America 1982-Chapter 78 - 2: The Little Misunderstanding of the Fraternity

"Do you really think some freshman suckers will actually shell out their money for a fraternity newbie guide we put together?" Jason asked as he opened the mini-fridge, stocking it with cans of beer from Tommy’s backpack.

Tommy had suggested compiling a fraternity guide to sell to the newbies for a bit of extra cash and entertainment, and the idea had lit a bulb in his head.

Tommy nodded confidently. "Never underestimate a freshman’s yearning for the enigmatic fraternity life. Picture this, it’s Friday night, all fraternity houselights are blazing, every sorority beauty has slipped into a miniskirt, flaunting those healthy, toned legs in high heels, gearing up for recruitment. And there you are, a clueless freshman, no idea which fraternity party is the most banging, packed with the most girls. What do you need then?"

"Our guide," said Jason.

Tommy was sitting on the bed, idly strumming Jason’s guitar. "Right, our guide will tell them which fraternity is likely to run a ’one-handed bra unhooking contest’ at their recruitment party, which one has a mysterious guest from the strip clubs—it saves them from bumbling around clueless, gathering the guts to push open a door looking for girls, only to stumble into the one-of-a-kind, honorable fraternity where it seems like every professor, including the dean, looks like a medieval wizard at a gathering, giving them the ’heretic trial’ stare."

"You bastard, I almost believe the crap you’re spouting. How could any fraternity hold such contests at their recruitment parties... But I guess it’s enough to swindle those horny fools," Jason chuckled, placing the beers into the fridge. "Considering what most high school kids fantasize about fraternities, they’d probably believe it’s real."

Tommy plucked the guitar strings a couple of times. "Prepare two editions, an abridged version and a complete one. Distribute the abridged for free, sell the complete version."

"What’s the major difference between the two? Why have two versions?" Jason was puzzled, looking at Tommy.

Tommy explained to Jason, "The abridged version will just blandly describe those fraternities, making them all seem indistinguishable. The complete one, on the other hand, will offer the answers the newbies are seeking. You’ve got to make the paying customers feel like they got their money’s worth, ideally with a clear comparison."

"So do you actually know any of those tricks? I mean, the one-handed bra thing?"

"No clue, I made it all up on the spot. Just remember to obscure the fraternity names enough to avoid trouble," Tommy cautioned.

"Boss, after hearing all this, I think you should be a producer for adult films or magazines. Just the sound of it makes me want to join," Jason said, groping his crotch with a look of admiration. "For the sake of the wholesome development of America’s youth, I strongly suggest you apply for the editor-in-chief position at Playboy."

The fraternities the two were talking about are common student organizations in American universities, some notorious, some illustrious, and others low-key and mysterious.

There are typically three types.

The first type is service-oriented fraternities, which share common values, willing to engage in community service and charity during college, essentially acting as volunteer groups. By joining such fraternities, a student’s college life might revolve around achieving a social cause, such as fighting racial discrimination or advocating for women’s rights.

The second type is professional fraternities, composed of students from the same fields such as agriculture, engineering, computer science, medicine, etc. These are where students with the same major and professional aspirations help each other and grow together. Students who prefer to interact with alumni in the same field and discuss professional development might consider these fraternities.

The third type is social fraternities, infamous for scandals involving binge drinking and bullying that often make the news. Yet, they are also the most coveted by newcomers, as these fraternities maintain friendly relations with many sororities, organizing regular social gatherings, which means you could get the chance to chat up the campus beauties known for their fashion sense and good looks.

All these fraternities host various parties and events regularly or irregularly, each with its own style. Freshmen can attend these parties during fraternity recruitment to get to know them and figure out which suits them best.

As for the honor societies Tommy joked about, they are rarer, usually for the academically zealous students who aspire to dedicate their lives to academia from a young age. Join one, and you might find the fraternity president is the dean of your department, and the youngest girl inside is a female professor seventeen years your senior.

Young Americans are keen on joining fraternities not only for the tight-knit social circles and more opportunities to mingle with the opposite sex but mainly because, as newly adult individuals far from home, it helps them assimilate into a new life quicker. Of course, that hinges on managing your time well and having strong self-discipline, as these extracurricular fraternity events shouldn’t compromise academic commitments.

At places like Stanford University, many local Californian students head home on weekends, leaving the dorms and apartments mostly empty. If you’re part of a fraternity, there’s always a brother calling you over to join the weekend fun, saving you from spending your weekends alone in the dorm, tearfully jerking off on your roommate’s bed.