that he and He Juan were mates, nor were they scent-bonded, so everything was not too late yet. He would quickly recover from this and go on with his life.

A life without He Juan in it.

He Juan leaned against the wall with his eyes lowered, allowing Mu Yuze’s anguished and sorrowful cries to wash over him and brand itself into his flesh and soul. He deserved this, he told himself. Closing his eyes, he let Mu Yuze’s cries slip between his ribcage, tucked away in the deepest chamber of his heart where it would be safe and secure. Where it would haunt his dreams for every waking moment as long as he was still alive.

It was not until Mu Yuze’s voice grew fainter and fainter until it faded into silence that He Juan turned to enter the room again.

His gait remained steadfast as the sour and bitter scent of the omega assaulted his senses. Step by step, he approached Mu Yuze’s bed, gazing down at the sleeping boy who had his brows furrowed and delicate lashes stained with tears.

With a light exhale, He Juan abruptly collapsed on his knees like all the energy had been seeped out of him.

Breathe, he told himself as he clutched his chest, gasping. Breathe, He Juan.

He thought he had experienced the most agonizing pain there was in the world, but oh boy, how wrong he was. This was twice, thrice and even a hundred times worse than having his skin peeled off bit by bit without anesthesia. He felt as if someone had clawed his chest open and dug his heart out, leaving behind a huge void that kept leaking out blood. He bent over until his forehead touched Mu Yuze’s arm, his breath shuddering. Tremors wrecked through his broad frame.

"...Sorry," he choked out. "I’m so sorry, Xiao Ze. I’m so sorry..."

Such pathetic words, yet they were all He Juan could offer right now.

Raising his head, he gazed at Mu Yuze’s sleeping visage and gently reached out to wipe away the tears. Yet the more he wiped, the more they poured out of the boy’s closed eyes. His eyelids twitched violently, and faint groans slipped from his lips as though he was trapped in a nightmare. He Juan had to bite the inside of his cheek to prevent himself from doing anything stupid and impulsive, such as releasing his pheromones to soothe the omega’s distress.

Sorrow bled into his smile, his subdued voice echoing in the silence of the night. "Blame me. It’s Gege who is too weak. You can hate me all you want. I don’t deserve to beg for your forgiveness, but just... just live your life well, okay? Study well and get into a good university. Eat more and take good care of yourself. And when you grow older later, someone will stumble into your life. Someone good, capable, kind, loving, someone who will... who will..."

He Juan choked on his tears, unable to finish that sentence any longer. There was a distant sound reverberating beside his ear, and it took him a while to register that it was the sound of his heart shattering into millions of pieces.

Who was he kidding? Just the mere thought of someone else beside Mu Yuze, someone else receiving Mu Yuze’s smiles, basking in Mu Yuze’s affection, someone that was not He Juan— it was more than enough to make He Juan see red.

How he wished he could tear that person to shreds! He wished he could monopolize Mu Yuze and hog the boy all for himself, hide him away from the world where no one else could see and hear him. 𝙛𝓻𝒆𝒆𝒘𝙚𝓫𝙣𝙤𝒗𝙚𝓵.𝙘𝙤𝙢

For God’s sake, it was not only once or twice that He Juan had imagined their future together. He had always dreamed of coming home to Mu Yuze, waking up to the sight of his sleepy and disheveled look, kissing a smile onto his lips, spending peaceful and ordinary days, and growing old together. He wanted to be the first person to cheer for every milestone of Mu Yuze’s life. He wanted to be there when Mu Yuze needed a shoulder to lean on. He wanted to hug him, breathe him in, kiss him, mark him, and possess him.

Oh, how he yearned for that. He yearned for it so much that it killed him. He yearned for it more than life itself.

But now he was going to kill that future with his own hands.

A heartbreaking smile quivered on He Juan’s lips as he held Mu Yuze’s hand and tenderly pressed reverent kisses on each of his fingertips, making them wet with his tears. "I’m sorry, Xiao Ze ah..." he managed to say through his constricted throat, his voice barely above a whisper. "My world is already forsaken. Only you... my pure and precious flower. I can’t drag you down with me. I can’t let you be forsaken as well..."

As He Juan leaned his forehead against that slender hand, he began to pray. He knew that God did not favor a sinner like him, thus he did not pray for himself. He prayed for Mu Yuze instead, ardently. Desperately.

Please, please keep him safe.

Let him grow up healthy and happy. All of the sins and misfortunes in his life, I will bear them in his stead. In return, grant him a lifetime of my luck. That’s all I ever ask for.

This much is still allowed... right?

Swallowing hard, He Juan roughly wiped his tears away and rose to his feet. He allowed himself one last chance to gaze at his beloved, though it was proven difficult for how his vision kept blurring due to the tears. After a while, he reached out to brush the strands of hair from Mu Yuze’s face. A shaky exhale escaped his lips as he bent down, pressing a humble and pious kiss on the boy’s forehead that contained the sheer magnitude of his unspoken love and fervent wishes.

Pulling away, he whispered in a soft voice, "Goodbye..."

He Juan withdrew his hand, turned around and walked away for real this time, leaving behind the broken pieces of his heart that crumbled to ashes.

Goodbye, Mu Yuze, my little mate.