America 1982-Chapter 417 - 56: Two Jokes About Dennis

The group climbed into the off-road vehicles supplied by the hunting ground and headed for their respective areas according to their groupings and hunting interests. Tony and Tommy, the brothers, were led by their coach and safety officer to the most common whitetail deer hunting zone in the United States.

"How are Dennis and Pam doing? I guess even if it’s bad, it shouldn’t be like what happened to me on the USS Nimitz, where our own antiaircraft gun blew up our own plane..." while surveying the environment, Tony said to Tommy, who stood beside him, repeatedly practicing the motion of picking up his rifle and crouching to aim:

"Tommy, that pose of yours makes it easy for other people’s bullets to find you. Looking at you right now, you resemble a rookie thief ready to rob someone—a familiar sight."

"So much for the movies lying to us, this stance is supposed to make me look like a cool, efficient, and mysterious killing machine, right?" Tommy stood up straight after receiving his brother’s less than positive critique, "That movie production company was even trying to swindle me into investing in its sequel, but because of your poor rating of my earlier action, I’ve decided not to invest a single penny in it."

Following the direction pointed out by the coach, Tony raised his rifle and slowly aimed at a female whitetail deer in the distance in the forest: "You still haven’t told me, how are Dennis and Pam doing in the military."

"Pam’s doing okay, now working as a junior engineer at the Naval Station’s Surface Warfare Center in Rhode Island. In his words, had he known military service could be this comfortable, he wouldn’t have bothered with elementary school and would have applied to join the military directly."

"Bang—" Tony pulled the trigger, and instantly, a bullet hole appeared behind the whitetail deer’s ear, and it fell to the ground!

"So, serving on home soil is very comfortable?" Tony signaled the coach to arrange for the hunted deer to be taken to the leisure area.

The hunting ground could clean the prey and hand it over to the guests in the leisure area to be cooked into delicious food.

"Yes, his superiors, colleagues, and even the ordinary soldiers are all very fond of him. After all, Pam gave them access to free adult movie channels. Can you imagine, the nearby residents once called the city hall to complain, asking if the Surface Warfare Center’s engineering department had turned into a brothel, for there were sounds like groans that men and women make while helping each other all day long." Tommy had his eye on a grouse in a tree, but Tony’s gunshot went off first, scaring the bird into flight, leaving him to continue searching for his next target while talking.

Tony laughed, "It seems like the military always likes to pass the time with adult films or pornographic posters. How’s Dennis doing at the Army base in Turkey?" 𝕗𝕣𝐞𝐞𝘄𝐞𝚋𝚗𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗹.𝚌𝕠𝚖

"Haven’t you ever received the SSD internal magazine? It recorded his glorious deeds while serving in Turkey, and he’s no longer in Turkey. About two months ago, that guy, as a NATO allied army lieutenant, was sent to the even more complicated situation in Lebanon." Tommy raised his gun and shot toward the grouse that had flown because of the shot and landed on another nearby branch.

As it turns out, just a few minutes of instruction from the coach in the practice area was not enough to make someone a sharpshooter. The grouse flapped its wings and flew away for good.

Tommy tossed his rifle to the instructor and signaled for the instructor to give him the one on his back, "That one probably forgot to adjust the sights."

Tony weaved through the woods, calmly searching for his next prey, "My registration address for the SSD Fraternity is my place in Hawaii, and since I haven’t had the chance to go back yet, I’m obviously not too familiar with Dennis’s achievements."

"I don’t particularly want to talk about his glorious deeds, but how about I just mention a couple of the most ordinary ones to you? If I say any more, I’m afraid I won’t be able to resist buying a ticket to fly to Turkey and use this rifle in my hands to take down that bastard for America," grumbled Tommy, leaning against a tree trunk as he pulled out a cigarette, lit it and took a drag, seemingly irritated.

"Really? I think I’m ready to hear the two funniest jokes of the year," Tony said as he plucked the cigarette from Tommy’s mouth, put it in his own, and then patted Tommy on the shoulder, gesturing for him to look in the distance at the prey Tony had found for him—a dopey turkey looking around.

Upon seeing the prey, Tommy raised his rifle, and Tony, with the cigarette in his mouth, helped Tommy adjust his stance. After making sure everything was right, he gave a thumbs up.

Tommy pulled the trigger, the turkey’s body spun in the air after being hit and then crashed to the ground.

"Send that turkey back to the grill in the lounge area and tell my fiancée I want to see it on my plate at lunch!" Tommy said excitedly as he high-fived Tony and then laughed as he spoke to the instructor.

Watching the instructor go to collect his prey, Tommy pulled out another cigarette, and as he and Tony leaned against two separate trees facing each other, he began to speak while they smoked:

"Considering you helped me with shooting, I’m willing to tell you about General Dennis’s impressive history. For the first tale, soon after he reported to the NATO land forces base in Turkey one night, he and three buddies went into town to drink and fool around. On their way back to the base, all giddy, he called everyone he could, announcing that the four future five-star generals of America had successfully captured a bold Soviet spy who had stolen personal items and base passes from US Army officers, leading to them receiving a commendation. How’s that for a joke?"

"Have I been at sea too long and lost my ability to understand American humor? Apart from congratulating Dennis, I can’t find anything funny about it. Lucky guy, actually catching a Soviet spy," said Tony, pausing for a moment, looking unsurely at Tommy while giving his take on the story.

Tommy took a swig from his water bottle, speechless, "Their commanding officer, beaming with joy, got up and followed them to check out the captured Soviet spy, only to be surprised to find that the Turk Dennis and the others had brought back wasn’t a spy at all, but a local Turkish employee who had been working diligently for the NATO base for many years. Those four fools, after having one too many, had left their personal items and base passes at the bar. Coincidentally, the unlucky employee was also drinking at the bar and saw that the four had forgotten their items. Out of goodwill, he chased them on his motorcycle, hoping to return their belongings. Finally catching up with their military vehicle, instead of receiving thanks, the good Samaritan was mistaken by the four drunkards as a Soviet spy who had stolen their personal items."

"I knew it didn’t sound right that a Soviet spy would get caught by four drunks messing around. You just said they got commendations from their superiors? But wasn’t the local employee from the base wrongly caught? Why would they be commended?" asked Tony, laughing after hearing the story. He then remembered Tommy mentioning that Dennis had received a commendation for this incident and asked with confusion.