Captured By The Cold Detective (BL)-Chapter 107: Goodbye

All of the emotions he had painstakingly shoved into the corner of his heart came bursting out with the might of a deathly tsunami, choking his throat with intense suffocation. His eyes blurred, and fat droplets of tears finally fell from his eyes to her skin. His broad shoulders were wrecked in small tremors.

Su Xieren never cried. Not when the news of Zhao Xinya’s death reached him, not when he went to Yixing Mountain and found the last things Zhao Xinya left him, not when he belatedly discovered everything she had been hiding from him, not even back then... when he heard from Captain Li Zhi how Li Mingzhao would most likely spend the rest of his life in prison. He had never cried... until now.

"Xinya, I..." he tried to speak only to choke on his tears. He swallowed hard once, twice, trying to squeeze out his voice through the badly constricted throat. "I’m sorry..."

I’m sorry that I have never realized what kind of burden you’re carrying. I’m sorry that I have never been there for you when you need me the most. I’m sorry that you have to go through everything alone. And I’m also sorry... for being so late to give this ring to you...

There were so many regrets in Su Xieren’s heart now that he was seeing Zhao Xinya for the last time. Yet his chance was already lost, for her very presence had already ceased to exist in this mortal world. All those regrets seared through his whole body, tore into the most aching part of his heart and flowed out of his eyes in the form of unending tears.

Su Xieren had no idea how long it was until he could finally gain a semblance of composure. He smoothed out his expression as if that momentary lapse of control just now was nothing more than a figment of imagination. Only his eyes spoke of the deep sorrow he was feeling within.

Bending down, Su Xieren gently pressed his lips on Zhao Xinya’s cold forehead, oh so softly that it could barely be felt. He murmured under his breath, "Have a safe journey, Xinya..."

This time, it would be a real goodbye.

***

Leaning against the wall outside the morgue, He Juan let Su Xieren’s harsh yet quiet cries wash through him as if he was deliberately seeking some ways to inflict more pain on himself. He closed his eyes and his lips curled into a self-deprecating smile. Are you satisfied now? Just what the hell are you trying to achieve by doing this, He Juan?

A series of footsteps echoed down the empty hallway toward him. When He Juan raised his head again, there were none of the extremely complicated emotions in his eyes, it was so perfectly masked that no one would realize what kind of dilemma he had just gone through a second ago. Realizing that it was none other than Mu Yuze, He Juan could not help the soft smile curling on his lips. "I heard Captain Li Zhi saying all that is left of the case is paperwork. Are you done with yours?"

"Mn," Mu Yuze nodded, his stare lingering on He Juan’s face for a second longer. "You’re off work?"

"Yeah, only morning class for today. When I heard that Xieren will be taking a trip to the Bureau, I decided to tag along with him." He scratched his cheeks sheepishly. "Truth to be told, I also want to see what your workplace is like..."

Mu Yuze blinked at him. Looking around, he confirmed that nobody was in the hallway before he boldly went forward until he almost caged He Juan’s body with his own, then took a deep inhale of the side of the latter’s neck. He Juan abruptly stiffened. He was not as shocked and flustered as he did for the first few times anymore. After all, Mu Yuze had done something like this quite a few times, enough to let He Juan perceive that the omega seemed to have a special liking to his scent...

But in spite of that, this sudden attack was truly unfair!

"Xiao Ze..." he let out a helpless chuckle.

"You’re sad." Mu Yuze pointed out before pulling away. He leaned against the wall opposite He Juan, crossed his arms and stared at him with that soulful and penetrating gaze of his, which had not failed to make it seem like he was truly able to see into the depth of He Juan’s soul.

He Juan’s heart skipped a beat. Even then, the wry smile on his face was natural and betrayed nary of the turmoil in his heart. "Of course. Miss Zhao had almost become my sister-in-law, after all."

"Hmm..." Mu Yuze narrowed his eyes, skeptical.

He Juan tried to meet his eyes naturally, but goodness, this pressure was really no joke! Beads of sweat started to form on his hairline, even his palms were getting damp as well. What was wrong? Had Mu Yuze noticed something? For example... the fact that something was missing from the stack of crucial evidence against Li Mingzhao?

It was Su Xieren who took the two photos out. At first, he even wanted to burn them down so that the evidence would no longer exist in this world. It was He Juan who persuaded him otherwise and kept the photos for himself. He also had no idea what he wanted to do with them. It’s just that... it was the first piece of his past he had discovered for the past seven years. No matter how repulsive it was, He Juan realized that... he wanted to learn.

What kind of person he used to be, what was his involvement in this illegal auction, and what he had done in the past...

Even if the results ended up making him disgusted and appalled with himself, He Juan still wanted to learn.

There was just one major problem. If... If he really used to be a bad guy, then Mu Yuze—

—What should he say to Mu Yuze, who was allegedly a police officer who stood with justice and law?

Noticing that he was lost in thought, Mu Yuze opened his mouth and took the initiative to say, "The progress of this case has been very smooth and we got the crucial evidence with ease. For example, Phoenix Ablaze’s VIP member card. Without it, we wouldn’t be able to catch Long Guozhi, the main culprit. Another example, the concrete evidence against Li Mingzhao. It’s sent to us at such a coincidental timing... as if someone has been paying close attention to the progress of our case..."

As he spoke, Mu Yuze trained his gaze on He Juan, taking in the minute shift of his expression.

He Juan’s fists clenched by his side. So Mu Yuze indeed doubted something! He Juan could tell that the omega was testing him right now. However, what should he say? What could be said and which part should he hide?

He Juan’s mind was spinning in full gear, until the end the only thought that remained in his mind was... he could not let Mu Yuze know.

Mu Yuze had seen his hideous scars and showed no signs of aversion or abhorrence, but... what about his past? Even He Juan was still unclear about what stance he should have against this matter. If he rushed headlong and spilled everything out to Mu Yuze, what if it backfired and Mu Yuze ended up hating him instead? He should keep everything in the dark for now. That’s right. He should not let anyone know about this. At least... until he could get a clearer picture.

Despite the guilt gnawing on his gut, He Juan adjusted his mentality in a blink of an eye and showed an appropriately curious demeanor. "That sounds quite... thrilling. Do you have anyone in mind?"

Mu Yuze was silent, then he finally averted his gaze away. "No. It’s only a conjecture on my part."

For a moment, the atmosphere turned subtle and delicate. It was as if a little crack had been formed unknowingly between them. Or it could also be He Juan’s paranoia talking because his overwhelming guilt was going to kill him sooner or later!

Goodness, why was it so difficult to lie to Mu Yuze...?

Unable to resist it anymore, He Juan blurted out, "I’m sorry."

Then he immediately stiffened after saying that. What the hell are you doing, He Juan? Isn’t this practically announcing that you really have a guilty conscience?! He Juan shut his eyes and berated himself inwardly. He was prepared for Mu Yuze to follow up by asking what he was sorry for.

But then, he heard Mu Yuze say softly, "It’s okay."

As if he already knew what He Juan wanted to apologize for. As if he knew and... he was willing to wait for He Juan to open up at his own accord.

He Juan’s eyes snapped open, stunned, when that thought slipped into his mind. How was it possible...?