The Scumbag's Guide To Heroism

Chapter 5 | Pressure is The Intended Design

The Scumbag's Guide To Heroism

Chapter 5 | Pressure is The Intended Design

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Chapter 5: 5 | Pressure is The Intended Design

Her eyes widened slightly. I’d hit something. Some nerve I didn’t know existed.

"You really think I’m going to be a top Hero?"

"Obviously." I shrugged. "You’ve got a Legendary rarity Aspect, early manifestation, nine years of training. You’d have to actively try to fail."

"That’s..." She looked away, cheeks going pink. "That’s not how it works. Plenty of people with strong Aspects wash out."

"You won’t."

"You don’t know that."

"I know you." The words came out before I could stop them. Lukas’s memories supplied the conviction. "You don’t quit. Ever. Even when you should. It’s annoying as hell but it’s also why you’re going to make it."

The pink spread down her neck. She tucked a strand of damp hair behind her ear, still not meeting my eyes.

25 percent.

[ORACLE FEED UPDATE]

[Subject emotional state: Flustered]

[Vulnerability window detected]

[Success probability increasing]

"Fine," she said suddenly. "I’ll train you. But I’m not going easy on you just because you’re Unmarked. If you can’t keep up, that’s your problem."

Victory. Sweet, unexpected victory.

"Deal."

"And you’re making breakfast every morning for two weeks now. Not one."

"Wait—"

"Two weeks or no training." She crossed her arms, and the shirt rode up again. "Take it or leave it."

I could argue. Should argue. Two weeks of cooking was going to kill me.

But I needed this. Needed the access. Needed a reason to be close to her that didn’t immediately scream suspicious creep behavior.

"Fine. Two weeks."

"Good." She stepped back into her room. "We start tomorrow. 6:30am. Meet me in the training room downstairs. If you’re late, the deal’s off."

"There’s a training room downstairs?"

"Of course there is. Diane runs a Hero PR agency. You think she doesn’t have facilities?" She paused in the doorway. "Wear something you can move in. And don’t embarrass yourself too badly. I have a reputation to maintain."

"Your reputation will be fine."

"It better be." She started to close the door, then stopped. "And Lukas?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. For what you said. About me making it."

The vulnerability in her voice caught me off guard. This wasn’t the loud, aggressive Sloane from earlier. This was someone younger. Uncertain. Human underneath all that explosive power.

"I meant it," I said.

She nodded once and shut the door.

I stood in the hallway, staring at the closed door, trying to process what just happened.

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: Congratulations! Quest conditions optimized. Subject trust increased. Physical proximity opportunities secured.]

"I’m not doing this just for the quest," I muttered.

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: Your motivations are irrelevant to the outcome. Quest completion probability now estimated at 67%.]

"Still not helping."

I walked back to my room, mind racing. Training with Sloane meant regular contact. Close quarters. Sparring. Physical engagement that had a legitimate excuse attached to it.

Which meant opportunities. Multiple opportunities. Across multiple days.

I flopped back onto my bed, feeling better than I had since waking up in this body.

"Okay system, real talk. What are my actual chances here?"

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: Of quest completion? 67% as stated. Of survival beyond the quest? 43%. Of successfully integrating into this household without arousing suspicion? 22%.]

"Those are terrible odds."

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: You are an untrained civilian inhabiting the body of a trauma survivor in a world where superhuman abilities are normalized and regulated. Terrible odds are generous.]

I laughed. Couldn’t help it. The whole situation was so absurd it looped back around to funny.

"What about becoming a Hero? Actual Hero. Licensed, ranked, the whole thing."

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: Current probability—insufficient data. Recommend completing tutorial phase before attempting advanced scenarios.]

"Tutorial phase being the ass smacking quest?"

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: Correct.]

"My life is a joke."

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: Your life is a calculated progression system designed to optimize growth through incremental challenges. That it resembles a joke is coincidental.]

I closed my eyes, exhaustion hitting me all at once. Too much had happened in too short a time. Waking up in a new body. Meeting Sloane. Learning about the system. Accepting an impossible quest. Convincing Sloane to train me.

And tomorrow I had to wake up at 5:30am and pretend I knew what I was doing.

"Hey system?"

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: Query acknowledged.]

"What happens if I actually fail the quest? Like worst case scenario, timer runs out, I haven’t completed it."

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: Penalty enforcement is automatic and irreversible. Fifty percent reduction in specified anatomy. Physical modifications cannot be restored through System functions.]

"So I’d be stuck like that."

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: Correct.]

"Forever."

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: Correct.]

"Great. No pressure then."

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: Pressure is the intended design. Motivational architecture functions optimally under constraint.]

I opened my eyes, staring at that timer again. 35:12:08.

Two days. I had two days to figure out how to complete a quest that should have been impossible, except now I had a training schedule with Sloane. Regular contact. Legitimate reasons to be close.

"I can do this," I said to the empty room. "I’m smart. I’m adaptable. I’ve read enough light novels to know how progression systems work. This is just another challenge. But what happens after that?"

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: Additional quests will be provided as progression continues. Long-term objectives include Halloran Academy admission, Aspect ability acquisition, and heroine relationship development across multiple targets.]

"Multiple targets." I processed that. "How many are we talking?"

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: Data insufficient. Heroine roster expands based on host interactions and story progression.]

"So it’s not just Sloane."

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: Correct. Current active heroines—two. Sloane Fitzgerald, Diane Fitzgerald. Additional heroines will be introduced as circumstances develop.]

Diane. Right. Diane had a Temptation Gauge too. I’d seen it in the initial briefing. 8 percent. Ambient. Nothing active.

"I don’t think I can go there with Diane," I said firmly. "She took Lukas in. Gave him a home. I’m not repaying that by—"

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: Host autonomy is respected within quest parameters. No missions will force interactions with subjects you explicitly decline. However, declining heroine progression limits System Point generation and available Gacha pulls.]

So I could refuse. But refusing meant slower progression. Fewer abilities. Staying weak longer.

"We’ll cross that bridge when we get there," I decided. "Right now, Sloane. Focus on Sloane."

[SCUMBAG SYSTEM: Acknowledged. Primary target confirmed—Sloane Fitzgerald. Current progress—25%. Quest deadline—35:09:22.]

===

[A/N:]

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